No Easy Way to Say This (Gun Safety VS Safe Schools for Children)

Since the latest school shooting this week my head has been spinning.  Actually, no I take the back.  It all started way back when I was a small child in 1995, I was 10.  I was 10 years old when the Oklahoma City bombing occurred.  My mother had been admitted into a hospital for a few weeks as she was having complications with the pregnancy with my baby sister, she was close to three hours away from home and my Grandmother was caring for me during this time.

I remember seeing the news about all of those people being killed by a bomb in the back of a yellow truck.  To this day....I still get nervous when I see a yellow  truck that resembles a moving truck.  I didn't live in Oklahoma, I live in Missouri and have been here my whole life, but seeing those images on the television and watching the news...it stuck with me.  It scared me.  I didn't know if someone would do that to the very popular hospital my Mother was at and it scared me.

I remember the image of a fire fighter carrying a little girl from all of the rubble.  That image was a powerful one.  The lives that were lost in that stupid senseless bombing.

In 1999 I was in Jr. High or just barely into high school.  I remember the Columbine shootings.  That completely shocked me.  I had been clueless about school attacks up until that point.  The most traumatic thing I had heard of was the OKC bombing and of course natural disasters that had occurred from hurricanes and earth quakes.

The thought that a student, someone I knew and saw every day and had probably known my entire life and had likely played with on the playground could some day decide to bring a gun to school and just shoot us like we were nothing....it broke my heart and scared me so much.

I grew up in a very small town, the town I LIVED in had maybe 100 people in it.  The town I went to high school in had around 1300 people in it.  My graduating class had probably 54 kids in it. We were farmers, and hog and chicken processing plant workers, we worked at nursing homes, gas stations, grocery stores, and were secretaries, a few doctors and lawyers and insurance people, and some teachers in our community.  There were truck drivers and bus drivers, and Day care workers, and city workers, police officers and fire fighters too.  A small cozy community for the most part.  We all grew up together.  Our grandparents had gone to school together our parents had gone to school together, our families had WORKED together and it felt like everyone was related to everyone in some way or another.  So the idea that one of your classmates could (easily) access a gun and bring it to school and kill everyone was both an absurd and horrifying idea.

I remember in elementary our bus would pull up into the parking lot for us kids to unload at the school and you would see the high school students with their pick ups parked in the parking lot in the student area, and dang near every truck had a gun rack in the back with a rifle sitting there because they had just gone deer hunting that morning.  This was back in the early to mid 90's (maybe even the late 90's).  These same students most likely had simple pocket knives in their pockets because, hello farmers kids.  These kids hunted, fished, worked around the farm and a tool like a pocket knife wasn't uncommon.  You would see kids that had chain saws in the back of their pick ups because they had been out cutting fire wood over the weekend.  It wasn't a big deal.  IF one of these kids got into a scuffle at school, they threw a few punches and by then a teacher or principal had intervened.  Parents were called, and not once did anyone go storming out to their pick up to grab their gun, or reach into their pocket for their knife.  Never.

During my Junior year in high school 9/11 happened.  Another life altering moment that occurred.  Another time where I watched (via TV) as hundreds of people DIED before my eyes.  Over something I didn't really truly understand at the time.  WHY did this happen?? WHY hadn't someone done something to stop it?  Where were the adults that were responsible for protecting people?

A month later our school had it's FIRST EVER bomb threat.  It was Halloween.  I nearly pissed my pants.  I was horrified.  I remember we had to evacuate the school get on buses and we went to our designated "safe" place.  I remember as a checked in with my teacher before I bolted to locate my baby sister and my little cousins that went to that school, as well as the other young kids that road my school bus to make sure everyone was ok and to calm them and keep them from all being so scared.  My first thought was to protect and comfort those younger, smaller and more defenseless than myself.  My mother had been out of town when the bomb threat happened so my sister and I were among the last two students picked up from the designated safe place, so we watched as our friends were picked up taken home by their parents.  Happy to see them safe with their families, but nervous as we were left behind to wait even longer.  I honestly never really heard the truth about what actually happened with that whole event or who was actually responsible.  I heard lots of rumors, but honestly never heard the actual truth.  I just remember feeling nervous and cautions when we returned back to school in November.

I went on to college and I think there was MAYBE one incident that happened while I was in college that made me nervous to go to class, but I couldn't pin point what it was now.  (honestly college is kind of a blur because I was working 1-2 jobs at the time as well as being a full time college student, and at the same time planning my wedding, and my last semester of college I was pregnant with my daughter and it was a ROUGH semester as I was SUPER sick while pregnant with my daughter so paying attention to the news really wasn't high on my radar, just surviving college, a wedding, work and a pregnancy was all I could manage to do).  So I am sure a LOT of news worthy stuff happened between 2003 and 2007, I just don't remember it because I was preoccupied with surviving myself.

Now It is 2018 and I have a daughter in 4th grade and two sons in 3rd grade.  Every single day when they get on the bus or when I drop them off at school I pray that they are safe.  I pray that they not only get a good education but that no monster comes in and shoots them while they are innocently and defenselessly LEARNING.  I know that the danger increases the older they get.

When Sandy Hook happened my kids were in that same age bracket.  I completely lost my shit.  I cried so hard, I didn't just cry I SOBBED.  I screamed WHY at my TV and I just cried and cried and cried like I had never cried before in my life.  I was and am, so ANGRY about it.  I prayed and prayed for those children because I was so helpless and useless in the situation.  I was no where near the state it happened in, but it felt like it had happened in my own town.  It felt like it was my own children.  Because I realized that this is the stuff of night mares.

As a parent, your goal from the second you find out you are pregnant is to keep that child A LIVE. We want our children to LIVE, to grow, to learn.  We know it's not going to be easy and yet we plunge into it anyway.  Fiercely protecting our children yet gently shoving them into the world to watch them grow.  We with both happiness and sadness watch our children grow up before our very eyes and leave us, to start their own families and repeat the process.  Love, protect, teach, protect some more, give them courage, and tons of room to make safe mistakes with love and patience and guidance and learning life lessons in a safe place before they enter the big big world.  Always loving and protecting helping them stay alive until adult hood and as my Mother always tells me, it doesn't stop there.  You never stop worrying just because they reach adult hood.  You always worry.  When your children have children your worries increase in a whole new way.

I refuse to accept that school shooting or any mass killing should be a "norm" in our world.  People dying in mass shootings or mass bombings or mass deaths of any kind is not acceptable.  They work hard to create better warning systems to predict and warn of natural disasters that save many lives every year.  They can detect earth quakes and warn of tsunami's and closely monitor storm systems to get warnings out for tornadoes and hurricanes and give you warnings a day or two or more in advance (and then you are responsible for how seriously you take that warning for a hurricane, or flood, or tornadic activity).

Yet, when someone calls in a tip to the FBI about a potential shooting, someone that they fear is going to kill helpless children while they are at school (where they are not allowed to have any weapon to protect themselves so they are sitting ducks, and I am not trying to say that more weapons is the answer I'm just saying places like a school is such an innocent defenseless place to be because you are LEARNING you would never expect to be murdered while learning).  When a tip s placed to the FBI nothing happens.  NO ONE checks it out.  Then the shooting happens and children die.

I do not hate guns.  I am cautious with guns, for good reason, but I do not hate them.  A gun sitting there on a table untouched is not a danger to me or you.  Just as a car just sitting unattended is not a danger.  The human element once added to either a car or a gun makes it dangerous.  Humans are capable of great GOOD, and they are also capable of great EVIL.  Shooting up a classroom full of children is a great evil.  Shooting up an arena of concert goers, is great evil.  Blowing up a building with a bomb is a great evil, flying a plane into a building and killing thousands is a great EVIL.  Shooting up a place of worship is a great EVIL.  The one thing that all of those evils have in common??? A human element.  Humans.  They were all present.  A human was behind the gun, or the bomb, or the plane.  The HUMAN made the tactical decision to carry out the deaths of other humans.  The items used had they been left untouched by humans would likely not have been a danger at all to the humans.  Sure, the gun did what guns do, they shoot bullets.  A human aimed the gun at other humans and pulled the trigger.  There was a CONCIOUS DECSION MADE BY A HUMAN BRAIN AT THE OTHER END OF THAT GUN TO PULL THAT TRIGGER AND GO THROUGH WITH THIS PLAN OF MURDER AND EVIL.

However.  With that being said.  I still do not hate guns.  Guns have aided our police officers in apprehending criminals, it has aided our military in helping our country stay free, guns have aided families during break ins or robberies on the streets or from being raped or murdered by someone else.  GUNS CAN BE USED FOR GOOD.

The brain behind the gun behind any tool or other weapon or device can be an act of good or bad.

I however, do not feel like labeling everything mental illness helps either.  It gives people that struggle with mental illness every single day a bad name, and these people are also battling internal battles every day with themselves. Struggles we may not know.

