(From the TIME Magazine cover)
So I've made a few posts since my last one, but couldn't really "get in" to any of them. So I gave up on them. Abandoned them. They were boring, droll, blah blah blah. I just didn't "feel it". So I'm making another attempt at posting a new blog entry. We'll see if this one makes it to the finish!
First of all, Happy Mother's Day to all you AMAZING Moms out there, to all of you CRAZY Moms out there, to all of you NORMAL Moms out there, to all of you OUTRAGEOUS Moms out there. To all of you moms who walk your own path, do things your own way, to the ones who follow the masses, the ones who think they need to be labeled, and the rebel moms too. Guess what? You are ALL AMAZING! You are all doing something men cannot do. And that's BE A MOM! Men can't be a mom. They can try. But they can never REALLY fill our shoes, though some Dads are thrust into the position and many do a spectacular job and I respect those guys who are both Mommy and Daddy! (My Mother was both my Mother and Father when I was growing up and she did a great job).
I am sure everyone has seen that TIME Magazine cover of the Mom glaring defiantly into the lens of the camera as her son stands on a chair latched on to her breast.
I LOVE THAT PHOTO.
Tired of the crap it's gotten. Tired of the wrap "attatchment" parenting has gotten. Tired of the whole feeling you need to be labeled all the time. Cliques are stupid. And that's exactly all parenting has turned into. Knock. It. Off.
YOU ARE A MOM!!!! Do you REALLY need to judge others and compare yourselves to others? Do you REALLY need to be "labeled". Can't you just be simply....MOM.
The woman on the cover of the TIME Magazine is my hero. She KNEW what she was getting into. She knew what was going to happen and the backlash that would follow. Don't believe me? Look up an interview from her and you'll find out. Hard to miss it's everywhere.
YES the photo was chosen to cause a stir and make people go OH MY GOSH!! And it worked. People are talking. Big time.
Ewww it's sooo gross to breast feed. It's WRONG to nurse a child that long that's child abuse. You shouldn't have plastered all over a popular magazine, you ruined your child's life he is going to be teased now!
Boo hoo.
Get over it people.
It's done. The photo is on the magazine there is no taking it back. Ever.
I HIGHLY doubt her son is going to have a life time of agnoy over it.
ONLY in America would people throw such a tantrum over extended breast feeding.
Care to see where breast feeding and extended breasting measures up in other countries? Check out this link to the
UNICEF page.
What exactly IS "extended breastfeeding" Well check out this link over at
breastfeeding-mom.com
Want to know some INTERESTING Breast and Breast feeding factoids? Check out this link on
breastfeeding-mom (I really like this site! Very interesting!)
So if you've checked out the breast and breast feeding factoid link, all I have to say is....STOP being so scared of the boob! STOP thinking it's sexual. It's a BREAST. EVERYONE has seen one. Women dressed to go out partying show off way more boob than a breast feeding mom. I've said it once, and I've said it again. I still do NOT believe it is the idea of showing skin off that bothers people. I honest to gosh think that the issue is that a BABY is latched on to that breast. The breast has been SO over sexualized that now some people have an impossible task of moving BEYOND the bedroom. BEYOND oogling a woman's boobs. Breast feeding women aren't out to turn you on, they aren't trying to make a porno in the middle of wal mart while they grocery shop and their child is hungry. They just want to feed their child, get their shopping done, and go home.
No need to stare, and gawk or say a rude comment. The one being indecent is you. How about you cover your eyes and your mouth and walk away the next time you see a mom nursing? If she has to cover up and hide in the bathroom because you are afraid of her boobs and the fact her child dare put it's mouth on her breast in what you think is some kind of unholy perverse action....why don't you go to the bathroom and hide in a stall, or cover yourself with a blanket.
Breast feeding IS natural. It's been done for hundredes, thousands, millions(?) of years. So your attitude is the only thing that has changed over those years. Not the act of nursing. The idea of breasts have changed over the years, not the idea of nursing.
