Raising Twin Sons

I knew that being a Mom would come with it's challenges.  I knew it wouldn't be easy! However, I wasn't expecting I'd have twin sons.  That threw a whole new scenario into my life.  From the moment I knew I was pregnant my sons have been trying to one up each other, or take each other out.  We literally have ultra sound clips of my sons fist fighting in the womb.  Sad, but true. 

It wasn't any better once they were born.  Still both equally viscious towards each other (and some how I was always the one who ended up getting injured when they were fighting!! Probably because I was the one always trying to pull them apart so they wouldn't hurt EACH OTHER!!) 

I've had bloody noses, black eyes, busted lips, bumps and bruises more times than I can count because they've kicked, head butted, pinched, or bitten me because they were aiming for each other and I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

I always joked that I needed 'Mommy Protection Division' to come save me! Mommy abuse ya know.  They never seemed to worried about injuring mommy in the cross fire of trying to get to each other. I was always floored at the amount of fighting my boys did!

What happened to that "twin" connection they are supposed to share?  I mean granted my son aren't identical twins (though people try to argue with me on that, thanks people because obviously you grew them in your stomach, saw the ultra sounds, talked to the doctors, and had the boys cut out of you, and raised them for the past nearly 6 years) 

I swear, my sons do NOT have that "twin connection" at all.  Nadda.  NOTHING. 

They kind of live by that "I'm not my brothers keeper" attitude, which is so not cool with me. 

However, when it comes to their 'baby brother' and his cancer stuff, my daughter and Son Circus #1 and HIGHLY protective and supportive of Son Circus #2.  They love that boy and are so proud of him for kicking cancers butt as a baby!  Above they are pictured at a Relay for Life event a couple of years ago and they are giving their brother giant hugs. Here my twin sons and my daughter melt my heart!

They get along off and on so that's nice, but it just seems like they try to kill each other and argue over EVERYTHING way more than they get along.  I honestly don't know if that's just a normal "kid thing" or if my twins are faulty.  Did I get a bad 'batch'.  (I kid I kid, ok? I got a great batch of kiddos) 

Most days really aren't bad, they are truly wonderful kids and I really enjoy being their mom.  I love watching them grow and seeing all of the hilarious things they come up with.  Like for instance, Circus Son #1 came up to me the other day and showed me that he was wearing a transformers costume under his clothes and that made him a 'robot boy' and that I had a robot son, and that he was off to do robot things.  I asked him if he had a volume knob and as I figured....he said no. 

They say so many hilarious things throughout the day that I can't keep track.  They love watching a huge variety of TV shows, and they love playing Kinect games, and riding bikes, skate boarding, exploring nature, playing soccer, playing catch, building with their bazillions of Lego's, playing with their sister with her doll house, coloring, doing a craft project, helping me bake, and pretending to be super heroes or pirates.  They also really enjoy learning.  They love their little educational children's encyclopedia's that they have and they go through them often. They are also looking forward to joining Boy Scouts soon too!

Then there are just some days...days like TODAY where all they have done is fight fight fight and completely ignore everything the adults do to get their attention (time outs, extra chores, scrubbing a chair or the floor, being grounded, etc).  It's like it completely flies over their head and they don't even hear us.  They are too caught up in the moment of trying to murderize each other.  I'm just like SERIOUSLY!!! STOP!! They don't stop, until one or the other is crying *sigh*  We can split them up and separate them as many times as we like and THINK that we have them behaving again and then suddenly WHAMO out of no where one of them clocks the other one.  It's so frustrating. 

Today was that kind of day.

The whole time my daughter and I were working on straightening up the living room today, the boys were fighting in the arm chair.  They refused to assist with any of the daily chores.  I  had to stop what I was doing every 2min because of their fighting so I wasn't getting much accomplished.  Finally I gave up on stopping them and I just worked on helping my daughter who was working hard (don't be fooled, girls are just as difficult as boys just a whole new set of difficulties!)  For once though, she was in a cooperative mood so we were working together smoothly.  Too bad her little brothers didn't get that memo. 

So in the middle of one of their scuffles I snapped just a few photos.  Now I am NOT in the habit of photographing my children when they are upset or fighting.  So please don't take it the wrong way like I was being some awful mom just letting her kids fight or whatever, because that's NOT the case.  I had been doing my darndest all day to keep them from fighting over everything and it was an unsuccessful mess (and like I said they are generally well behaved kiddos, but they are five, and they are boys, and they are siblings, and well...sometimes...scuffles happen no matter how much we try to avoid them).  Scuffles are still not acceptable though. 

Come on moms.  You know what I'm talking about.  You've all had days like this, right? 