When I was a toddler my own father committed suicide.  I have spoken about that from time to time, and actually next month marks the 32 year anniversary of his death.  My mother did not like guns after that and didn't want them around.  I was aware as I grew up how my father had died.  I was sad, but ultimately blamed him for his own decision making.  He made that decision to end his life.  He pulled that trigger.  It was devastating and really affected so many lives, but at the time...he wasn't thinking ahead about the future, he was thinking about the now and how he felt and probably how better off he THOUGHT everyone would be.  He struggled with some mental demons that won in the end, and it's tragically sad for my entire family.

So I already had a very basic awareness of how dangerous guns were and that they could kill and take people away and were to be approached with caution.  However, I also grew up in a hunting community so it wasn't uncommon to see hunting guns everywhere.  People hunted for meat.  They would stock their freezer with deer meat, turkey, squirrel, whatever they could shoot (legally...lol most of the time).  To get through winter to go with their beef, and pork that was in the freezer already.

So I also knew guns were a tool for survival.  I never saw or heard of anyone pulling a gun on each other in my community (if it did happen, I was never aware of it because there were some things my Mother DID try to keep me from knowing but in a small town...you would have heard SOMEONE talk about it).

In high school one year I took a hunters safety course through our Missouri Conservation department.  I took the course with my best friend who actively went hunting with her dad and brother.  I was not much of a hunter, but I was always up for learning safety and taking courses to further educate me on things.  I learned gun safety in this class which is good because no one else in my family ever sat me down to ACTIVELY teach me anything about guns. 

Years later, my husband inherited an antique 22 rifle from his grandfather, it had been hand built by one of his grandfathers down the line and he had found himself the recipient of this family heirloom.  My husband felt very honored to receive this gun and have a little bit of family history in his hands.  He took loving care to have the gun restored so it could be properly used again.  We spent many a weekend at a local out door shooting range just shooting the gun.  During our time there we met many other gun enthusiasts that had guns of all sizes and shapes and varieties.  I had never seen so many guns! I was always so excited when they offered to let me shoot their guns and I took the opportunity to learn how to properly shoot these guns.  HOWEVER they also stressed SAFETY IS ALWAYS FIRST.  Stay safe when shooting.  They were cautious and safe gun owners.  They taught my husband and I a lot about gun safety and about different guns.  Several years have passed since we have last gone target shooting (probably like 10 years since we have gone actually!!)  Once we had children we stopped going out to the shooting range because well, kids are kind of a full time job and require all your attention!

My husband keeps his .22 well taken care of and I actually think he took it a year or so ago to a friends out in the country and shot it but it has been locked in it's case ever since.  Locked up so the kids cannot get in it.  In fact, we don't even have any ammo for it.  We keep it hidden away because it is a family heirloom that our oldest son will inherit some day as my husband did.  Our youngest son will inherit an antique pocket knife and an antique pocket watch, and my daughter will inherit some jewelry.  Nothing fancy or really worth anything, but it has sentimental value and has been passed down through the family.

For Christmas about three years ago the kids got their first bebe gun.  We have stressed safety with that bebe gun.  I know kids their age that go hunting with their fathers and grandfathers and are handling real hunting rifles.  While my kids are still just handling a bebe gun.  I do not feel my kids are ready to hold a real gun (and I am talking a hunting rifle, nothing fancy)  They just aren't ready.  We continue to discuss safety.  This summer I will be checking to see about hunter safety classes through our local conservation department for my children to take.  

I don't have a problem with people having carrying licenses and carrying guns in holsters on their person.  Where I work we have several people that come in wearing those and I don't even bat an eye lash.  Sometimes if they have a cool holster I will comment on it and we will have a brief discussion about the type of gun they have holstered in it.

The problem I have is the EASE in which someone can purchase a gun.  I unfortunately am sighting Wikepedia on this because every other link I found was just discussing laws they are wanting to pass or do not want passed regarding guns.  I just wanted an over view of our current gun laws in the state in which I live (Missouri) so please click the link and take a quick look at the gun laws for my state.  
GUN LAWS IN THE STATE OF MISSOURI If I find a better link that's NOT Wikipedia I will try to share it later.  If you have any good suggestions please let me know because I am genuinely interested.

Permit to purchase for hand guns or rifles, nope.
Fire arm registration, nope.
Owner license required? Nope. 
Carry Permit required?  Nope. (permit less carry took affect in 2017)
Open carry permitted, yep. 
State preemption of local restrictions, yep. 
Assault weapon law, nope.
Magazine capacity restriction law, nope. 
NFA Weapons restrictions, nope. 
Peaceable Journey Law, yes.
Background checks for private sales, nope.  (Though it doesn't go into details about other types of sales?? I have talked to some friends who have purchased guns at gun stores and they have done a quick background check at that store where it only took a few minutes of wait time to run a background check to see if they had any thing on their background check).  

The above items were from the summary table listed on Wikipedia (again not the link for information I necessarily wanted).  

Some things that I personally would like to see changed.

I do not want to see any more guns sold on swap shops, or craigs list or to a random whoever.  I think all gun sales should have to go through a gun SHOP.  A shop that can do actual back ground checks, and I think a 14 day wait period is appropriate.  I think there SHOULD be a limit on the amount of ammo you can purchase in a month (or a year maybe??)  There should be SOME kind of limit.  Guns should be licensed and registered (that way if stolen property they would be easier to find the owner's of and returned). Gun owners should have to take safety classes, and should be required to have safety locks/cabinets for their guns. I think their should be an AGE LIMIT on purchasing a gun.  Why does a 17 or 18 year old need to purchase an AR-15?  I highly doubt it's to hunt down Bambi or protect themselves from a burglar.  When my husband was 17 and 18 he was purchasing paint ball guns and air soft guns, not rifles.  You should have to show an ID to purchase bullets, and I do not think stores like WAL MART should sell guns or bullets.

If you have to be 16 to drive a car and be TESTED on how well you can DRIVE IT in order to get a license allowing you to drive a car then the same should be done for a gun.

If you have to be 18 to be cigarettes (which are addictive and very harmful to the fool who smokes them and not so great for the people stuck around your second hand smoke...).  You also have to be 18 to play the lottery, which isn't dangerous to anyone, it's gambling (well I guess it could be dangerous if you gamble too much and then owe the wrong people money, and then I guess you might consider a gun for protection for your poor choices??)

You have to be 21 to purchase alcohol and drink it legally.  (I am 33 and still get carded for the occasional bottle of wine).  That's fine with me! Keep on doing your job and NOT selling alcohol to minors.  Make it as difficult as you can for minors to get ahold of alcohol because we all know teenagers and young adults are NOT known for their clear thinking even when sober so lets NOT add alcohol to the mix too.  So why do we allow them to buy guns?? Makes total sense.

If you have a history of mental illness or domestic abuse, or violence then no I don't think you need a gun.  We should make it as difficult as we can for potentially dangerous people to access guns as we can.  I'm not saying it will be full proof but it's better than doing nothing.

Why can't we agree that children are dying and this is WRONG.  That something needs to be done.  Instead all I see is people fighting on Facebook.  NO ACTION.  Just fighting.  I am ONE FREAKING PERSON.  Alone, I can't do anything.  I am absolutely POWERLESS as just ONE FREAKING PERSON to keep my children safe and that scares the ever loving shit out of me.

Those are MY BABIES the three beautiful children that grew in my womb that I birthed from my own body, children that my husband and I created together.  Children that we have cried over, prayed over, protected, taught and do our best every single damn day to raise them to be GOOD HUMANS.  Humans that do GOOD THINGS for this world, not evil things.  I know that I am ultimately not responsible for the decisions that they make.  Rest assured if I ever feel like my child(ren) is becoming a danger to anyone I will turn their little butts in, in a heart beat to protect the lives of YOUR children, as well as my own.  I don't want to see my child shot by a police officer because my kid decided to make a horrible decision of bringing a gun to school.  I do not want to see my child hurt another child.  I do not want to see one of my children be SHOT because of ANOTHER child's actions either.  I want MY children, I want YOUR children to be SAFE.  SAFE to learn in their schools.  Safe to go to a concert.  Safe to go to church, safe to fly a plane or go to a museum or festival, or just SAFE to be in this world.

WHAT will it take to make our BABIES safe?? Does it mean we arm the  teachers?  The poor teachers who already do not get paid enough, the teachers who already have to spend a lot of their own meager income to provide for their class rooms?? Does it mean we ask them to put aside whatever morals or beliefs they have about weapons to carry a weapon into a classroom to protect the children?  Is that what it takes?  I don't know.  I don't know if that's what it will take.

Will it take banning guns?  Keeping rapid firing guns that kill many in a short time out of the publics reach for good.  Telling citizens they cannot have guns?  I don't know.  I don't KNOW if that's what it will take to keep our children safe.

Do we need to tighten every gun law in this country?  Do we need to put armed guards at our schools so our kids feel like they are in prison as they learn about our country and it's history and our constitution?  I DON'T KNOW!

Are people with mental illness to blame?  Are bullies to blame?  Is the internet to blame, are video games and glorifying death and guns and violence the problem?  Should we ban rap music, and video games, and whatever the hell else people feel is the problem?  I DON'T KNOW!