Is it wrong for an animal to nurse? Is it disgusting? No, people see that as "natural" and what "animals" do. Why just animals? Because they don't have thumbs and can't make a bottle? Because they are a "lower" life form it's ok for them to lactate and allow their young to suckle?
Women lactate for a reason after having children. Granted, some women do have trouble breast feeding, and I totally and completely understand that. Not every woman can produce milk, it unfortunately happens. Sometimes women do not feel comfortable doing so, and I understand that too. We tell women "BREAST FEED!! It's the BEST! DO IT DO IT!! If you don't you are an AWFUL AWFUL MOM!! You are going to have a fat dumb child if you don't use breast milk!"
Awful.
Thanks for the mom guilt.
Like moms need help with that? Please.
BUT should a mom CHOOSE to breast feed, she gets attacked with "don't do THIS don't do THAT" We want you to nurse, but we don't want to SEE you do it. We don't want to KNOW that you are doing it, because it isn't "right", people won't like it. What the heck? Mixed signals much? What is a new mom to do?
If you use formula you'll get stares from those that DO breast feed and some of those women may be very cruel.
If you choose to breast feed you'll get stares from those that don't breast feed. And some of those women can be very cruel.
In the end? Does it matter? You aren't going to make anyone happy. Ever. You can't be right all the time. Stop trying to make both sides happy.
I breast fed and I used formula.
I breast fed my daughter for a solid month but had to go back to work at 4 weeks after she was born, I didn't have enough pumped milk and she would cry while I was at work and I'd have to come home and get her and my husband take them back to work with me and nurse my daughter at work. This went on for almost a month. I couldn't take it anymore. I was at my breaking point. I had to give her formula when she was 2 months old. I didn't have a choice. It was either give her formula or her starve or me lose my job, which I couldn't afford to have happen! So while I was at work she got formula. Any other time she got breast milk straight from the tap, wherever we went. Grocery shopping, out to eat, at the park, talking a walk, at a parade, the movie theater....I nursed her. Proudly. I NEVER hid in the bathroom. But I also didn't whip my shirt off and run around half naked like people apparently think breast feeding moms do (Well, ok so I might have went shirtless at home a LOT....when we had no company but eh big
deal LOL).
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Would you be able to tell my daughter was nursing in this photo? She was.
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| OK so worst photo of me, ever. But I love it all the same. Nursing one of my twins after he was born. If you've never nursed twins, WOW you have no idea what it's like! LOL It can be challenging! But TOTALLY worth it! |
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My daughter nursed until she was 6 months old, and then she decided she was done. I tried and tried and tried to get he
r to continue nursing but my milk supply was ALL out of whack. I pumped and I pumped, I cried and I cried. I wasn't done nursing her. I wanted her to go until atleast a year. But she just wasn't getting what she wanted/needed from my breasts. So we had to go with formula.
My daughter isn't over weight, and she certainly isn't dumb. My daughter is 4 years old and showed me the other day that not only can she read some basic words, spell and write her name, know her colors and shapes and can count and do her ABC's (she sings them when she thinks no one is listening she is shy when she sings). BUT she can do simple addition AND subtraction, oh yes, yes she can! And she's been telling time since she was 2 even if it was very basic. She's one smart cookie. Did my super boob juice make her so smart? I don't know, I doubt it. I think she would have been smart like that anyway. Do I think formula will make her dumb? No.
I don't regret giving her formula, ever.
