Playing in the Snow!

So our family ventured outside today to see what the snow damage was and to see if we needed to further dig ourselves out from under this snow.  Thankfully it really isn't as "DOOMY" as they claimed it would be.  9in of snow?  Not that big of a deal.  Then again, I wasn't stuck on the high way during said snowpocalpse either sooo that makes a difference too! Some people were stuck on the highway for 6 hours.  THAT would suck. 

My husband and a couple of his buddies today drove around in our friends truck shoveling drive ways and walk ways for people.  They helped someone dig their trail blazer out of a ditch too. 

While they were gone I made home made open faced roast beef sandwhiches for supper with home made bread.  Yummmmy it was good.  With green beans and salad to go with it.  Totally stuffed!

This morning for breakfast I made cream cheese and blueberry stuffed french toast.  YUM-YUM-YUM! The kids devoured breakfast (and supper). 

Took the kids outside to play in the snow for a bit, they really enjoyed that.  We didn't stay out too long as it started getting cooler so we came in to have some hot cocoa with marshmallows and a snack.  They watched some cartoons and we just snuggled up warmed up from being outside. 

Keegan and Marshall going sledding today!

My silly little Kams

My little guy Keegan

Marshall completely unaware that Mommy is taking his picture

Look at that ham?  He's a total cheeseball for the camera lately, that's my Keegan

Snow angles, Keegan stlye!

Marshall building a snowman

If you read my last post, you would have heard me talk about Jane, Sally, and Barb (code names). 

Anyway....Jane called us again today.  THIS time she had Bob talk to us.  (Sally's biological dad). 

My husband and I are just exasperated and are at the point where we are like...whatever.  Jane, just do whatever it is you are going to do because you aren't going to listen to us anyway.  So we don't care.  We DO love and care about Sally but our hands are tied we can't DO anything about the situation (Barb has already tried and there is nothing she can do).  So we sit, and watch from afar, and pray that Sally stays safe.  

Keeping my mouth shut (the best I can, and that's hard for me to do!)  Though I did make sure I said loud enough that probably everyone in our neighborhood heard...that if anything happened to Sally I would personally make sure heads rolled.  I think I got my point across.

Otherwise?  I'm done.  I'm staying out of it.  I'll vent and shake my head and cry and pray.  I miss Sally so much.  My kids keep asking about her wanting to know where she is and why she hasn't come down to visit with Barb.  They want to know when they can see Sally again.  I have no answer for them. 

Barb is completely devastated.  Crushed beyond belief.  She misses Sally incredibly bad.  Jane doesn't care. 

I just don't know what to think.  So I'm just trying to stay neutral. (That's why I'm venting here).  I'm unhappy with what is going on, but I also know that really, it isn't my business...but at the same time if anything happens to Sally I'll feel awful. So what do you do?  Especially when your hands are tied. 

I grew up my whole life being kept away from my dads side of the family because of drama between them and my mother after my father commited suicide (which next month marks that anniversary). 

I didn't know my family. That hurt.  It has put a strain on things. I'm nearly 29 years old now and still know little to nothing about my fathers side of the family or my father.  Just because people were angry and hurt and couldn't over come their own bitterness.  A child suffered. 

I don't want that to happen to Sally.  I'm afraid her mom will keep her away from Barb and myself and my husband and our children and anyone else Jane feels has "wronged" her and she will fill poor little Sally's head with all kinds of things.  I don't want my children to miss out knowing a cousin.  They already have 2 cousins that live 3 hours or so away that they have only met once! They have 2 cousins that passed away as infants that they will never know.  They've only seen my cousin's little boy once or twice and I'd love for them to be able to hang out together more.  Family is VERY important to me.

As angry as I am right now with Jane.  As much as my husband would fight and curse and carry on about it, if she were to call up tomorrow begging for somewhere to stay with her and Sally, I'd let them stay here in a heart beat.  I can't let Sally suffer.  I can't let my anger and frustration affect Sally.  She is innocent and has done nothing.  I may not agree with what her mom is doing, but I still love her mom simply because she is my husband's family and because she is the mom of Sally and Sally means the world to me. 

Once after the twins were born my husband got into a major argument with his mom (over something stupid) and kicked her out of our house telling her she was NEVER allowed to see her grand children again she wasn't welcome and she was nothing to us.  (He was just angry and hurt and I knew he didn't mean those words) but they cut like a knife to my mother in law, and they hurt me just as badly.  I flipped out.  I said NO ONE in my family will be banned from seeing our family unless they are a DANGER to our children and my mother in law is FAR from being a danger to my children!! My husband had at that point stopped and thought about what he had said and what I had said, and realized right away he was very wrong in his hasty decisions.  He spent 10-12 years of his life cut off from his family, all of them.  He was raised in treatment facilites for troubled children.  ONLY seeing his mom occasionally.  He didn't see his dad again till he was 18 or 19.  He knew what I had gone through not knowing my fathers side of the family till I was 18 and how bad it had hurt me.  He has never uttered those horrible words again and now goes out of his way to make sure his mom sees our kids and is a big part of their lives.  Our kids love their Grandma to pieces. 