I don't know what it will actually take to keep our children safe.  I just know I WANT OUR CHILDREN TO BE SAFE.  I felt safe when I was in school.  My Mother felt safe when she was in school, my Grandmother felt safe when she was in school.   Don't our CHILDREN deserve to feel safe in school?

I have read so many stories of children ten, eight, six years old who have practiced active shooter drills at school and so many of these children are READY to make a decision to STEP IN FRONT OF A CLASS MATE TO TAKE A BULLET FOR THEM.

Oh my God guys.  These are OUR BABIES.  HOW on earth can you hear that and not have your heart shattered.  When our BABIES are ready to die for their classmates because a monster is at their school trying to murder them, and ONE teacher is trying to protect 20 some odd children....what does that tell you?? When our children are ready to die for their classmates, but our GOVERNMENT and even our own neighbors and communities are still too busy arguing over what's to blame,  there is a PROBLEM.

These children are speaking up.  These children are being as LOUD AS THEY CAN, they are SCREAMING FOR US ADULTS TO LISTEN AND TAKE ACTION. Where are we?  What are we doing to protect them, it's OUR RESPONSIBILITY to protect these children.

As a parent it is YOUR job to be in your child's business.  Know who your kids are friends with.  KNOW what your kids are doing online.  Do not worry about "infringing" on their privacy.  If YOU are paying the bills and your child is living in YOUR house for free, guess what mom and dad, YOU MAKE THE RULES.  YOU have the right to go into their bedroom ANY FREAKING TIME YOU WANT.  Be nosey.  Ask questions.  make it a point to know who their friends are.  Demand that they call you at certain times when they are out.  BE THE DAMN PARENT AMERICA!!!

I honest to GOD think that the BIGGEST issue in this damn country is parents.  They are too worried about hurting their children's feelings or making them feel bad or making them angry.  Too worried about pussy footing around every problem.  Too worried about embarrassing their kids.  Too concerned with being their children's "best friend".

Well guess what. I do not want to be my children's best friend.  I want to be THEIR MOM.  I love my kids with all my heart and if that means I have to make tough decisions as their PARENT that piss them off then I will do it, just like my Mother did for me, and thank goodness she did!! I am glad she showed an interest in who my friends were, where I was, grounded me, SPANKED ME, told me NO, didn't coddle me, she embarrassed me in front of people when I acted a fool, She was my MOTHER.  My Mother raised me BY HERSELF from the time I was a toddler until I was 14 years old and she married my stepdad.  I got the piss knocked out of me numerous times.  Thank goodness, because I learned not to be a freaking smart ass to adults.  When an adult talks, you keep your mouth shut and you listen.  I learned you work HARD and you do your best and quit being a whiney brat (ok so I am still whiney but while I'm whiney I do whatever it is I am not wanting to do and I do my best at it, haha)  I was not coddled.  I was told the truth, the world wasn't hidden from me.  Now my Mother did explain things in simple terms when I was very young and didn't always give me great detail but she was honest.  She told me what I could understand.

I ground my kids and yep, they have been spanked.  Spanking is NOT my go to punishment, but if the need arises they know what spanking is.  My kids say please and thank you, hold doors open for people, let others go first, and they know ACCOUNTABILITY.  If YOU screw up you take responsibility for what YOU did and do not pass the buck on to someone else.  Lessons they have learned as CHILDREN.  Lessons they will likely continue to learn.

I know this is a long post, but damn it, I am angry.  I am  tired of CHILDREN DYING.  Every day I see children dying from cancer.  That's bad enough.  That's a DISEASE killing children every single day.  Now we have children being murdered in their SCHOOLS because of an idiot with a gun?

Growing up I knew PLENTY of kids with messed up lives.  Man, there were some kids that I felt REALLY bad for when I was in school because I KNEW they had bad lives.  They came from rough places.  Whether they had some kind of special need that wasn't really understood or met in our community, or they were beyond poor, or they had abusive parents, or they had alcoholic parents.  Whatever the case was, I knew some kids who STRUGGLED.  So many got bullied, and bullied pretty badly.  In our small community, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have been difficult for them to have gotten their hands on a gun.  Thank GOD none of those kids hurt themselves, or anyone else.

Life is hard, and we can't protect our kids from that.  It is something they need to learn.  Life isn't fair.  We don't all live the same life.  And contrary to what preschool teaches our children, not everyone is your FRIEND.  Just because someone isn't your FRIEND doesn't mean you have the right to be mean to them and torment them and belittle them and drive them nuts with your bully behavior.  Also, just because you are bullied doesn't give you the right to grab a gun and KILL people.

You won't always be in high school.  Eventually, you will be out on your own.  If you choose not to be around those you didn't like in high school, that's your choice.  You can move away from them, do whatever.  You don't need to kill yourself, or them.  VIOLENCE is NOT the answer.

Every single day I pray my children will be ok when they go to school.  I hope their school bus makes it to school safely, I hope they are safe in school, I hope they are safe in their playground.  The moment we walk in our front door I breathe a little easier.  Knowing my babies are home, safe and sound with their mom and their dad who love them.   Sending my children to school shouldn't cause me anxiety.

I feel like I live in a fairly safe community.  Granted, we have had our share of issues.  Heart breaking tragedies in our community involving teenagers.  However, safety is just an illusion.  At any moments time that illusion can vanish and you see how truly vulnerable you are.  NEVER be complacent in your safety.  Never get so comfortable in your world that you think nothing bad could happen, or that nothing bad can touch you or your family, because it can, in an instant.  

Now days, as a parent, it is so stressful.  I am sure my mother had a huge amount of stresses when I was growing up too, but I think most of her stress was LITERALLY brought on by my desire to do dare devil tricks and antics from the time I was a toddler.  I didn't use a car seat as a child we didn't have to, half the time I refused to buckle up at all as a small kid.  I road a bike with no helmet, I drank from a well and a water hose, I climbed trees, and scaled buildings and swung from rafters in our barn.  I ran through fields and woods, played in creeks....all kinds of seemingly dangerous activities, that at the time just seemed like normal stuff and it was normal back then.  I ran around my entire small town with out an adult hovering over me, but you better believe if I DID get into trouble my mother knew about it before I walked in the door and there was a switch waiting for me with my name all over it (or a wooden spoon..and it wasn't for tasting that nights supper!!)  The power of a village raising a child.  Neighbors watching out for neighbors keeping an eye on the children.  If you messed up or got hurt a neighbor would either give you a band aid or send your ass home where they had already been on the phone talking to your mom and mom knew what you did before you got in the door.

You have parents working their asses off to keep a roof over their families heads.  Some homes have ONE working parent, others have two, some have no working parent because the parent is ill or struggling with some illness whether a physical one or a mental illness.  Absent parents who do not want to be a part of their kids lives, or who aren't allowed to be a part of their kids lives.  Children growing up watching their parents be addicted to drugs (pills, meth etc) it's horrible.  Children are witnessing HORRIBLE things at such young tender ages.  Witnessing violence in the home, drug addiction, broken marriages, broken lives, and then we act surprised when a kid is all messed up.  The days where parents can be PARENTS seems to be over.  Where parents could afford to keep their kids in activities to help keep the kid busy and out of trouble, to give the child something to feel PROUD of.  I am a FIRM believe in extracurricular activities. I'm not talking about cramming your kids life so full of extra stuff they hyperventilate and can't breathe from the pressure, but I'm talking about put your dang kid in soccer, or baseball, or soccer.  Introduce them to a hobby.  Check out scouts. If you are a family struggling financially your child likely has state insurance, guess what...call that number on that card and they will help pay for your child to be in scouts or 4H.  Why?? To give your child a PURPOSE something to empower them, something to be PROUD OF.  Show your children you are proud of them, BE THERE for them.  Allow them to have bad days, and remind them that YOU are human too and that YOU mess up too.  It's ok to let your kids know that they are right about something and you are wrong. Show them how to work hard, even if it is just working around the house.  Show them you LOVE them.  Go on a walk with them, throw a football or something with them.  READ with them.  HUG YOUR KIDS.  They are NEVER too old for a hug.  Tell them NO. Set RULES, enforce them.  It's not too late.  If you think your kid needs counseling, get them in counseling and do not second guess it.  Do not feel guilty.  Do what you think your child NEEDS.  You don't have to tell anyone else.  If you see your child struggling acknowledge it, do not let it fester.

Times are not simple anymore.  Technology is everywhere now.  I don't feel all technology is bad, but I think their needs to be ground rules, made early.

When my kids were toddlers it was starting to become common practice to hand your kids a cell phone or tablet, or put them in front of a lap top or TV. I refused.  My children do not have a TV in their bedrooms.  We do not have cable.  We have ONE desk top computer that sits at a desk in the dining room and I am the one who generally uses it, and even then it doesn't get used often.  My husband and I have cell phones, our children do not.  Now when our daughter starts Jr. High in a couple of years she will have to walk to school and she will get a phone (simple simple simple phone) to carry with her in case something happens.  Right now, she has a tablet, as do her brothers.  However, home work is to be done first (ok I slack at that one once in awhile, not even gonna lie).  However, we control what our kids down load, they only have children's You Tube, and they can only use their tablets in the living room.