Aaaand the fight starts.  Over what?  I'm still not 100% sure.  One minute they are next to each other watching a cartoon and ignoring the fact I had just asked them to do a chore...and the next....I get this picture. Son Circus #1 is in the chair and Son Circus #2 is standing.  It is always unclear on just WHO exactly starts what.  You may THINK it's one child in particular (like you'd think it was Circus Son #2 here, but they both claim it was NOT him that started it). 

So we will just jump on each other and yell at each other, because hey...apparently that works, right?  *sigh*

Oh a foot to the face ought to do the trick....

Well now they've done it.  One is crying, and one is worried (worried he'll get in trouble or worried because he actually succeeded in hurting his brother??? You decide, perhaps a little bit of both?)  Don't worry Circus Son #2 wasn't actually injured, more along the lines of made he hadn't gained control over the chair, which is apparently what they both wanted. THAT particular chair.  (Never mind there is another chair AND a couch to sit on....everyone always wants that ONE ugly, itchy, chair that I can't wait to get rid of). 

And now both are pouting because they both just got reprimanded for the MILLIONTH time that day for fighting.  Reminded they had chores to do, and they could now each go scrub a kitchen chair until it was all shiny because I shouldn't HAVE to tell them a million times to NOT fight. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They were both back to their normal goofy little selves a few minutes after this.  Once again getting along and playing with their race car tracks and Lego's.  Until the next scuffle an hour (probably, most likely less time than that) later.  I've started telling them if it's not bleeding....they are fine.  (They don't get THAT mean to each other to where they hurt each other too awfully bad thank goodness!)  With their arguments they take place in like literally less than a minute.  That's all the time this scuffle took, was roughly a minute, then they were done. (the below photos are not from yesterday, but from last year, note the long hair they were sporting back then, just wanted to share some pics of my cute boys ;)  Getting along...)

We've told them, explained to them, made an example, of how to use your WORDS to solve problems.  Apparently, that just takes too much effort.  *sigh* 

 

Everyone keeps telling me "Oh don't worry it's SOOO normal they will be the BEST of friends when they grow up!" 

Ok well, you know what?  I want them to be FRIENDS NOW!! I want them to get along NOW too darn it! How hard is that?

I love these two feisty, fiery little boys oh so very much and I'm glad they have each other (and their big sister) to grow up with.  I had to wait ten and a half YEARS before I got a little sister, and by that time I didn't really want to "play" anymore by the time she was actually old enough TO play.  Instead I was more of like a glorified built in babysitter.  Not so fun.  (I absolutely adore my 'baby' sister who will be having a birthday in May, she's also getting ready to have her second child soon and I am just so gosh darn happy and excited for her!!) 

 

When my Mother remarried when I was like fourteen I inherited a stepsister, that was just two years younger than I was.  I only saw her maybe once a week, and sadly we didn't have too much in common and we weren't as close to each other as we probably could have been, but things were not super easy in that situation. To be fair, I was far from an easy teenager to get along with (erm, that may be a LITTLE still true now...when I don't want to be somewhere or do something I make sure it's well known...and it's not always nice).  Not one of my better qualities I guess? My stepsister and I still aren't as close as we could be. 

So watching my sons play soccer on the same team this spring should be rather interesting.  Their first practice is tomorrow, and their first game is Saturday.  So far...one son says he is ONLY going to pass the ball to his brother.  The other son?  Says he'll pass the ball to everyone BUT his brother.  Come'on guys?  REALLY?  It's SOCCER!?

 

Not everything is a competition. 

 

(Ok so it's a sport, so it is a competition, BUT they are on the SAME DING DANG TEAM!) 

 

I have a feeling I'm going to need a lot of meditation (and perhaps some medication, haha) to get through soccer this spring!

 

Soccer hasn't even started yet and I'm already like "OMG! This freaking crap is costing me an arm and a leg!!"  Why you ask?  Because this MORON of a mom didn't stop to think that shin guards would be MANDATORY for soccer.  What the heck was I thinking?  Where was my brain?  (Buried in fog that it can't seem to get out of because I have a million different things going on at any given time).  So I happened to find out that shin guards and a water bottle were mandatory (we have water bottles all over the place so wasn't worried about that one), but the shin guards...uuuuugh!! That was a FREAKING NIGHT MARE!!! I was almost in tears.  However, that mess is sorted out and we're good to go. 

I still question on whether or not it's a good idea to put my kids in any kind of extra curricular activity.  Not because of my kids, but for my own sanity. 

 

Maybe I should make them sit at home bored all the time doing nothing.  Nope.  Wait...that would make me lose my sanity too because I know full well my sons can't do "NOTHING".  They have to pick, poke, kick, shove, yell, tease and torment each other to pass any 'spare' time they might have.  I would still lose my sanity and probably a heck of a lot quicker than I would if they were doing an extra curricular activity. 