Now my father in law (who lives several hours away in another state) doesn't even bother to call them, or send a letter or acknowledge they exist so we pretty much gave up with him.  That's his own deal, not ours.  We went out of our way to make sure he had updates on the kids, called never getting answers so we'd leave little voice mails with breif updates on the kids and our phone numbers, never any calls back.  If someone ELSE wants to NOT be in our lives by  their choice, fine.  Whatever. 

If Jane decides she doesn't want to be a part of her life...that's her loss.  We will NEVER stop wanting to be a part of Sally's life.  We will always love Sally.   Never stop wondering how she's doing.  It's just one of those wait and see things. Maybe it won't be as bad as Barb and my husband think it is?  Again...gotta give people the benefit of a doubt...right?  I just don't know anymore. 

Just so freaking tired of the drama Jane brings anytime she is around for an extended amount of time.  Her sister Lori is just as bad (or was) though I'm sure she hasn't changed a lot but she's several states away now so who knows, we don't have to deal with anything she does or doesn't do. 

I am beginning to think living on a secluded island with my husband and kids is a good idea. 

But knowing my luck a tidal wave would take out our island. Poo.

From the Madagascar penuins "Smile and wave boys, smile and wave"

That's all you can really do sometimes in life.  Smile and wave even if you want to scream and yell. Just walk away from it all.  Don't allow yourself to get dragged down into the bog of consuming craziness around you.  (Easier said than done I know)

Well, I am up past my bedtime so I will be hitting the hay! My kids don't get the meaning of "sleeping in" on the weekends so it'll be an early start for me tomorrow like every day, silly kids.  But it just means more time spent with them!

Mae

Snowmageddon Drama

Well it's been awhile since I have popped in here to say hello.  Have had plenty to talk about just didn't have the time or energy or motivation to do so. 

Keegan had a CT Scan on Wednesday to check on his cancer, it looks fine there are some swollen lymp nodes in his gut but they are pretty sure those are normal due to my kids catching every freaking viral infection out there this winter. 

We got a lot of snow Thursday (We were supposed to get 17" but not sure how much we ended up getting I haven't dared poke my nose outside).  So anyway, needless to say Keegan's MIBG scan was canceled due to the weather.  I'm annoyed.  Yes, but only at the snow.  I hate it when his scans get thrown off.  Plus, I wanted to make sure those lymph nodes didn't "Glow" so now we have to wait another week or two to make sure.  It also means Keegan will have to miss another day of preschool so he can go down and get the isotope injection he has to have on a Wed. before he has the scan on a Friday. (They don't have preschool on Friday's so no missed school there thankfully).

He really loves preschool and it really upsets him to have to miss a day and  they've missed plenty already due to the tummy flu's going around.  Keegan and his siblings are doing so good in preschool and I'm just so proud of how well they are doing.  Keegan can now count to 13 and is trying so very hard to get all the way to 20! I love how hard he works at it! He can write K's and can say his name perfectly now (his WHOLE name which struggling with a speech delay this is a huge ordeal!) His favorite thing is anything math related.  He loves to line things up and count them and group them and organize things.  He loves simple graphing ideas and counting money (Atleast maybe ONE of my kids will be good at math, I never was!! My husband likes math though so maybe he gets that from his daddy!)

Marshall loves to show off his knowledge of colors and show everyone how well he can write M's and L's and H's he can almost do his whole name (he has the longest name of all my kids, by like one letter). 

Kams can write every letter in the alphabet and can say her alphabet knows all her colors and shapes and can count to 10 (she can go higher when no one is listening though!) and she can do several simple math concepts and can tell time (something we taught her to do and she's known how to do for quite some time).  She's doing very good in preschool and is quite the little helper.  Very proud of all 3 of them!