Just tonight I realized my son had made a friend on some game (Roblox type game I think??) and he had been typing with this person.  I axed that game IMMEDIATELY.  My almost nine year old child does not need to be messaging ANYONE while playing a game.  He did not understand the danger he COULD be in.  He said "He is a kid like me"  How do you know he is a kid like you?  "He told me so" The naivety these children have, they literally do not know the dangers of the world and the sickos that are out there.  So how do you explain that without completely ruining their innocent thought process.  You explain some people aren't safe, and some times unsafe people are met online.  It's not safe for children to be talking to people online.  Especially when Mommy and Daddy do not know about it and we do not know the person.  It's ok to talk to Grandma, or your Aunts or your cousins, or Grandpa, but you cannot talk to strangers on the internet even if you THINK they are your friend.

So that game had to go.

My kids are not allowed to play violent games.  No shooting games.  In fact I played Mortal Combat with them, the newest one and was soooo disturbed by the newer graphics and violence in it (a lot different than the on I grew up playing!!) that we got rid of it, even the kids thought it was too much.  They play Minecraft, and Lego games.  Our Xbox sits in the living room at our ONE AND ONLY Television.  A simple 32" TV.  This way we monitor what our kids are playing, and watching.  We have Netflix and Hulu which gives us a way to set what we feel they can handle.  

We shoo or our kids outside to play, and at the ages they are now we do not feel they need CONSTANT adult supervision while they play.  They know their boundaries.  They do well to stay in them because we have TAUGHT THEM from the time they were VERY young what the boundaries were.  As they grow older and more mature those boundaries grow too.  They know we have to be able to TRUST them, and they also know that if they break our trust those boundaries shrink and they have to re earn that trust.  They are learning what friends in the neighborhood are ok to play with, and which ones are not and they have learned some of those lessons the hard way, and we have let them.  Better they figure out as young kids how to choose a GOOD friend, than wait until they are older and are just making friend with anyone and don't care who they choose and fall in with a bad crowd (not to say that might not still happen, but at least demonstrating what good friendships are, and having allowed them to learn good and bad friends while young, it will at least help and set that example).

We still stress the importance of FAMILY time.  We have family game and movie nights.  We go to the park together, volunteer together, go to their ball games together.  We work hard to SUPPORT the positive things in each others lives.  If there is a negative thing....we work on it together and love them through it and allow them enough safe space to grow.

Even having done everything that WE THINK as a parent is right....we ultimately do not get to choose the choices our children will make as they grow.  Unfortunately...our children are the ones responsible for those choices and we can pray we did well and gave them life lessons that they can draw wisdom from.  

I also agree with the fact that God has been taken so far out of our schools that it is ridiculous.  I know that is a touchy subject with parents.  When I was in school we still had prayer at the pole.  I remember the Boy Scouts in my school used to do prayer at the pole and do a pole folding thing at the end of the day.  There was a Christian group in our school, FCA that did student lead prayer at the poles.  We used to recite the National Anthem as well.  I remember having moments of silence before ball games too.  God wasn't gone from our schools, not yet anyway.  Now days.....kids seem afraid to utter a word about God.  They do not want to be punished for believing in God, or made  to believe that they are making everyone around them uncomfortable for their beliefs, so these children are forced to stay silent.  I teach MY children it is ok to pray in school, it is ok that when you feel afraid, or stressed, or angry that you take those feelings right to God.  No matter where you are.  You can do it in your head where no one else can hear, or whisper it to yourself, its' ok.  If that makes you feel better, safer, happier, less stressed, do it.  I do that at work often myself!!

Kids need something to believe in now days.  They need SOMETHING to give them hope when so much in their life seems hopeless, what's wrong with giving children hope, and love through God?  The idea that something bigger than yourself is in control of a scary situation actually comforted me when I was a kid.  That no matter what, God had my back even if no on else did.  If teaching a child they are not alone is a bad thing.....then I hate to see what a good thing to teach them is.  That there is nothing bigger out there, that all is hopeless, you are utterly alone???? That isn't comforting.  That isn't positive.  That isn't helpful at all.  That's lonely and terrifying.  I'd rather think I have a friend in Jesus than trudge through this scary world thinking I am alone.

Bring God back to the classroom.  I'm not saying you have to do a full on sermon in the classroom by any means.  But it shouldn't be wrong to allow kids to pray. To talk among themselves about what they believe.  It also doesn't hurt them to learn about how a classmate believes.

It is DEFINETLY time that parents got ANGRY and got UNITED about our children's safety.  Parents united for car seat safety.  Parents united against drunk driving, women, moms, have been a driving force against equal rights for women because we got angry against injustices in the work place.  So parents, it's ok to GET ANGRY, we SHOULD be angry.  We should be angry because our kids are being killed IN SCHOOL.  Whose kids will be next?  I think prayer is a WONDERFUL thing, but prayer without action, doesn't necessarily make things happen. When you feel helpless in a situation and you literally do not know what to do, it isn't wrong to send out prayer for someone who is hurting.  However, it's time that we get it together and DO SOMETHING as a country.  We need to UNITE on the issue and all I see is MORE arguing and hate.  Let's throw more fuel on the fire, that works to put out the fire doesn't it.  I think not.

I see all of these little "tips and tricks" to keep kids safe.  Bullet proof glass, metal detectors, giving kids rubber door stops to carry with them to wedge in a door to keep it closed, these special bar devices a teacher shoves under the door and uses to barricade the door making it next to impossible for a shooter to get in, bullet proof back packs, curtains made of Kevlar in the classrooms, active shooter drills and teaching kids to spread out in the classroom so they aren't an easier target, making kids feel like they need to jump in front of a bullet to save their class mates.  Giving guns to teachers and staff, police officers at schools, so many things.  But those aren't solutions.  Those are defensive tricks.  Tricks to help buy some more time.  Tricks that MIGHT make you live.

Yes making laws won't solve all the answers, but laws ARE an affective way at helping to make the world safer.  Yes often criminals will still find a way to commit a crime but my goodness let's not make it EASY for them to do commit a crime.  Make it as freaking hard for them as you possibly can.  What do they tell children to help protect them from kidnappers?   Be as loud and "difficult" as you can and make it super hard for them to grab you so it draws attention to them and make it take longer for them to grab you which they want it to be quick, so don't make it quick.  LOUD and busy and make them flee.  Should be the same with all criminals.  MAKE IT HARD FOR THEM.  Make them change their mind.

I hope that we can ALL agree that something needs to be done.

Look at your children, and ask yourself.  Do you love your gun rights more than you love your child?  Is your desire for a gun more important for your child to go to school and learn safely?  Does YOUR gun at your home ensure YOUR child's safety at school?  Are you going to follow your child around for the rest of their life acting as their body guard with your gun?  Or do you want to make the world a safer place FOR your child to exist.

The senseless murders of our children have GOT TO STOP.  

Happy Summer Vacation Time

Happy SUMMER everyone! I hope everyone is having a truly fantastic summer.  Thankfully it hasn't been too awfully hot here but it is just now the beginning of July, so hey we shall see what the rising temps have in store for us. I know my utility bill would be happy if temps stayed mild but I know we won't possibly be that lucky.

Has anyone made big summer vacation plans?  We haven't really.  I mean, I finally have a job that I can build up vacation time and then guess what...I can never use it. So in the mean time...my vacation time just sits there waiting for me. So there goes our summer camping trip we were planning on.  Granted we did camp in the back yard already, and it was super nice but it's just not the same. 





Above photos from our fun adventures at the lake this weekend!

This weekend (and last weekend) we went to the lake. We have been to two different lakes lately, and the kids are loving it.  They want to continue checking out different lakes in the area and ya know rating the state park swimming areas. Swimming is their big thing right now.

Above: Nothing says summer funnin' like a goofy family photo!

Last week we took my Mother back home she was down visiting for a week and it was just absolutely wonderful. She rarely gets to see my kids even though she lives only an hour and a half away.  She doesn't drive, and there was a big chunk of time where our own  transportation was sketchy.  Now that we have reliable transportation I also happen to work all of the freaking time, so traveling even an hour and a half away is difficult some times. So kidnapping my Mother for a week was very nice! The kids would wake up every morning and have coffee with Grandma around the kitchen table.  During the week my Mother was visiting I think I only had a day off 2x.  Which means I got to be present and hear my kids sitting around the kitchen table with Grandma sipping on coffee and getting laughter and conversations that made my heart smile. I loved doing this with my Grandmother when I was a child. Only I was only allowed to drink hot tea or hot cocoa, not so much coffee haha, so my kids are lucky  there. 





Above photos are some long over due photos I talked my mother in to doing while she was down visiting!