By the way.  Their constant desire to annihilate each other is the number one reason my children will most likely never be in any kind of marital arts.  (Though I fully feel my sons would be AMAZING at martial arts, I just feel it would turn into a very very bad thing at home!) 

What's that quote?  Something about the nights are short, the days are long, but soon our children will be gone? Something like that?  It is quite true.  It seems like the nights fly by so fast and we hardly get any sleep before we have to be up and at'em again, but the days CAN seem to drag on forever (though wow lemme tell ya, the past almost 8 years with my daughter has seemed to FLY BY as well as with my sons!!  But some days......the day seems to take FOREVER).  However, I know my babies will be grown and on their own soon, and that's such a scary thought!! Part of me wants to keep them small and young forever, keep them sweet and innocent and protect them from the world and all of the evils that are out there and not see them hurting (other than when they are obviously hurting each other...but that's besides the point).  I mean hurting from the woes of the world. 

I know I can't keep them kids forever, they will grow, and they will grow so very quickly and I'm already seeing that right now.  I can't believe my daughter will be eight in September and she made sure to remind me that this means she will be ten two years after that and she will be "a grown up" (haha, not quite little lady!) 

It hurts so much that they grow so fast, yet at the same time it's so exciting and amazing to see them grow! To see them go from that little fuzzy ultra sound picture on the screen that you first see, and they are the size of a jelly bean, and then suddenly....they are in your arms, and you are rocking them and praying the time never ends.  Then suddenly they are sitting up, crawling, walking, talking, eating solids, playing with toys, singing, dancing, riding a bike, going to preschool, going to KINDERGARTEN, and starting all kinds of fun activities and just changing before your eyes.  Suddenly...you don't see that little tiny chubby baby face anymore.  It's gone.  Now you have a little BOY (or girl) standing in front of you.  Messed up hair, smudgy face with dots of freckles, sparkling excited eyes, skinned knees and tooth less grins.  Talking on and on and on about their newest adventures and their best friends, their favorite TV shows, what they want to be when they grow up...and it hits you.  Your like...wow.  They aren't a baby anymore. 

Then the tears hit you. 

Some days are rough because your kids fight non stop.  Other days are tough because you realize your kids are growing up so quickly and there is not a thing you can do about it but hang on and go along for the ride. 

Then I realized that my twin sons are my "babies" my last kids.  I don't have 'one more' to hang on to for just a little bit longer.  My 'baby' is only two minutes younger than his 'big' brother!

How fair is that? 

Come on! Two boys the same age.  Growing rapidly before my eyes.  Slow down boys, just slow down.  Perhaps, stop the fighting a little bit too.  If you are going to grow so quickly perhaps you could stop the fighting so I'm at least sane enough to appreciate the fact that you're growing up and that maybe some day the bickering back and forth will be over. 



Though, when they all grow up and leave home...I have a feeling I will greatly miss their bickering and crazy antics.  I don't think I will do well with that whole empty nest syndrome or whatever.  I'm going to need to adopt a LOT of dogs and cats....(nope, nope not happening!) 








So here's to all of the twinnies out theres! Try to get along.  Don't drive your parents too crazy, and for the love of PETE please do NOT throw a fit when your parents are trying to holler at you and they call you your twins name.  CHILL THE FLIP OUT! They are not doing it because they don't know which TWIN you are they are doing it because they have PARENT brain and they have to randomly go through every freaking persons name in the HOUSE before they get the CORRECT name for the kid they are getting on to and by that point the parents just yell "DOG GONE IT YOU KNOW WHO I'M TALKING TO KNOCK IT OFF!" 

We know who you are.  We know.  We're watching, so knock it off and just listen to your parents, and cut them a LITTLE slack, please? Boys.  Why they gotta be so difficult!

Mom Circus

Education...Through the Stomach?

So I don't know about you all but I have children who do NOT like to do their home work at all.  Especially my seven and a half year old daughter, who is in first grade and who greatly struggles right now in the areas of reading.  I honestly don't think she struggles nearly as much as SHE THINKS she's struggling, she just has low confidence about her reading and spazzes herself out about it and just gives up the second ONE WORD is "too hard" for her.  It can be exasperating, for both of us. My sons aren't QUITE as bad. 

Lately two out of three have been dragging their pencils about writing their sight words.  Those two particular children HATE doing their sight words. 

So I did some thinking "out of the 'box' [lunch box]" 

I can't take credit for the original idea, as I saw it posted on Facebook some where or Pinterest I'm sure.    So as amazing as the idea is...it's not mine originally, and even then the person who posted it...they probably weren't the first ones to 'come up' with the idea either.  It's simple, and genius.  Why I didn't do it sooner...I have no idea.