My sons nursed until they were about 3 or 4 months old. Keegan was in the hospital and it was so hard for him to nurse because of his enlarged liver due to his cancer. It physically hurt him to be held to nurse. Laying down being fed with a bottle was much more comfortable for him. Forget pumping while in the hospital. My son was sick, my nerves were shot, and the breast milk was NOT coming. I tried. I really really did, but for the life of me I couldn't pump hardly anything for my poor son. And Marshall who was nearly an hour away from me at this time, who I didn't get to see often, had to have something to feed him, had no choice but to put him on formula. Let child starve....or use formula. Hmmm pretty sure I chose the right decision there. I didn't exactly want my healthy infant hanging out in a HOSPITAL all day to nurse, when I was so stressed out that the poor boy wouldn't have gotten any milk to do anything much for him to begin with, plus he would have been sooooo fussy because Marshall feeds off my energy like a moth to a flame. If Mommy is stressed, Marshall is stressed, and I couldn't put him through that. So he stayed with a sitter till Keegan's last 2 treatments, then he and his sister came to stay with us at the Ronald McDonald House.
Again, I do not regret breast feeding or formula feeding my sons. If they had wanted to nurse until they were 2 or more, I would have been perfectly ok with that.
And my husband? He has FULLY supported breast feeding since the MOMENT I found out I was pregnant. No joke, after he found out I was pregnant with my daughter and he got done being all excited he actually asked me "Please tell me you plan on breast feeding her" I was shocked. I had no clue my husband had a clue about breast feeding! He did. And he FULLY supported it. He was AMAAAAZING both times I was nursing. Making sure I always had food and plenty to drink, making sure I was comfortable and that the kids were latched on, getting me anything I needed, helping me in public when I nursed if I needed the help. He even gave a few people an ear ful when we were out and about because someone made the dumb mistake of saying something crude while I was nursing my daughter. I was so proud of my husband. Thank you hubby for being so supportive of me breast feeding our children. When we had to make the switch to formula, he mourned it as much as I did. He knew how much it had meant to me, but we knew it was what needed to be done.
I do have to say though. I hate bottles. I hate hate hate making bottles, cleaning bottles, locating missing bottles, making sure my child didn't spit the bottle out, etc etc. Whoever says that formula feeding is the "easy" road needs their head examined. Oh my gosh. Formula feeding/bottle feeding whatever you want to call it, is a pain in the ass!
Getting up at 2, 4, 6am to stumble blindly through the house to make a bottle (and praying you don't grab the can of coffee as the can of formula, yep did that was actually putting a scoop of coffee IN the bottle when I caught the coffee smell and realized what I was doing) Not a good idea to make a bottle at 4am when you are half dead to the world. You also have to be quiet so as not to wake up the dog and make her bark, so as not to wake up your toddler daughter either because then you will be up FOREVER and EVER, and as not to disturb your husband because he has to go to work in a few hours. Oh yes. Bottle feeding is graaaaand.
Then scrubbing and scrubbing, boiling and boiling, drying the bottles, organizing the bottles, having a MILLION bottles and nipples (and trying every damn nipple in the WORLD to find the one your previously fed picky little breast feeding child LIKES and will actually USE on their bottle....aaaaaah!!!)
Again. I hate bottles.
I hated the smell of formula, the texture of it, scooping it into a bottle, (did you know if you spill a bit of formula on the counter at 4am and you do not realize and it gets a little wet you will wake up in the morning to find a swarm of ants all over it? Yah, neither did I. Apparently, ants like baby formula. ) That was fun to clean up at 6am when I was up for the day.
I hated going out somewhere and having to pack bottles of water, and scoops of formula (and scooping it into those handy dandy formula dividers). It was a pain in the butt to do all of that. Hated it. Took up way too much time.
Was soooo much easier to wake up at 2, 4, 6am and pop a boob into my babies mouths. So. Much. Easier. Yes the pumping was stressful and making sure there is formula stored up in the fridge. Yes, being engorged sucked, yes mastitis sucked, yes thrush sucked, yes leaking sucks (and can be embarassing, or funny depending on your sense of humor LOL). Your boobs can ache, your tired. Your child seems to LIVE on your boob, it's like you have a growth on your breast sometimes. But it's all worth it.