We went to our towns Art on the Block event while my Mother was down visiting, it was really fun! Not quite as hot as usual which was nice, but it was still on the warm side. It also rained later in the evening and washed away everyone's side walk chalk art, which is always sad. We also  took my Mother to an early 4th of July celebration put on for the community by a local church, that was really fun too and thankfully not scorching hot like usual either! My Mother even won in the raffle! So did one of my sons!

Currently we are gearing up for 4th of July, but I have no idea what we are doing.  We bought a few fire works, we aren't really in to shooting them off ourselves.  We also aren't too in to going to the cities enormous over the top 4th of July celebration.  It gets super over whelming, and lasts all freaking day and is just exhausting. We will likely just stay home for the 4th of July and call it an early night or something. Especially since we already did one 4th of July celebration last weekend, that was really all the fire works and fun we need.

The kids just realized they only have a month and a half left of summer vacation.  They are a little upset at how quick their summer is going.  Going to summer school kind of helped their summer go by a little quicker.

We like to keep our summers fairly low key.  We do not do summer sports. We do family things in the summer. Visiting the lake, going hiking, camping in the back yard, going on little adventures, etc.  To us that's more fun than going to baseball games and things like that.  Besides, my kids aren't big on baseball (I am not sure how that happened as I LOVE baseball, but my kids do not share that sentiment, I think they get it from their father who is also not a baseball fan). 

CS#2 will be starting TACKLE football this fall.  I am a whole lotta nervous bout that one!! However, he is super excited.  I figured we would let him try and see what he thinks.  He has played a lot of flag football and is now old enough to move up to tackle football. 

The other two kiddos are staying in soccer this fall.  CS#1 moves up to a new age level and he is sooo freaking excited.  He will be in a bigger field and their will actually be a goalie now.  He was getting bored in the other age level because the field was small and there were no goalies and few players. His sister has been in this group for awhile and this will be her last season in this age group before she ages up next spring.

It's also time to start thinking about back to school shopping. FUN TIMES. Backpacks, and supplies, clothes. and all that fun stuff. Time to suck the bank account dry with school shopping, and preparing for my daughters TENTH birthday.  Yeh.  10. DOUBLE FRICKIN' DIGITS.

We have also been fostering a pug this summer.  Never dealt with a pug before until this little foster pup.  They are an interesting breed that's for sure.  OH and we also adopted a kitten.  So yeh. She has lots of teeth and claws and uses them all very well, I need to take out stock in Neosporin and Band-Aids. She is not a nice kitten.




Above photos: Our little foster pup, she's  too stinking cute for words.


Above: Our new little kitten of fury.

Happy Hearts Day!

I am such a terrible poster lately.  There just isn't enough hours in the day to do all I want to accomplish and even now I'm up way past my bedtime and it will bite me in the tush tomorrow night as I work my over night shift. Sleep is a very precious commodity. I thought I was tired when the kids were babies.  Nope.  I am pretty sure I am to the bone exhausted now days.  No amount of sleep is going to make me un tired.

I feel like I'm constantly on the go. Rush rush is all I do.  Rush to work by 4:45 every morning (cept the days I work an over night shift, then it's off work by 5am and then I rush home to grab an hour of sleep and then wake up to get the kids off to school, and then rush home to sleep until two and then get up and rush rush to get chores and errands done before the kids get home from school).  If I'm working days it's rush to work, pray the day goes by quickly, and then rush home (or to the store or whatever else I need to get done before my kids get home at 4:30). 

Get home work done, supper done, scouts and soccer practices and football practice too.  On the weekends there are sports games and church activities. 

My calendar.  I don't even want to talk about it, and none of it is for me.

And the crazy part is?  My kids aren't even that busy with stuff honestly.  Two out of three play soccer in the spring and fall.  One plays football in the fall (and now in the spring), my daughter also plays basketball in the winter.  Daughter is also in Girl Scouts (the boys gave up on Boy Scouts because our troop was not active and they weren't having fun and now they are leery of joining a new troop).  It's not like we do dance or gymnastics or karate (which  trust me if we could afford it, I know they would all be in karate for sure).  They want to be in wrestling really bad, but again...the cost for three kids to be in and then the cost of travel.  I can't take that much time off from work to get them where they need to go, so traveling sports teams are not working for us right now, which makes me sad because I know they would enjoy it.

I've always been that mom that has worked her butt off to be creative and go above and beyond on everything the kids do or want to do.  I think I burned my candle at both ends well before my daughter was in third grade.  I always made sure I was  super creative with everything we did.  Now?  The kids and I are like "Meh" when it comes to things like Valentines day boxes for their class parties.  We don't really care.  We've "Been there done that" early on and so the excitement of it just doesn't appeal.

This year my daughter wanted a Shopkins mailbox from Wal Mart for her valentines box at school.  That's exactly what we did.  We didn't make fancy cards, we bought a box of Shopkins cards. Tada. I bought a bag of suckers and sent it all to school.

My sons, they still haven't finished their boxes.  Their cards are done.  For their boxes I went to the store and bought two $1 boxes and folded them up and taped them to be more sturdy and then they will glue foam hearts all over them.  Creative, no?

The boys like the idea.  Simple.

My kids, when I asked them if they were ok with their "simple" non creative boxes, looked at me like I was an idiot and said "who cares? We have a box to put our stuff in and you got us suckers and heart candies to take to school"  I still have to remember to get cupcakes for my sons.

My daughter already had her class party on Friday.  So in my mind...Valentines Day is over.  Which means....I'll probably forget to send the boys to school with their stuff on TUESDAY MORNING.  On top of that I work an over night shift on Monday...so I will be like stupid tired on Tuesday morning. Brain fog central.

I was not designed to work over night shifts.  It is not my favorite.  But when paying bills and raising a family you do what you have to do, and at least it isn't every night but only once maybe twice a week I can deal with that. 

I used to try so hard in all things I did for the kids.  Now I'm like "Meh, good enough". 

Glad I'm done having kids.  If I ever had another that poor kid would get the short end of the stick.

My daughter is almost 10, I spent over half of her life showing off my creativity and brain power at doing all kinds of awesome mom shit. 

Now it's her turn to use some of that creativity that she inherited and learn to do some cool shit on her own.

My sons, they are so much like their dad.  They are content with the basics.  They never ask to go all crazy and big on anything.  Simple guys, they really are.  They just want the basics, nothing too busy or over the top. 

Now birthday parties and Christmas and Easter those are still my TOP holidays to show off my creativity and all that (and can't forget Halloween and Thanksgiving). 

I just find myself going WOW I still have all of these AMAAAAZING ideas and I DO want to do them, but oh grief.  Look at that bank account.  I still have to pay the electric bill and sign two kids up for soccer and one for football and get started on Easter basket shopping and the boys' 8th birthday is right around the corner.  NOT to mention the new vehicle we're getting when income tax rolls around (and then that will be gone, but at least we will have a car).  So instead all of my ideas and creativity gets put on the back burner with dreams of "getting them done". 

I guess I just prioritize differently now.

Back when the kids were little my "ME" tim was blogging after they went to bed, or Facebooking off and on throughout the day when I needed a moment to zone out and regather my brain.

Now?  I honestly don't know what me time is. There is no time. I need to clean (Which I SWEAR my house is more of a chaotic mess now that my kids are OLDER than what it EVER was when they were toddlers!!) We also have neighborhood kids running in and out of the house all day and that makes things crazy too. 

We still foster dogs, so there's chaos that ensues with that too.

Some days I'm just ready to pull my (starting to go gray) hair out.

I work full time hours at work, and then do full time mom stuff. And then my kids break my heart when they get disappointed I have to work the day of the class parties.  Parties start at one and are over at two, and I don't get off work until two, and even then I don't usually get out of there right at two.  Even the day I had to be at an IEP meeting right after work and was trying to leave early, I still didn't get out of there early. 

Luckily made it to the meeting on time, and it was a good meeting. Yay for a good IEP meeting those are always great.

Now don't get me wrong I still do a lot for my kids that are fun.  We host all kinds of fun parties for the kids, and not just my kids but all the kids in the neighborhood and we have done so for several years now and we love it. 

Over the summer we hosted a neighborhood squirt gun fight that the kids all LOVED it was so much fun.  We also had a big ice cream party right before school started and again, all of the kids in  the neighborhood LOVED it.  We usually do a neighborhood Fourth of July event, but we couldn't do that this year due to my work schedule.  I basically work every holiday (yay holiday pay!) But boo on missing out on family time. Choosing between bills and your family isn't ever fun. However it's a struggle a LOT of families face every day, so I'm not any more special than any other family or mom out there.

Over the summer we also did a drive in move for the kids in the back yard.  We plan on buying a projector to use this summer. However, last year we brought out our TV screen and sat it all up in the back yard and the kids brought their blankets and spread them all out over the lawn and we had tables full of snacks and drinks for the kids and they got to watch movies in the back yard at dusk.  Tons of fun!