Do your children love snack crackers?  Mine do.  They currently love Cheeze Its (ack!) not my favorite snack food, especially for kids.  However they do love the crackers and it's better than giving them cookies after school (also there is a super yummy recipe for home made cheese crackers too, you can find it on Pinterest too, I've made it once, and it was awesome just haven't had time to make it again). 

Anyway. Moving on.

I bought some decorating markers in the cake area at the store, they are for writing on cakes, cookies, bread...whatever.  I originally bought them so I could draw on some of their stuff in their lunch boxes for fun.  (they love that too by the way). 

So today I sat down and took the "Cheeze Its" and used them as tiles, and wrote on each tile, one letter...and spelled out their sight words using the crackers.  Brilliant, no?

If I can't get them to do their sight words in the conventional method...I'll go through their stomachs darn it! We can call it 'ingesting knowledge' right?  Right. 



Well fast forward a few hours and the kids came home from school and had an awesome fun time partaking in their edible sight word tiles.  Well, two out of three appreciated the time I spent on this.  One son was not so impressed, but he did eventually spell out his sight words just so he could finally eat the crackers.  I guess you can't please everyone!

Sometimes it's hard as a parent to find ways to keep home work fun and exciting.  To keep them wanting to learn, especially if you have children that struggle in different areas.  I think tomorrow we're going to try MATH on the Cheeze it crackers! I'll make up a bunch of numbers and addition and subtraction signs and let the kids go to town figuring out math problems, that one to me sounds like a whole lot of fun!

Maybe I would have been better at math if I could have devoured my math problems after I figured them out, ha! I'll try that next time I have to do algebra *shudder* I still have night mares about algebra (ok not really, but I really hate algebra and probably could have used some counseling after I was done with it....) 

Kind of glad I got off of work early today so I could come home and work on this little project for the kids.  We'll see what I get done tomorrow when I work until 3 (just an hour before my kids get home!) 

Being a parent is exhausting work.  I've been both a stay at home mom and a working mom, heck I've even worked at home before.  It's all hard.  It all has it's struggles and it's pluses, no matter which route you choose. 

Today I got home from work an hour earlier than usual (which doesn't happen often, but I was happy I was able to come home early).  I did a few chores, relaxed for a few short minutes, took care of my furry pack of animals (currently I have four dogs, one is a foster dog, and I have two cats).  Don't ask how many furry dust bunnies we have running around here thanks to all the animals *sigh*, if you don't like animals, or dog hair...don't come to my house is all I'm saying. 

Anyway, I worked up this sight word idea, and I started on supper (made some yummy home made cheesy, tuna noodle casserole), so yummy.  My daughter had a Girl Scout meeting tonight so we went to that at five.  While we were gone my husband fed the boys and did their home work with them.  When my daughter and I got home we ate supper and I helped her with the rest of her home work.  Then it was the bed time routine, and I did her nails to match my own.  She loves having her nails done and we decided we wanted matching nails.  Nothing fancy, but we love them! I snuggled with my sons and read books with them too and then everyone went off to bed.  Now my house has been quiet for a couple of hours (even the dogs are asleep).  I'm getting ready to head to bed myself. 

Got a text message tonight from my daughters soccer coach letting me know she was the coach, and when the first day of soccer practice is.  We shall see how this goes! Still waiting to hear from my boys' coach. I'm kinda excited and nervous about this whole soccer thing.  I know NOTHING about soccer.  T Ball I could manage last year, I've played soft ball before (not that I was that GOOD at it, but I did play...a little).  I'm not exactly 'sports inclined', but I sure give it my all! My husband on the other hand is the friggin' sports "expert".  He was a state champ wrestler in high school, foot ball player, cross country track, swim team, basketball, he played a LITTLE baseball but he found it wasn't his favorite sport, he played soccer a couple times when he was a lot younger but again found it wasn't his sport.  So he stuck with the other sports I mentioned.  So when it comes to sports....I tend to hand the reigns over to him, but I am still involved. 



It's been a busy week so far.  My sons had their first school concert on Monday.  They did a really great job! They were so gosh darn adorable it wasn't even funny.  I just wish we would have gotten there early enough to get good seats for Circus Son #1's performance.  We were both in a bad location so sadly I didn't get too many good photos of him, and a video was OUT of the question as parents were walking in front of me REALLY bad, and they were talking like crazy (how rude!) However, it's our own fault for running late because the kids were all like "Ahhh we're not going to cooperate! You want us to hurry, we'll go even SLOWER than usual!"  Thanks kids. 

My boys Son Circus 2 in green and 1 in orange.  Ready to leave the house for their FIRST school concert.  Woo hoo!

 

My boys Son Circus 2 in green and Son Circus 1 in orange, posing for a photo after they were both done performing at their first school concerts.  They did so well, I am really proud of them.