I wish I could say I was that proud of a certain family member.  We'll call them...Jane (code name).  Jane is burning every bridge with anyone in the family who has ever helped her, and it's not a good scene. I know my family has bent over backwards for Jane and helped her out a LOT knowing she couldn't have done half of the things she needed to do for Sally her child (also code name) without our help, and that of her mom Barb (code name).  Jane is very ungrateful.  Telling Barb she was only using her for a car and that she wished her daughter Sally had never been born.  How heart breaking is that?  Those are not words you say about your own CHILD!  Jane is more concerned about where the next penis will come from rather than how she will take care of Sally.  Barb and my husband and I are at a loss. Doing all we can to help, and having it shoved in our faces.  Jane took off to another state leaving behind all of Sally's things other than the few items jammed in a diaper bag.  Sally has a few medical conditions and is supposed to have surgery in Missouri in a couple of weeks, Jane has no way to get Sally back to Missouri for said operation.  It's not a life or death operation thankfully, but it is something that if not done will affect Sally a lot as she grows up.  Poor Sally also needs to see an eye doctor as we do not think her tear ducts are working properly.  Poor Sally has been ripped away from any form of "normal" she's ever known and is now around strangers (that have history of drug abuse, and other 'offender' things)  not a good situation.  Barb is doing all she can, but legally?  There is only so much she can do.  Talk about feeling helpless and banging your head on the wall.

I have always defended Jane and told people to lay off of her (my husband was the WORST about saying what he thought about Jane and turns out...yep...he was right the whole time).  I was TRYING to give her the benefit of a doubt, trying to encourage her tell her that YES you CAN do this, you can be a great Mommy, you have a great support system who loves you and Sally and wants to make sure you have all you need.  However, in the end...Jane hasn't been able to prove she CAN do it and just keeps going backwards.  We really worry about Sally she's at a dangerous age where crawling, pulling up on furniture, putting things in her mouth, chewing on things etc are happening all the time, and Jane doesn't keep a close eye on her.  I fear she will fall down stairs or choke on something due to no one watching her closely.  Atleaste when she was living with Barb, she was being watched closely and had a competent adult keeping a close eye on her.  Now?  It's a free for all.  Whoever wants to watch her, can.  Jane pawns Sally off on anyone around so she can either sleep, go out and smoke a cigarette every 10min (or less), and so she can talk on her cell phone ALL of the the time to about 10 different guys she has met online.  She's drug her daughter along to see some of these guys she's met online too.  NOT a safe situation for a baby who cannot even remotely defend itself!! I just really worry about Sally. 

Jane is causing so many issues for Barb, whose health isn't the greatest at the moment either so this stress is the last thing she needs.  My husband has had it with Jane and wants to just smack her silly (he never would but he'd like to).  Personally, I think she needs it.  BUT that's not how we handle things.  Jane pulled a stunt like this shortly after Sally was born and I WENT OFF on her.  I was pissed. 

This time?  I'm not wasting my breathe.  She doesn't care.  She's going to do what she wants to do and to hell with anyone else.  Jane is an ADULT (according to her...she's not acting like one). 

I've flat out witnessed Jane needing to be reminded to feed Sally, to change her, give her a bath, put her to bed etc.  Now that Sally is crawling she flat out refuses to hold her and just leaves her on the floor even when she's screaming her head off because she doesn't want Sally to get "attatched" to her.  Ummm HELLO! A baby is SUPPOSED to be attatched to you at this age!! THEY DEPEND ON YOU!!! They aren't all grown up just because they crawl.  You are supposed to protect your child and attend to their needs.  They NEED TO KNOW that you are there for them.  Otherwise you have a child that grows up with issues because no one was ever THERE for them.  And the only people who have ever actually BEEN there for her (myself and Barb) her mom has suddenly yanked her away from and she has know pattern or routine or security in her life.  Sally is very attatched to Barb as she has been the primary care giver (regardless of what Jane says) since Sally was born!

It's all a mess.

I just hug my babies tight and tell them I love them. My daughter has been asking about Sally wanting to know when she's going to come visit again.  My kids  got used to seeing little Sally and love her dearly.  Barb never came to visit without Sally, so now when Barb comes...the kids are confused wanting to know where Sally is.  Sally's playpen sits at our house...empty and unused.  I miss her.  I wish her mom would bring her "home".  Instead she's with people that are not so good, and that only want her and her mom for the government money they bring in.  They will use them for money and Jane is too blind to see it because those people are her "friends".  Those people aren't friends.  They only want something to do with her when they can "get something" from her.  Those people she ran off to, have never been there for her. Infact, she was homeless briefly before she found out she was pregnant with Sally because of those people.  Now she runs back up there to them? This time, with a baby?

Those people weren't there for the baby shower I threw for Jane, they weren't there when Jane had to have an emergency C Section due to preclampsia, those people weren't there for Sally's first Halloween, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, weren't there for her medical appointments, didn't show up when she was supposed to have her operation, have never been there.  They didn't spend their money to make sure Sally and Jane had everything they needed.  They didn't go to Barb's house and clean everything and organize everything before Sally and Jane came home from the hospital.  Those "people" have never been there they don't really care, at all. They just want that "free" money so they can do God only knows what with it.  I've already heard from some people that live in that area that I kind of know a little that Jane is not taking care of Sally, she sleeps all day and lets everyone else deal with her child.  Something I cannot stand. 