So while I beat myself up about not doing SOME things for my kids (Fancy class party boxes etc) or missing class parties...I also have to remind myself that we still do a LOT of stuff for the kids. Just over the years ideas, have shifted.  We take a lead from the kids and what they are interested in and what they want to do and follow their interests letting them explore fun ideas and things. We still spend a lot of time at the park, and at the lake.  However more time is spent in our own neighborhood. The kids LOVE being outside.  The boys grab their big collection of NERF Guns and head outside to meet up with the neighborhood kids for NERF wars or "zombie" wars.  Or they all ride their bikes.  They play all kinds of crazy games.  They get DIRTY, they are covered in mud when they come inside, all three of them.  Ruin their play clothes, which thankfully they are already play clothes).  BUT they are wearing huge smiles (most of the time...) and happy and making memories.  It isn't about how BIG or crazy you go for them.  It's about taking an interest IN them and letting them be themselves and have fun.

I can only remember ONE creative Valentines box from when I was in school, and that was the year my Mother made me a GIANT white mail box out of poster board.  It was really cool, had the big red flag and everything.  However, she didn't let me help make it. Everyone loved it.  Cept me.  I mean, yeh I liked it and thought it was cool, but  I didn't get to help with it.

I had always taken a Kleenex box and covered it in red construction paper, and pink hearts and put one or two of my favorite Valentines cards on it from the ones I had chosen to hand out that year.  They weren't creative at all, quite simple, but I had made them. I loved them.

For Kams I have made a giant Rapunzel tower out of oatmeal cylinder boxes, and a Hello Kitty box, and I don't even remember what all else she's had SOOO many big creative boxes.  (From the time she was three and started preschool, so like  6 years of this now LOL) She's over the "coolness" of it, and so am I.

We have found (for us) that creating big projects like THAT cause more stress and less ACTUAL time spent together. 

We'll save those kinds of projects for the holidays and birthdays, times when we KNOW it's ok to GO BIG. I LOVE throwing a big birthday party!! LOVE parties!

I throw little holiday parties at my house all the time. We just had a little Valentines party for some of the kids in the neighborhood on Saturday.  They had so much fun! So did I. We did a Christmas party for the kids where they made home made ornaments decorated cookies, and then I took them out caroling in our neighborhood and they loved it. We will do another neighborhood party for Easter. I've already started planning that one! BUT First I have to finish planning the 8th birthday party for my sons.  Which I already have an awesome head start and most of the décor. (Hey April is coming up quickly). 

I've been sitting here filling out my paper calendar (Gosh I'd be lost without all my calendars).  Filling out soccer games and practices, and all kinds of other stuff.  I'm just finding myself thankful that my kids are able to be who they are and do what they enjoy doing.  I didn't get to do that when I was a kid.  I was in NOTHING until I started band in 5th grade.  NO sports, NO dance classes, NOTHING.  No Girl Scouts, not a single thing.  Which was both frustrating to me as a child who WANTED to do things, but looking back I realize it was more liberating than anything, so looking at things from my perspective I try to walk a line of letting my kids do the things they love (Sports, scouts etc), but also still just be crazy little kids getting dirty in the mud for as long as they can. 

Being a mom is utterly exhausting.
Being a mom is wonderfully exhilarating.

Always something new! Always changing and growing and learning new ways of doing things, and I'm not just talking about the kids! PARENTS are too!

We've been there done that on a lot of things.  Some things I loved some I hated but I learned something from all of it, and I will continue to do so.  I know we have some challenging years ahead and likely our family priorities and creativity will shift again before it's all said and done. My daughter is almost a pre teen.  She is just about 6 months away from being in the DOUBLE DIGITS.  My sons are almost 8. They won't be my "little" boys much longer.  They have already changed a lot, in just a year.

Tonight I got to watch CS#2 totally LIGHT UP when he saw that his new Beta Fish had been delivered by a good friend of ours. He has named his fish Sparky and loves him to bits. Later this week my son will go in to Oncology for a yearly check up to make sure he is still NED from the cancer he was diagnosed with as a newborn, Neuroblastoma.  He's a tough kid! It's a big milestone. so naturally I thought he needed a surprise gift, and that was his fishy fish. He loves fish! I loved seeing his face light up!

So here's to an amazing Happy Heart Day on Tuesday, and an amazing doctor appointment on Wednesday!

Whether you are making amazingly creative and thoughtful Valentines Boxes for your kids (and letting them help...or not), or keeping it simple and buying them, or keeping it even simpler and just letting them make something at school....however you are  doing it...just know...in the end you are doing what works for you, and keep it up! You never know what will work for you next year.  Don't beat yourself up for what you can or can't do, there isn't enough time in life for that. Life changes so quickly it seems we never know what will happen tomorrow. 

Circus Mom

Fall Is Here and Thanksgiving is Nigh!

It's that time of the year again where Christmas starts taking over the stores.  Christmas music, toys, Santa, the push to get people on the ball and searching for those hot holiday deals and get the BEST presents ever.  The time of year where parents start threatening children with "you'll end up Santa's NAUGHTY LIST" and "Santa's WATCHING YOU!"  Yeh, we've all been there. 

The time of year where some parents are COMPLETELY stressed out because they don't know how they are going to pull Christmas out of their ass and make sure it's a decent one, even though deep down they KNOW that Christmas is NOT about the "stuff" under the tree.  It's still hard when you are already counting pennies to pay the bills and get the groceries and now you have to add presents under the tree too. 

Thank goodness for lay away is all I have to say! Even then we keep Christmas small and not over done.  We choose to focus on family over presents, which honestly isn't that the way it should be?

Before we even hit Christmas though, we have to contend with Thanksgiving, and before THAT we have Halloween, which I think we all survived?  I know my house did.  Tons of candy, three happy kids who loved their costumes and had a fantastic time going door to door showing off their costumes and hoarding candy.  It was a BEAUTIFUL year for Halloween.  The weather was so nice! Earlier in the day it had been iffy and chilly and no one knew what the evening was going to be like, but WOW it warmed up and no one needed a jacket at all and it was just a lovely night for Halloween.  Which is nice for a change because usually it's rainy and chilly.
 
My son the Woopie Cushion, he LOVED his costume.  Dad followed him around all night with the cell phone messing with the sound affects app we downloaded.  Dad loved being the "sound guy" for the Woopie Cushion!

 
My sweet and adorable little bunny rabbit. This boy LOVES rabbits and was so excited to be a bunny for Halloween.  He loved his bushy little "bunny butt", he was adorable.

 
Of course I cannot forgot my deadly Poison Ivy.  My daughter loved being her favorite villain! She was irritated though that no one knew who Poison Ivy was, they thought she was actually trying to BE the plant, not the Villain from Bat Man.  *sigh* She was annoyed most of the night with people. 

Oh and then yes, there was this too. I dressed up as Fiona from the movie Shrek.  My husband was supposed to be Shrek, however, turns out he was allergic to the green face paint and it felt like his face was going to melt off, sooo he had to wash it all off and for like four days after wards his face was red and irritated.  Even now his face is super dry and peeling in spots because of the burn from the paint be has very sensitive skin! So I had to Ogre it alone! But that's ok I had fun being Princess Fiona! Everyone know who I was, so that was great.  I had lots of compliments from people.

Now that we have put Halloween behind us (well some of us have I still have a few Halloween decorations hanging up around the house that I need to deal with before I can get up the rest of my Thanksgiving stuff!!)  Most of us are already planning our Thanksgiving meals!




I LOVE Thanksgiving.  I love to host family and friends at my house and go all out.  I try to make it look like Martha Stewart threw up in my house (haha).  I just love having holiday stuff at my home.  LOVE it. 

For Halloween we had a Halloween party the day before, and invited all the neighborhood kiddos, I am pretty sure they had fun.  I know I did!!

This year for Thanksgiving I'm pretty sure I am going to have to work.  I'm bummed, but at the same time Thanksgiving is one of those days that I can bend a little on and schedule it on another day during Thanksgiving break.  So working that day isn't a big no no for me, besides, it's Holiday pay, can't say no to that! Specially this time of year.

I am not 100% sure WHEN or WHERE we're having Thanksgiving.  My little sister just got a house, and she had really wanted to host it this year and I was ok with that, but I don't know if she's going to or not.  If she does, I hope our vehicle will make it's way to her house.  I would LOVE to see my sister and nephews for Thanksgiving.  Plus it's less of a drive for my stepdad who lives several hours away. 

The weather has been super nice for November so my family and I headed out to do some fall and Christmas photos the other day.  It started out a wreck, but it ended well.  I got some wonderful photos that I'm very happy with. 

 

 

We always PLAN to do Christmas photo, but eh, it never goes well.  So this year I was very happy when they worked out.  Below is just a little sneak peak, and these aren't even my absolutely favorites.  I know they may not be PERFECT but we love them.

We also have to plan our trip to the Christmas tree farm and cut down our Christmas tree.  We did a real tree last year and WOW the kids absolutely freaking loved it.  It looked pretty too.  So we'll get another one this year. 

We don't put our  tree up until generally December first, or at least some time within the first week of December.  It comes down, a day or two after Christmas, I like all the Christmas stuff down and put away before the first of the year.  That way I'm not started the new year with trying to put away Christmas decorations. 