Son Circus #2, I was able to get a front row seat and got pretty good decent pics of him, and a few short video's of his performance (which is adorable because his brother was sitting next to me REperforming everything and you can hear him on the video, so it's super cute, ha!) 

I am really proud of how well my boys did on stage.  (They did not perform at the same time, because there are five Kindergarten classes and they split them up, and there were two performances.  I actually liked that they weren't on stage at the same time.  That meant each of my sons got our individual attention during each of their performances and they knew that when THEY were on the stage our eyes were ONLY on them not trying to shift between two different kids.  Sometimes, it's rough having twins! However, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

Mom Circus

People I'm Missing

Today while snapping a few photos of my children out in the woods near our home, I was hit with a sense of sadness.  I realized, I'm missing so many people in my life.  People that I can never get back, and will never get to spend time with again, here on this earth. 

First and foremost, I miss my Grandmother.  She was an amazing and strong woman.  I learned so much from her.  She taught me to sew, crochet, how to draw, how to garden, how to cook, she taught me how to play and be marvelous at Chinese checkers.  She taught me how to build things, she helped bring out my love of animals and my love of nature.  She showed me that you can be a strong independent woman and get things done on your own.  To not be afraid to do things on my own.  My Grandmother and my Mother were very strong presences in my life. 

Right before my Grandmother passed away we were not always seeing eye to eye.  She had moved in with my Mother, stepfather, and little sister and I.  I did a lot of the care taking for my Grandmother, and I was a snobby little teenager at times and I often got on my Grandmothers nerves...and vice versa.  I still adored her deeply and admired her, but she was getting older and was in pain and was just cranky and tired.  She wasn't an easy person to get along with towards the end. My love for her though was always there, she was my Grandmother.  She helped raise me.  She taught me so much and was a huge huge part of my childhood memories. 

She took me to the carnivals and fairs, we went to the circus, we went to caves to explore, on nature hikes, to zoos, and so many other amazing places.  We had camping trips, and fishing trips, road trips, and just so much fun together. 

My Grandmother loved to sew, and she would create beautiful out fits for me mostly by hand.  They were beautiful dresses, shirts, skirts, and other out fits.  I loved everything she made me! I felt so special that my Grandma would make such beautiful things for me.  In the photo below I am wearing a dress that she created for me too.

On my 18th birthday my Grandma passed away.  I remember the day.  I was a Senior in high school and my Grandma had just been transferred from one hospital to another, and my Mother had come to pick me up from school so we could go see her.  Unfortunately...just before my Mother had left to come pick me up from school, she had received the call that her mom had passed away. 

It was the worst birthday of my life. 

So many things left unsaid.  I had just moved out of my home a couple of months before my Grandmother passed away.  Things at home were really stressful and I was fighting a LOT with my own mother, and I just couldn't handle things, and I was quite frankly on the verge of a nervous break down.  So I left.  It was the only thing that made sense.  However, one night I received a panicked call from my Mother that my Grandmother had fallen and she needed me right away.  I rushed to my Mother and Grandmother to help however I could.  My boyfriend (who is now my husband), ran out to the high way to wave down the ambulance when it showed up. The ambulance came and took my Grandmother away. 

I don't remember anything from that night when they took her to the hospital. 

The next day I remember the family gathered at the hospital (my aunts, uncles, cousins, my mother my sister...)  I was numb.  I was in shock.  Not my Grandma.  Not the strongest woman I knew.  She wasn't THAT sick.  She'd be ok.  She had to be.  She was my rock.  I needed her.  It had to be all my fault, I moved out...and she had needed me.  I left her.  I wasn't there to take care of her. 

I cried so hard when it was my turn to talk to her.  I held her hand, and I cried.  I told her I loved her, and I wanted her to come home.  It killed me to leave her, it hurt so bad when I had to go home.

I went to school.  I was supposed to see my Grandma again. 

I never saw her again.  I was never able to give her ONE MORE HUG, ONE MORE I LOVE YOU, one more thank you for everything you did for me.  To tell her how much she meant to me and how amazing I thought she was. 

Her funeral, was simple and short, the way she had wanted it.  One of my cousins, who has always been like a sister to me, we stood together and held each other through the funeral.  Neither one of us could believe she was gone.  That was our Grandma. 

My Grandma didn't get to see me graduate.  She didn't get to see me go off to college.  She didn't get to see me get married (even though she never liked my boyfriend/husband to begin with), she never got to see my daughter.  She would have loved my daughter, they would have gotten along really well. 

A few months ago when I was digging through some boxes that were in my daughters closet I came across a jumper dress that my Grandma had lovingly made for me when I was the same age that my daughter is now.  It's the only dress I have left that my Grandma made for me.  I've been hanging on to it for YEARS.  Waiting, for the time when one of my children (I hoped I'd have a daughter at some point!)  who could wear the dress like I had.  I almost waited too long to dig it out of the closet!