As much as I hated dealing with bottles and couldn't get rid of them fast enough and pray I NEVER have to deal with them again...I am GLAD I had the option to use formula. I am glad it was there. I'm glad I was able to give my children another option of food. Starving people in other countries don't have that option. I'm thankful I did.
I'm one who doesn't franky care HOW you choose to feed your child. If you want to pump the breast milk and give your child a bottle, great! I'm glad good for you, and best of luck. If you want to just nurse and give your child the breast only till they are 1-2-3- or 10 I don't care. If you want to use a bottle of formula to feed your child, please by all means do so! If you want to give your child some formula and some breast milk, GO AHEAD! I'm just happy ya'll are choosing to FEED your children. There are some mom's who by some twist of fate do NOT feel that feeding your child is important, and I'm not talking about those in poor countries who CANNOT feed their children, I'm talking about those who just do not WANT to feed their children. Where alcohol and drugs are more important to them or they have some other twisted thought. Or the parents who starve their babies and children because they fear their child will be or is getting FAT. Yes, some parents have starved their babies/children to death, in this very same country. But yet we want to argue whether breast is best of formula is best? Is that REALLY the issue?
I know the TIME Magazine article was about more than breast feeding and extended breast feeding. It was about "attatchment" parenting.
I'm so so sick of the labels we place on ourselves as parents. It drive me nuts. It really really does. Stop it.
I don't care if you are a silky mom, crunchy mom, scrunchy mom, attatchment mom, or whatever all else there is out there. Is it REALLY anyones business? I don't care if you circumcize or not, I don't care if you breast feed or not, I don't care if you baby wear or not. THAT is none of MY business. I don't care if you have IVF or natural pregnancies, I don't care if you have none, 1 or a million kids. Stop labeling yourselves, stop working yourselves up into a frenzy and all out mommy war to prove you are top dog of the mommy pack. Just shut up and raise your children the way that works for YOU and YOUR FAMILY. There is no ONE right way to raise a child, there is a MILLION ways to raise a child. In the end we all want pretty much the same thing. For our kids to be HAPPY, successful, intelligent, caring, and to be able to experience the joys of starting their own family if they choose to do so. We all want our children to SURVIVE and THRIVE. Isn't that the most important thing?
I breast fed (but also supplemented then completely switched to formula)
I used disposable diapers strictly with my daughter.
I used cloth diapers the most with my twins and often made my own baby wipes.
I often made my own baby foods both times.
I gave my sons fresh squeezed baby juice and not store bought, but my daughter got store bought juice.
I used a crib for my kids, but also let them co sleep with me whenever they wanted, BUT I did it SAFELY, I did my research to know how to keep them safe.
I vaccinated my daughter but only after grilling her pedi with a BAZILLION question and doing a ton of research. Keegan is STILL behind on his vaccines and I'm keeping his vaccines delayed, but Marshall is up to date. I am slowly introducing the last few shots to Keegan. His body has been through enough with his cancer I don't want to shock it any further.
I believe in both modern medicine and herbal medicine/home remedies.
I let all my kids potty train naked, and we did not use candy as a reward.
I believe in letting my kids play in the dirt and get good and DIRTY when they play, but I encourage good hygeine as well.
I never have sent my children to day care, ever. But my daughter is now going to an actual PRE school. And she loves it and my sons go in August. And I also do some minor home schooling stuff with them, and I love it but know I could NEVER fully homeschool them, none of us have the patience for that.
I adore parenting programs. Parents as Teachers, Baby Boost, Time for Tots, Parenting classes like Open Arms and what not. Love them.
I believe in researching and reading when you have a question or want more options. But not overwhelming yourself.
I had both of my sons circumcized, for reasons that are frankly none of YOUR concern. My sons penis isn't yours either.
I believe in God but do not go to Church ALL of the time.
I believe in doing volunteer work and being selfless.
My house isn't always spotless.
My kids aren't always spotless.
