Those are the words, sounds, phrases being heard from my kitchen this afternoon. I hate melting chocolate. You'd think, something that melts so EASILY any other time....would melt perfectly when I NEED it to be melty.
However, chocolate apparently had a mind of it's own, and it hates me.
There are three things in this world that I cannot under ANY circumstances make (well at least without heavy assistance).
I cannot make rice, unless I have a rice steamer. Then I make awesome rice. Ask me to make it the 'ol fashioned way, and I laugh at you.
Do NOT under any circumstances ask me to make you fudge. I do not CARE what 'easy new fangled recipe' you try to give me, my fudge WILL NOT TURN OUT PROPERLY. It just won't. You will ALWAYS need a spoon to eat it, or you won't want to eat it at all.
I also, cannot melt chocolate. I just...can't. I don't know why, I just seriously cannot melt chocolate. I've tried all the methods.
Today I figured I'd make Oreo balls, which I absolutely love to make, if someone else will dip them in the chocolate for me that THEY melted, because I can't be anywhere chocolate while it is melting because my presence alone ruins it.
Last year...my chocolate NEVER hardened around my Oreo balls. They were ok, just the chocolate didn't harden. The year before? I just didn't have a clue what I was doing on making the Oreo balls, sooo yeh....that was a disaster.
This year? The Oreo balls themselves turned out FANTASTIC. I then went to melt the chocolate. *sigh* Again, no luck.
I was literally crying over my double boiler.
Sobbing, pleading...."Why chocolate, why don't you like me? WHY won't you just melt for me so I can make yummy delicious holiday treats for my family? Please? PLEEEAAASE??"
I called a neighbor pleading for her to come save my chocolate. (She was babysitting wasn't available at that particular moment). "OK...I can do this...."
I can't do this.
By some crazy miracle, I sort of saved my chocolate. I added a wee bit of shortening, and suddenly it smoothed out my once pasty chocolate. I was able to roll my Oreo balls in the chocolate.
They still don't look pretty. Not at all. However, they do taste yummy. I have nearly 40 delicious (though not the prettiest) Oreo balls to share with my family. Yay me!
Why on earth do I torture myself with melting chocolate?
Now I plan on working up some sugar cookies with my children. I can make cookies. I can make all KINDS of home made cookies! I LOVE home made cookies. Sugar cookies, snickerdoodles, chocolate chip, oatmeal, whatever you name it, I can make it as long as it is a cookie, pie (well apple pie I ALWAYS forget the sugar), cake, I can even make home made fondant without any trouble at all. I make some mean buttercream frosting, and some amazing cream cheese frosting. I can bake breads, and muffins, my biscuits are sometimes less than desirable, but usually they turn out fine. I can make home made pancakes and waffles (though I usually don't because I feel it takes too long). I can whip up a fine batch of home made noodles (Mmmmm!!!) I can make home made gravies, and home made Salisbury steaks of the nom nom nom variety. I can bake meat loafs, and hams, turkey's, and whatever yummy dish you would like.
Just please, don't ask me to melt chocolate, make fudge, or make rice (without a rice steamer).
I will end up a puddle of tears in the kitchen, in the fetal position begging for a bottle of wine.
That's the rough part of the holidays for me. *sigh* Seeing all of the YUMMY treats that my friends can seemingly whip up sooo easily. Their stuff looks picture perfect. Mine? Well...they barely look edible.
At least they are done. The kids can't wait to eat them, so that's a plus.
I always avoid making so many holiday treats that I love. Like haystacks, peanut clusters, fudge, divinity (ok I'm not a huge fan of divinity anyway but it's just a holiday treat so many people make). Peanut brittle (I've actually never attempted to make that before, so I'm just assuming I wouldn't be able to make it!!) One good thing about not being able to make these treats? That means, fewer treats that make it into my mouth that get added to my butt, thighs and stomach!
Any who, if you are looking for an OREO BALL recipe (from over at the web site snackworks.com, please check out the link for one yummy recipe (and don't feel bad if they don't come out looking like the gorgeous Oreo balls they show online! And if you can't melt chocolate...welcome to the club!)
Is there a holiday treat that you LOVE but CANNOT for the life of you make?
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