It fits my daughter perfectly. 

Today I took her out and took photos of her wearing that dress.  The photos are taken with my Grandma's memory in mind.  The love that she put in to all of the amazing dresses she made me.  Her love of nature that her and I always shared.  As I took my daughters photos today I told her stories about her Great Grandmother.  My daughter told me "Mom, I'm a lot like her aren't I?  I like to paint, I love animals, I love to be outside, and I love to plant things".  I told her that yes, those were all things that my Grandma had loved to do. 















Whenever I do a sewing project, garden, bake (especially home made noodles that she taught me how to make PERFECTLY, or apple 'critters', or home made donuts or home made cinnamon rolls), or crochet, or teach my kids how to play Chinese checkers, or build something...I think of my Grandma. 

She's not the only person I miss though. 

I also miss my Father.  He passed away when I was 17 months old.  He committed suicide.  March marks the anniversary of my father's death. 

I have absolutely NO memories of my father.  My memories start a few months after he died (He died in March and my earliest memories start about a year later).  So I have nothing to remember him by other than a few photos of the two of us together. 









It was hard growing up without a father.  All of the other kids had fathers, and as we got older a few of the kids parents got divorced, but their dads were still around, they weren't dead.  I was just the kid who had a dead dad.  It hurt.  As we got older other kids found out why I didn't have a dad, and well, kids can be cruel and they would make hurtful comments. 

When I was about 4-8 years old, I had a REALLY rough time.  I cried a lot.  I wouldn't sleep at night because I was freaking out that my Mother was going to die and leave me alone too.  I had horrible horrible night mares. 

It really sucked every year when Father's Day rolled round and all of the commercials came on TV.  I didn't have a dad.  I had no one to give a card to. No one in my life at all that felt like a 'father figure'.  I just had my Mother who did her best to play both roles (and a wonderful Grandmother who was always there too).  Growing up, it was always hard to see my cousins with their fathers and their 'perfect' families.  I always felt kind of like the black sheep.  Like I wasn't quite accepted because of who my dad was and what he had done.  I tried to not let it bother me, but it did quite often hurt. 

My Father missed me learning how to ride my bike.  The neighbor kids taught me how to ride my bike.  He wasn't there to teach me how to swim.  He didn't take me camping.  My Father wasn't there to help me learn how to play sports (I so badly wanted to play sports when I was in school, but I was no good at them at all no matter how hard I tried!), My father wasn't there to protect me from heart ache, or to see me win any of the awards I won in school, to see me go to Jr. High (dear gosh Jr. High school really REALLY sucked for me by the way.  Seriously my WORST two years of school ever).  I'd love to be able to block those two years from my memory! Rough years.  Teased horribly, and just it was a sucky two years. 

My father wasn't there when I started high school, he wasn't there to help me learn how to drive, or grill my first boyfriend with a million questions, or see me off to my first prom, or my second prom, or to see me graduate.  He didn't see me move off on my own and go to college.  My father wasn't there to walk me down the aisle.  THAT ONE hurt so much.  All I wanted was my dad to walk me down the aisle. 

He also never got to hold his first grand child, or his second and third grand children (one of which has his middle name).  He missed it all.  The worst part is...he chose to remove himself from my life.  I don't know why, but it was the decision he made. 

Although my real father has not been a part of my life since I was 17 months old, I still miss the fact he wasn't there. It doesn't erase the fact that I spent so much of my life wondering what my life would have been like HAD he been in my life.  My father suffered from alcoholism, and there was a lot of drama between he and my Mother.  I was so young, I don't know what all went on, I just have stories from my Mother, and from my dads side of the family.  I'll never know my dads actual side of things.  It just...is the way it is.  Nothing can undo it. 

I am thankful though for my stepfather who came into my life when I was 14.  He has been a wonderful father (even though I made it clear right away I didn't WANT a new father), but in the end I am glad he was there.  He saw me graduate, he saw me off to my two proms, he was there when I won an award and he cared when I was upset. He came to my wedding, and honestly...8 years later I wish I would have let him walk me down the aisle, but my heart was hurting, and I just couldn't do it.   He didn't have to care about me at all, but he did.  He is a wonderful grandfather to my three children, and I am forever thankful for that.  My daughter is such a Papa's girl it's not even funny.  That's HER Papa. 

It hurts to miss people.  However, that hurt you feel won't bring them back.  At least with my Grandmother I have all of the memories and things she taught me.  I have a painting hanging up in my bedroom that she painted.  I have a few trinkets and treasures that belonged to her. 