I do not believe in smoking, drinking or doing drugs but know people with kids who do one or more or all of those things, and they are still great parents.
I will admit I can be just as "judgy" as the next mom, and when I catch myself doing it kick myself and then try do say 10 positive things about that person and their parenting.
I hate judgy rude hateful moms who think they are better than everyone else and their ways is the only way and everyone else is stupid. The ones who have nothing kind, positive or constructive to say but just want to tear you down.
I have more education than several of my Mommy friends, but not as much as some. That doesn't make me think I am smarter or better than them. They are just as equally smart. I have graduated high school, and have only a couple classes needed to finish my AA Degree. Yep. I'm a slacker. Haven't even finished my basic college diploma. Do I worry? Not really. I'll get there. I love college and love learning.
So what "kind" of a Mom am I?
THIS kind. I'm ME. I'm Mae, I'm a MOMMY.
Don't call me crunchy or silky or scrunchy or whatever the hell else they have. I've dabbled here and there. Done this done that. Working mom, staying at home mom, blah blah blah. Been there done that. I just want to be ME.
I just want to raise kiddies. This will mean doing things different from someone else. This will mean making someone else mad over how I choose to parent.
Are we seriously that desperate as Mom's? Have we really and TRULY lost ourselves so much in the quest to be a good Mommy that we need to plaster other labels all over ourselves to make ourselves feel bette about our choices and mistakes when it comes to parenting. And yes, yes you've made mistakes as a parent, you're a liar if you say you haven't. You've messed up. Maybe no one was watching but you HAVE screwed up. You've had a melt down and yelled at your child at some point, you've probably swatted your child even though you swear you NEVER would, you've probably popped your kids paci into their mouth without rinsing it off first. You've done SOMETHING that is "contrary" to what you do or say you do. You can't live in your perfect little bubble all the time. We are human. We make mistakes.
You can be the perfect parent, and chances are your child(ren) will still blame you or hate you for something in their life. Your kid will at some point not agree with something you did, do, say or said.
I've spent 4 and a half years being judged, and harassed and put down, attacked, whatever else you can think of by other Mom's who thought they knew it all. By people who thought they were the almighty GODS of parenting. They attacked my friends, my family, you name it. I used to fight it, I used to ignore it, to no avail. They kept coming.
People like that are ALWAYS going to be coming at you. Always. You cannot possibly make everyone happy. Ever.
OK so now I can step down OFF of my soap box. Sorry for being so riled up. That whole TIME Magazine thing just really got under my skin. Really got me to thinking. Reading some of those comments, and the Mommy Wars that insued. It disgusts me. As Moms we should all be UNITED be fighting on the same side. Sometimes you moms are SOOO passionate about your "choices" that you go PSYCHOTIC and you scare people away from your cause. Is anyone really going to listen to another mom who is cursing and yelling and screaming and calling othe mom's stupid and uneducated because she isn't doing it THEIR way the "right" way. That isn't going to make ANYONE want to try that or take advice from you. There is a way to share your knowledge and passion for something without being snarky, hateful, or like a freaking piranha mom. Don't be that. Don't be that swarm of mom's who attacks the hapless victim.
Heaven help new moms. Seriously ladies. If you are a new mom, you better HIDE for the first 3 years of your child's LIFE or until you have 1 or 2 more, because those piranha moms will EAT YOU ALIVE like the helpless little bait fish you are. It isn't pretty.
It's no wonder mom's learn to swim in packs early on. Good grief. It isn't safe out in these Mommy water alone! Grab friendly fin and hang on or you will get netted and gutted by a "I know better than you" piranha mom.
OK I'm done. I promise. Promise promise. I need to be done anyway LOL I need to head to bed so the kids and I can celebrate Mother's Day at Church tomorrow. Then come home and have a BBQ with some family friends. And so I can bake our mother's day cake.
OH and incase I forgot to say it. Happy Mother's Day to EVERY single Mother out there.
Mae