Moms, when your child wakes up early (I don't care if it is 4am or 8am) if YOUR CHILD wakes up  so do you.  Get UP with your child, do NOT let someone ELSE have to watch YOUR CHILD.  Get your ass up. I don't care if you have to work or not, just DO IT.  You made that child.  It's not someone else's job to wake up with your child and care for them while you sleep.  I am awake every morning from 5:30am-7am EVERY single day.  I wake up barely get a chance to pee, before I start making my kids breakfast, getting them dressed and ready for the day.  My kids don't "sleep in" they have always been early risers (they get that from their mom I was always the same way!) But no matter how bone tired I am I drag my ass out of bed and take care of my kids not leaving them for anyone else to care for, they are MY responsibility.  No one has ever had to tell me when it was time to give MY KIDS a bath or when it was time to FEED my child, or when it was time to change their diaper or dress them or whatever.  I just knew.  We had our own routine and schedule and I KNEW my child, I KNOW My children. 

Friends of ours that don't even really know Jane or Barb who have been here visiting when they were here have even made comments on the fact that Jane will just walk out the door and leave Sally without even letting anyone know she's stepping out the door, and suddenly we're all like...where did Jane  go? Out smoking and on her cell phone...again.  Go figure. 

Or Jane would hand Sally to MY friends (that Jane doesn't even know) and say "hold her I'm going out to smoke" and poof out the door she would go leaving my friend shocked. 

Jane gets mad when Barb takes care of her daughter all the time, but then gets MADDER when you DON'T take care of her daughter for her and she has to do it.  We've tried the whole "tough love" thing with Jane.  It made us feel bad (for Sally), but it had to be done (we THOUGHT it would help).  We all refused to do anything for her and were making her take care of Sally, but Barb said it wasn't working and Sally was just going without, and that is NOT acceptable so Barb stepped in to do what Jane wouldn't.  I've never wanted to bang my head on a brick wall so much in my life.  Talking to Jane is a waste of air.  A fern would listen better. 

I, personally, don't CARE what Jane does with HER life.  However, the fact that she is dragging sweet Sally down WITH HER is not something I can tolerate.  Sally doesn't deserve to pay for her moms poor choices.  I have a low opinion of anyone who puts men and penis before their children.  NEVER EVER choose a MAN over your CHILD!

Hopefully, Jane will pull her selfish head out of her ignorant ass and get her shit together, for Sally's sake, and soon! Meanwhile...Barb and I will do what we can from our end to continue to look out for Sally.  Someone needs to.  I'm biting my tongue a LOT (my husband...not so much.  Jane had the audacity to call the other day and unfortunatley my husband got to the phone first...and kind of tore into her).  Jane only called because she was concerned that Barb was spreading "bad rumors" about her.  HA! Trust me, the only thing being said about Jane...is the truth.  Truth hurts.  Besides, I can GARUNTEE she is saying MUCH worse things about Barb (that AREN'T true).  Because with Jane?  All of her "problems" are because of everyone else, she cannot/will not take responsibility for her own actions and choices, it's always everyone else.  So I can only imagine how she is playing the victim card.  Ugh. 

The only "VICTIM" is Sally. 

Stupid people.

ANYWAY....moving on.

No need to get my blood pressure high this early of a morning!!

The kids and I are just hanging out at the house the past couple of days due to the snow.  We have some friends and their 2 kids visiting us for awhile so my kids are having a blast playing with their friends.  I love seeing them all so happy as they run through the house playing together (Power Rangers their favorite thing to play).  Getting together a few fun craft ideas for us to do later today.

I'm thinking....snow flakes and melty snowmen in honor of the freaking foot of snow out there!

My dogs are not digging this snoooow thing.  Molly is a miss priss and hates the snow. She won't go out unless she has on her sweater and even then I have to make sure that their potty area is all shoveled or she will not go out the door.  Period.  Karmen atleast (who is part american husky) is a little bit more excited for the snow, but still the newness wears off quick and she wants back in.  Who can blame her?

Last weekend there was a little fun dog show at the Orscheln store here in our town, I took my gals to it just for fun.  They didn't win or anything but they had fun and they were pretty well  behaved (Karmen usually is anyway, Molly is usually my wild card and she actually did pretty good to)  They were dressed as "Cave women" or cave dogs?  Neanderdogs?  Saber dogs? Eh you get the idea.













After the dog show I took the girls to the dog park for some run time, they don't get to go there nearly enough and they LOVE to go.











Now, it's time to go play with some crazy kids! See what kind of crazy kooky messes we can make today in the kitchen.  Woo Hoo!

Mae