I have a few photos of trinkets that were my Father's, and that's all I have.  I wish I had memories of him, but I do not.  Though, sometimes I think maybe perhaps that's for the best. 

So tonight I am just thinking about a few people that I'm missing.  There are, of course, more than just my Grandmother and my Father that I miss, but these are just two people I'm thinking about.

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A Walk In The Woods

Today has been such a gorgeous day! The weather has been perfect and we've definitely taken advantage of that and have had a fantastic time outside at the park, and exploring the woods behind our home. 

My kids are quite the little explorers and we love to go on hikes and check out the woods.  This time of year is a super nice time to go.  The leaves are just barely starting to bud, the thorn bushes aren't all big and over grown yet, there are no ticks out yet, and the streams aren't over flowing or completely dried up. There is just the right amount of water trickling through. 

My kiddos exploring the wooded area behind our house and the little stream that runs through.  Yes, that would be my daughter wearing a dress, and hiking through the woods.  To be fair, I was getting some pics of her wearing a dress that my Grandma made for me when I was a little girl.  It's the only dress I have left that my Grandma made for me and I've been saving it for years to get a pic of my daughter wearing it. So since the weather was so nice today, that's exactly what we did. 

Also there aren't too many animals awake and out and about yet.  Even the snakes are still mostly asleep, which is a good thing! Also the poison ivy hasn't grown up yet either so that's a relief. 

The kids had a great time walking through the streams, trying to climb some trees, turning over old logs, and walking out on tree roots that were growing over the streams.  The mud was a little squishy, but it wasn't too bad.  No one got stuck in the mud at least. 












They were kind of sad when it was time to come home.  They really enjoyed hearing the birds chirp, and wondering what animal might be sleeping in a few of the dens we found (but stayed far enough back from that we didn't wake up anything and upset it by poking around it's hole). 

We saw a few water bugs skating around on the water and the kids were fascinated by that. They wanted to bring them home with them, I had to tell them that nature stays in the nature, not in my house.  I was kind of disappointed we didn't find any garden snakes though, but glad we didn't find any other kind of snake either, ha!
I've always felt like it was a good thing for kids to be able to explore the woods and nature and find out about the world around them.  This spring and summer we're looking forward to checking out some other state parks in our area for some hiking, there are many great state parks in our area and we are excited to check them out! (Photos from over the summer at another local lake in our area, and  a lake in Iowa).











Checking out state parks is always something that I did with my Mother and Grandmother when I was a child and it's something I really enjoyed and am so happy I can do with my own children. 

Sometimes it's just good to get muddy, and sweaty out in nature! (Photos are of my kids from about 2 or three years ago out exploring a lake in our area).





Now if only my husband felt so kindly towards hikes and nature, it isn't always the easiest to get him out and in nature.  He doesn't like the bugs, or the fact he gets too hot and sweaty and a little cranky when he has to hike and climb.  He's missing out on a great way to spend time with his family (though we DO usually get him talked into joining us).  I'm not sure how he survived doing cross country running when he was in high school, or how he survived the Boy Scouts, but apparently he did, ha!  It's so much fun to see the children's faces light up when they discover something interesting to them.  Right now they are really in to finding bugs! I'd rather encourage their curiosity than to make them afraid of everything around them.  Bugs and mud aren't icky and gross. 
We're looking forward to camping this summer, so we'll see how that goes!

We are just having so much fun enjoying this weather, though we know that the rain will be starting up soon.  There's always about a month of nothing but RAIN that puts a HUGE damper on our exploring.  We then usually have to wait another month for it to dry out enough to go do anything, and by then the sticker bushes are growing, and so is the poison ivy, and the ticks are starting to come out in the millions.  I don't particularly enjoy the thought of mosquitos and ticks feasting on my children. If we could do nature without the mosquitos and ticks, it would be fantastic.  Those are the two critters I seriously cannot stand. 

Aww yay for spring! Now get out there and enjoy it!

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Hard Work and Practice Pays Off

So usually when a mom (and dad) are going into the IEP meeting it CAN sometimes feel like you need to dawn your armor and go in full force and fight your way through.  Thankfully, my husband and I (and our kids), have an amazing support system at their school.  I do not feel like I have to battle AGAINST our team.  We're all on the same page.  We all communicate together and listen. 

I am so thankful for that. 

I mean, after all, we're all supposed to be on the same side here to begin with.  The child's side.  We should all want what is best for the child so they can learn to the best of their ability, that's what every teacher, principal, IEP Support team, and parent should want. 