I am *HOPING* I won't be working Christmas day, but we shall see.  We don't go out of town for Christmas, I feel like our kids should be home for Christmas.  I also don't expect family to travel to our house for Christmas either, though I certainly do not tell anyone know if they say they want to come for Christmas.  I don't want people to be alone on Holidays either. 

So while Christmas is coming, I am more excited for Thanksgiving! For Turkey and family and laughs and well, yah the FOOD! Yum!

So in spite of all things political at the moment, I'm trying to enjoy the rest of 2016.  I mean, the new President doesn't take office until January, so we still have a little time to enjoy ourselves before we are fully thrust into the unknown.  It isn't the President that makes or breaks us, they don't rule over everything with an iron fist.  We are a democratic country.  We have a say in things too, we got this America.  Go enjoy your turkey and your family.  Try not to hyperventilate.  Poor a glass of wine, and watch some Netflix and calm down.  You deserve that after such a crazy election.  I know I'm trying to calm the heck down and relax and not panic too much! What is they say on "A Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy"?  DON'T PANIC. 



And according to the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, just remember the answer 42, because that is the answer to everything.  All of everything.  The BIG answer.  42.  Ha.  I love that movie.  Time to drag it out and give it a watch! That movie has always made me laugh, and I loved the book.



(FYI Hitchhikers guide images are not mine)


What do ya know, I covered three holidays and the election in one blog post.  Huh.  Nice. 

Now it's off to tidy off the house a bit before the kids get home any minute from school.  I have to work on supper (tortellini soup) and I still go in tonight to work an over night shift. 

Mom Circus

I Voted

Yesterday, was election day.  The day that everyone (well mostly everyone??)  gets out there and casts their vote in the hopes that the candidate they support will get into the office they are after.  Could be anything from the Sheriff of your town, Governor, Senate, Congress, the Senate, or the WHITE HOUSE.  Big changes.  Big dreams.  Big emotions. 



I have been registered to vote since right before I turned eighteen years old.  I remember in high school some people came to our school and if you were going to be eighteen by a certain time, you got to register early, and then you could vote come the next election...once you were eighteen anyway.  I jumped right on that.  I'm a pretty opinionated person, especially back when I was younger.  I was very very vocal about my opinions and didn't really care who I hurt in the process, if I had an opinion I was unfiltered and I was going to say it and the consequences and feelings of others be damned.  That's just the way I was. 

Of course as most very young adults....I had sooo many opinions and OF COURSE they were all right, and everyone else was wrong. 

Thank GOD I grew up.  I realized my opinions are NOT the only ones that matter.  I'm not always right.  Sometimes, very often in fact, I am wrong. 

I learned to open my eyes and see both sides of a situation, to be a little more open minded. That it's still ok to have strong morals and values, but at the same time I can't judge someone and persecute them because they aren't living like me.  That's not what God would want me to do.  God wants me to show love and kindness to everyone.  You do not have to agree with someone or like the way they live to show them kindness and love.  You can be a decent human being and not agree with everyone.  Hate, has never been the answer.  Hate, comes from fear, and FEAR is not from God.  Hate is not from God.  I don't want to live in hate. 

I have watched this election pretty closely.  I along with so many other Americans (and many from other countries as well!!) Have often shook my head in disbelief over one candidate or the other going "are they for real?"  I've tossed and turned at night weighing my options trying to decide who I could bring myself to vote for.  It is NOT a decision that I took lightly, not at all.  During all that time I've listened to others who have had a clear chosen victor the entire time.  A candidate that they WHOLE HEARTEDLY supported.  I was happy for them.  I never thought they were stupid.  I never thought less of them for supporting who they supported.  It's a very personal thing to support a candidate.  YOUR life experiences affect who you support.  Your family and their situations, your religion, your day to day activities, your job, your 'place' in life, all have an affect on who you are going to support.  SO much is at stake.  We get FOUR years of whoever we vote into office.  That's four years of our future we don't know what's going to happen but we hope we've made the best choice we can. 

I heard that there was a HUGE voter turn out this year, and that's great! I'm glad so many people got out there and did what they could to MAKE THEIR VOICE BE HEARD. 

This was me waiting in line at my polling place.  I got some odd looks

for taking a selfie in line,but eh, that's ok.  I was wearing this 

facial expression for so many reasons. 

1.  Because HELLO I was on my way to vote...and was super stressed about it. 

2.  I had just gotten news the lab screwed up my sons

VERY important lab work and I had to hurry to get my kid

from school so he could re do his labs,

so yeh...was NOT a happy human at this point.

I worked yesterday and didn't get off work until two.  In that time I saw many people come in displaying their "I VOTED" sticker.  Many people....did not look happy.  They looked confused, and concerned and like they were in a dream state, not sure if they did the "right" thing for their country.  Many people were just plain unhappy.  There were some, that came in all smiles and "GET OUT THERE AND VOTE!"  you could tell THEY were certain for who they had voted for, they were HAPPY with their vote.  They weren't conflicted.  So many WERE conflicted though.  This is something that weighs heavily on their shoulders, and I am with those who feel that way. 



It wasn't a surprise or a shock to too many people that I disliked BOTH candidates.  I mean here and there they both had things that I stood for and I was like YES I agree with them on that one, but I agree with this one on that point.  I couldn't just back one or the other, I just, couldn't. 

Many will say I "wasted" my vote because I voted third party.  That's ok, that's your opinion.  I however, do NOT feel like I "wasted" my vote.  Call me one of the "dumb ones" or whatever.  Call me uneducated or stupid, that's fine.  You don't know what goes on in my head or how much thought I put into this, how I literally CRIED over this election, and how much I have prayed.  The many conversations my husband and I have had over this election.  How we have done our best to share the election with our children but to keep it open so THEY can choose their own opinions and not feed off the opinions of their parents.  BUT we also still wanted them to know where their mom and dad stood on so many issues and why we felt the way we did. 

My kids are young guys.  I'm talking the boys are 7 and my daughter is 9.  My daughter could have cared less about the election she was kind of off in lala land doing her own thing.  Ask her who is running for President and she gives you a blank stare and says "huh?"  Not that she hasn't been told, not that we haven't discussed it with her, it just frankly didn't interest her in the slightest.  She would actually leave the table and say she was bored and would go play.  Politics, do not interest her.  Not right now.  She's nine.  She wants to be a child.  Now WORLD events bother her a lot more.  Politics...she ignores.  She cares not for this worlds politics.  She does care however, about humanitarian issues.  (Which I've tried to explain to her how the two tie in to each other, but she doesn't care).  To her...right is right and wrong is wrong, and we should help those who are hurting and in need.  No one should be left behind.  She leaves in a very ideal little world apparently.  Where everything is equal and fair.  She's still young.  She's still learning.  She will learn as she grows how the world is, regardless of how we want it to be.  I DO hope she grows up to do great things, to HELP others.  I want her dreams to be made real.  I WANT her to help those in need, and to give out of kindness and love. 

My sons, are much more realistic, and they are very insightful for seven years old.  I can actually have some pretty good conversations with them regarding politics and the like.  We have to work on backing up their opinions with facts, and not getting up set when someone disagrees with us, but they are getting there and I'm pretty impressed with them.  One of my sons literally sobbed this morning when he found out who our new President was.  He was devastated.  He has watched the debates, he has seen the news.  He finds Trump to be an angry person.  The first time he saw Trump on TV he had no idea who it was and he asked me "Who is that angry man and why does he seem to hate everyone??"  That was his first reaction to Trump.  NO ONE had told him anything.  He came to that conclusion upon listening to the words coming out of the mans mouth.  That is when we started explaining things to him, and from that point...my son wanted nothing to do with "the angry man".  My other son, he liked Clinton, because well it would be kind of cool to have a girl president because "we haven't had one in a really long time" as my son put it.  I explained we have NEVER had a female President, BUT that doesn't mean she's the one we should vote on and put in the office.  NOT simply because she would make history.  We have to look at what lies BEHIND the woman.  What does she stand for?  What has she done?  Do you think you can trust her?  He liked her because she always seemed to stay calm, and she seemed smart, unlike the "angry guy"  (Who my kids called Donald Duck, because well they are 7 and names are not their strong point, hahaha which I always laughed and said it was kind of fitting. You couldn't understand much of what the man said and he was prone to tantrums...sooo likening him to Donald Duck was priceless).  But I didn't let my kids know that, I just grinned and went on. 

I got off work yesterday after spending my whole nearly 10 hour shift cracking political jokes, and trying to make people SMILE again.  Saying they needed to hand out Vodka at the voting booths (one when you check in, have one at your voting booth, and one when you drop off your ballot and leave).  Three shots oughta do it, right? I joked around about apologizing to everyone who came in with an "I Voted" sticker on.  "Hey I noticed you voted, I'm so sorry!"  Boss said that might not be a good idea.  I squeezed a few of those lines in anyway (with customers I knew well). 



Heavy burden we all bore yesterday.  Heavy. 

I went in to my voting poll hoping the line would not be too long as I had heard earlier in the day the lines were crazy.  I ended up waiting in line probably close to 45min give or take.  I got my voting done, and cast my ballot.  It was hard to let that paper go into that machine.  I didn't want to...but I didn't know what else to do. I did what I could do.  The rest...was in God's hands. 

After I voted I went about my day, doing some things I needed to take care of.  Later I settled down and started watching the votes come in.  I felt my anxiety rising, my stomach churning.  I didn't want either candidate in office, yet I knew it would be ONE of them I just didn't know which one.  I drank a beer, I cracked a few more jokes.  I watched the news channels and Facebook.  I was saddened by so much hate that I read.  The people's comments I was reading, so sad.  So much hate. 

I ended up going to bed around 10:30.  I just couldn't stay up any longer.  I had to rip my eyes off the train wreck that is America's future.  This morning I woke up and unfortunately before I even got out of bed I checked the news....I'm not going to lie.  I cried.  I cried when I saw who the President was. 

Not happy tears.  And to be fair I would have cried no matter which one was voted in. 

The thing that scares me....is the HATE.  Trump I feel is backed by a lot of hate.  He didn't CAUSE the hate, the hate was already there, just people had been keeping it in check for years.  Now it feels like so much of that hate has been released.  I feel like, Trump let's people feel like it's ok to hate, like it's ok to judge and be mean to others.  They hear what he says, and the crazy off the wall way he does and says things and it makes NO sense.  YET, people follow him, because deep down...they feel that same way.  It's not money or power that makes you feel that way.  Sure, Trump has money and he has power...but I would say the biggest majority of us in this country do not.  We are not all rich.  We are not all in powerful positions.  People from ALL KINDS of backgrounds have supported Trump.  I get that not EVERYONE who supports Trump is full of hate, quite the contrary.  Many are NOT.  Many are the most thoughtful kind people you could meet.  They voted Trump because they did NOT believe in what Clinton stood for.  They couldn't stand an office with Clinton in and felt Trump was the only way to go.  I totally understand that, I do.  As I said, many of Trumps points I agreed with too (But Clinton had many I agreed with as well but neither one of them WOW'd me enough to win my vote). 

Currently, I am trying to keep an open mind.  Not all Trump supporters are full of hate.  Not all Clinton supporters are poor losers.  Emotions are just REALLY REALLY high right now.  This whole election has been a VERY strong emotionally packed one!

As I explained to my children this morning.  "You guys play sports, you understand that sports is like a race.  Both TEAMS work as hard as they can, they give it their all to try and win.  However, we all know there is side that ends up losing.  One team is usually stronger than the other at some point and that team wins.  What do you do at the end of every sports game?  What do Coaches teach their players from a SUPER young age?  Even though you LOSE, you shake hands with the other team and say GOOD GAME.  You don't get angry, and yell, and shout and throw things and threaten people. THAT is being a sore loser.  You congratulate the other team, the winning side.  You USE THAT LOSS to fuel you for next time.  You USE IT to make you work harder, to get better so NEXT time you are in that race...you will be better, stronger, and your chances of winning are even better, and you might just be the winner the next time."  Use it as a humbling moment.  Not a moment to be angry and lash out.  That's the easy way out. 

My kids were all a little disappointed this morning (well cept maybe my daughter who I'm not even sure really even cared?? She just changed the subject to "Hey what's for breakfast??")  The girl thinks with her stomach I swear. 

I told my children, be kind.  To everyone you meet.  You don't know what their story is, what goes on in their life.  YOUR smile YOUR kindness might be the ONLY kindness they see that day.  YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE by just being KIND.  Spread love, not hate.  (Yes yes we are hippies in this house). 

I told them that you will likely hear adults talking about the election results, you may hear ANGRY adults (or even angry kids fueled by what they have heard their parents say at home).  You may see sad people, scared people.  Those are all VERY really emotions right now.  It's OK to feel those things, our heads are reeling from this insane election ride.  I know I asked to get off this election ride more than once the past few months!

Guys, our kids are the future.  THEY are who we are fighting for.  What kind of legacy do we want to leave them?  One filled with hate?  Do we want to spread more hate?  Hate gets us NO WHERE have you not seen the hate in other countries and see what it has done?  If Trump is our President, so be it.  The polls showed he's the winner, so he's the winner.  I congratulate Trump on his win, and I pray for the best for him while he's in office.  Like I do for EVERY President we have had since I was old enough to realize what a President was.  I want to protect my children.  I want to teach them to live in their community, to live on this earth with everyone here.  We share the same planet.  No one particular race or religion "owns" the Earth.  We are lucky to HAVE this planet and to be ON it.  Start acting like it.  Take care of your planet, take care of your neighbor, take care of the stranger.  Spread your JOY not your hate.  If laughter is contagious, shouldn't we be spreading that like wild fire?  Spread love and joy and happiness.  That gets us a lot further than hate, and pain and sadness and uncertainty. 

We got this America.  There is no turning back now.  Besides, one President cannot do it all alone.  There are checks and balances in place to make sure that ONE person does not have too much power, and from what I have seen the other governing bodies are pretty well sat up so that Trump won't have too much power and he's really going to have to work for what he wants to do.  So that helps me feel a little better.  Our country wasn't totally off it's rocker when it voted yesterday.  They were thinking a little.

I get why they didn't want Hillary.  I get that they REALLY did not have a lot of options.  I'm honestly not sure how it came down to be between Trump and Hillary, but that's what we ended up with, and frankly this is now what we have to live with for the next four years.  We got this.  We can get through this TOGETHER just like we have every single presidency.  Remember 9/11?  That is the biggest most horrible thing that has happened in my 32 years of life.  It will always stay with me.  THAT brought our country together.  We had such a sense of patriotism.  We were all one.  MOURNING the loss of lives, and trying to wrap our brains around what just happened.  We can still be that way.  We can still come together and try to wrap our brains around what's going on.  That unity is STILL THERE we just need to work on repairing the damage that has been done.  Love goes a long way to fix that damage. 

Trump, did not cause the hate.  He may have stirred the pot, but that hate was already there, and it has been there for a very long time.  It wasn't just hate from his supporters either, there is hate on both sides, and it's that hate that is ugly. 

I don't have much in this world.  I don't own my own home, heck I don't even own my own car, I share a car with my mother in law.  The things I DO have in this world are my children and my husband, my Mother and my sister, they are there for me in this world.  They are the people I love so incredibly much.  They are people that I love and pray for and worry about on an every day basis. 

I don't have the answers for the countries problems.  I don't know what the next four years will hold.  I know that my daughter will have just turned 13 during the next Presidential election, and my sons will be eleven and a half.  I have know idea what will happen in that four years.  At the moment?  My family is worried about Circus Son #2.  He had cancer as a newborn, Neuroblastoma.  A week or so ago he complained of abdominal pain (and he also almost broke his  toe during our Halloween Party too) and so we took him to his pediatrician for a check up, because well you can never be too sure!! Once you've had a sick child...everything worries you.  The pediatrician listened to my concerns and my son under went an X Ray to his abdomen, and his toe (no broken bones in the toe, yay!) the X Ray showed constipation, but even with that I'm still concerned.  They also did urine labs.  They showed blood in his urine.  That's not a normal thing guys. So they sent the urine off for further testing at another lab.  They did cultures which came back negative.  Which is both good and scary, because if they are both negative....why does my son have blood in his urine? 

The THIRD test got "lost" and the test was never done, so when I kept calling the doctors office they had NO CLUE what I was talking about.  Finally the local lab called me and fessed up to the mix up (found all of this out yesterday as soon as I got off work, ya know...right before I went to vote...)  I may or may not have kind of given the lab an earful, twas not a happy mama.  I take the health of my kids VERY seriously especially when ONE of them has fought a disease that could VERY MUCH KILL HIM, and has a very REAL possibility of coming back, and could once again...VERY MUCH KILL HIM. 

SO yeh, happy was not the word to describe me before I went to vote. 

As soon as I got done voting I rushed to pick my sons up from school a few minutes early so we could get to the lab to get that urine lab collected AGAIN.  We *should* know something probably Thursday (Ha, I hope so).  So right now...I sit and worry about so much stuff, stuff I can't control.  I don't know what my sons urine labs will show.  Hopefully nothing, hopefully it shows all our worry was for nothing.  Just like the election results, hopefully all of our worry is for nothing and everything turns out just fine. 

I don't regret voting.  I don't regret who I voted for. 

I'm not angry at how any of my friends or family voted.  They voted in the way they thought was right. 

I refuse to unfriend people or hate them because of how they voted or because their opinions are different than mine.  I will not do it.

Instead of saying hateful hurtful things...just pray for your country, pray for your new President.  If you aren't of the praying type, just spread kind thoughts about your country.  The President is not a God.  The President is not without faults.  He is a MAN.  Just a man.  Not perfect.  Just like all of us.  Flawed.  But God loves us despite our flaws. 

To Trump, I say congratulations, and good luck on your next four years. 

Mom Circus