Now we suspect that my daughter has some Sensory Processing Disorder issues (SPD), this has never been officially diagnosed, but that is something we're working on.  We've always known there was SOMETHING we just didn't know what.  We never thought she was autistic, but there was just something that wasn't quite normal, but it was uniquely her.  It never slowed her down any that's for sure, so we never worried about it as much.  Her speech is what took the biggest hit from not getting the help she needed right away (which TRUST ME when I say I was doing everything I could to get her the help she needed with her speech).  I was just generally told "Oh it's because the twins were just born"  or "It's because you are going through so much with your sons cancer".  Always excuses.  I hated it.  I lived with my daughter, I was around her every day, I KNEW it was more than just "a little" regression because of her brothers being born or because of her little brothers cancer.  Too bad no one listened until after she turned three.  She missed out on a big chunk of speech assistance she would have qualified for.  So she's had to play big time catch up. 

She's in first grade now and today was a REALLY awesome special day for her. 

She received a mathematician award during the first grade pride assembly! Unfortunately I had to miss the assembly due to work but my husband was able to be there.  She was BEAMING ear to ear.  She has been after the math and reading awards since the moment she started kindergarten last year.  Unfortunately, those awards were always just out of reach, but she always got every single other award they had to give.  She was happy for those awards, but they weren't the ones she wanted the most. 

So today when they called her name for the math award...her day was completely made.  It made all of the tears and crying and melt downs and anxiety attacks over the course of the past two years all worth while.  All the practicing, all the frustration, all the whining...she realized it had made a difference.  That her teacher and her math helpers and her mom, were all just trying to help her reach the goals that she wanted to meet oh so badly. 

I couldn't be happier for my daughter.  I'm so happy to know that she is working so hard and seeing the benefits of her hard work.  Even if she had not gotten an award I would still be proud because after speaking with her teacher during the parent/teacher conferences I know how hard she has been working and how far she has come on her math. I only ask my kids to do their very best in school, and to always try, and not to give up.

Now, if we could get that math excitement to trickle on over to her READING.  That's the next goal.  Get that reading level UP UP UP.  She is not so excited to do that one.  But I KNOW we'll get there.  Neither one of us give up. 

My sons also had very good parent teacher conferences, as well as their IEP meetings. My daughter's meeting for her IEP is in the fall, and the boys have theirs in the spring (because of when their birthday's fall).  So yesterday my husband and I headed out to the school the second I got off of work to discuss the boys' IEP. 

Since they are going into first grade next year they had to be re tested on some things.  One of the things they did was an IQ test on the boys.  I'm not particularly fond of IQ tests on children, especially not one this young, but I understand why they had to do the testing so I didn't say anything.  Turns out, the testing went really really well for my sons.  They both scored well over the average, and they both received HIGH Average scores.  The Principal, and teachers, and the rest of the IEP support team all were very impressed with how well the boys had done.  The Principal assured me that my sons are very brought and are very capable of learning and succeeding in school, especially since we all work together with their IEP's to help them succeed and meet their goals. 

I've always known my kids were smart.  However, sometimes when you are dealing with the things they DO struggle with day in and day out, and how much they fight you on the things they NEED to do in order to get better...it can get disheartening.  It's easy to feel bogged down and depressed and like you are doing everything wrong and your child is never going to get it.  Then you feel guilty for feeling that way and doubting your child. 

Some days, you as the parent just can't seem to win when it comes to your emotional turmoil. 

So I am relieved to see that the IEP are helping my kids.  I love seeing them succeed and do better.  Every goal they meet just makes them more excited to move on to the next one.  Some days I feel like I'm not doing enough with them. Some days I'm just too exhausted to do the extra work I try to do with them, so we don't do it.  Instead we snuggle or watch a movie and eat pop corn together, have tickle fights, play Barbie's or Lego's, or color, or just be a family together.  That stuff is important too.  It can't just be all about the 'learn learn learn' they need down town and fun time, FAMILY time.  So while I might feel guilty for not doing that school stuff, I also know what we are doing is just as important.  Their teachers all assured me that they can tell they are being worked with and encouraged at home, which is always nice to hear!!

I never want to be that parent who doesn't care.  The parent who doesn't work with the kids at all, the one who takes ZERO interest in what they do at school.  I don't want to be that type of parent.  I care very much about their schooling and how they are doing and what they are doing.  I am   so very thankful to have such an amazing support team working with my children, and with my husband and I.  They give us tools and strategies to use at home with the kids, and that is so much help!

We just keep plugging along.  Sometimes it might not seem like they are making any progress at all and that I'm failing as a parent, then all of a sudden the pieces CLICK and it's like WOW, they were paying attention this whole time.  Then we start working and plugging right along again, and once again it will look like nothing is sinking in, and then we just wait for it to suddenly click. 

Kids learn, they learn left and right.  It isn't a  race to see who can learn it the fastest, because not everyone learns the same way.  The most important part should be that we're taking the time to make sure each child is learning the way THEY need to.  We can't just use one method and one method only and expect every child to get it that one way. 

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