Since the latest school shooting this week my head has been spinning. Actually, no I take the back. It all started way back when I was a small child in 1995, I was 10. I was 10 years old when the Oklahoma City bombing occurred. My mother had been admitted into a hospital for a few weeks as she was having complications with the pregnancy with my baby sister, she was close to three hours away from home and my Grandmother was caring for me during this time.
I remember seeing the news about all of those people being killed by a bomb in the back of a yellow truck. To this day....I still get nervous when I see a yellow truck that resembles a moving truck. I didn't live in Oklahoma, I live in Missouri and have been here my whole life, but seeing those images on the television and watching the news...it stuck with me. It scared me. I didn't know if someone would do that to the very popular hospital my Mother was at and it scared me.
I remember the image of a fire fighter carrying a little girl from all of the rubble. That image was a powerful one. The lives that were lost in that stupid senseless bombing.
In 1999 I was in Jr. High or just barely into high school. I remember the Columbine shootings. That completely shocked me. I had been clueless about school attacks up until that point. The most traumatic thing I had heard of was the OKC bombing and of course natural disasters that had occurred from hurricanes and earth quakes.
The thought that a student, someone I knew and saw every day and had probably known my entire life and had likely played with on the playground could some day decide to bring a gun to school and just shoot us like we were nothing....it broke my heart and scared me so much.
I grew up in a very small town, the town I LIVED in had maybe 100 people in it. The town I went to high school in had around 1300 people in it. My graduating class had probably 54 kids in it. We were farmers, and hog and chicken processing plant workers, we worked at nursing homes, gas stations, grocery stores, and were secretaries, a few doctors and lawyers and insurance people, and some teachers in our community. There were truck drivers and bus drivers, and Day care workers, and city workers, police officers and fire fighters too. A small cozy community for the most part. We all grew up together. Our grandparents had gone to school together our parents had gone to school together, our families had WORKED together and it felt like everyone was related to everyone in some way or another. So the idea that one of your classmates could (easily) access a gun and bring it to school and kill everyone was both an absurd and horrifying idea.
I remember in elementary our bus would pull up into the parking lot for us kids to unload at the school and you would see the high school students with their pick ups parked in the parking lot in the student area, and dang near every truck had a gun rack in the back with a rifle sitting there because they had just gone deer hunting that morning. This was back in the early to mid 90's (maybe even the late 90's). These same students most likely had simple pocket knives in their pockets because, hello farmers kids. These kids hunted, fished, worked around the farm and a tool like a pocket knife wasn't uncommon. You would see kids that had chain saws in the back of their pick ups because they had been out cutting fire wood over the weekend. It wasn't a big deal. IF one of these kids got into a scuffle at school, they threw a few punches and by then a teacher or principal had intervened. Parents were called, and not once did anyone go storming out to their pick up to grab their gun, or reach into their pocket for their knife. Never.
During my Junior year in high school 9/11 happened. Another life altering moment that occurred. Another time where I watched (via TV) as hundreds of people DIED before my eyes. Over something I didn't really truly understand at the time. WHY did this happen?? WHY hadn't someone done something to stop it? Where were the adults that were responsible for protecting people?
A month later our school had it's FIRST EVER bomb threat. It was Halloween. I nearly pissed my pants. I was horrified. I remember we had to evacuate the school get on buses and we went to our designated "safe" place. I remember as a checked in with my teacher before I bolted to locate my baby sister and my little cousins that went to that school, as well as the other young kids that road my school bus to make sure everyone was ok and to calm them and keep them from all being so scared. My first thought was to protect and comfort those younger, smaller and more defenseless than myself. My mother had been out of town when the bomb threat happened so my sister and I were among the last two students picked up from the designated safe place, so we watched as our friends were picked up taken home by their parents. Happy to see them safe with their families, but nervous as we were left behind to wait even longer. I honestly never really heard the truth about what actually happened with that whole event or who was actually responsible. I heard lots of rumors, but honestly never heard the actual truth. I just remember feeling nervous and cautions when we returned back to school in November.
I went on to college and I think there was MAYBE one incident that happened while I was in college that made me nervous to go to class, but I couldn't pin point what it was now. (honestly college is kind of a blur because I was working 1-2 jobs at the time as well as being a full time college student, and at the same time planning my wedding, and my last semester of college I was pregnant with my daughter and it was a ROUGH semester as I was SUPER sick while pregnant with my daughter so paying attention to the news really wasn't high on my radar, just surviving college, a wedding, work and a pregnancy was all I could manage to do). So I am sure a LOT of news worthy stuff happened between 2003 and 2007, I just don't remember it because I was preoccupied with surviving myself.
Now It is 2018 and I have a daughter in 4th grade and two sons in 3rd grade. Every single day when they get on the bus or when I drop them off at school I pray that they are safe. I pray that they not only get a good education but that no monster comes in and shoots them while they are innocently and defenselessly LEARNING. I know that the danger increases the older they get.
When Sandy Hook happened my kids were in that same age bracket. I completely lost my shit. I cried so hard, I didn't just cry I SOBBED. I screamed WHY at my TV and I just cried and cried and cried like I had never cried before in my life. I was and am, so ANGRY about it. I prayed and prayed for those children because I was so helpless and useless in the situation. I was no where near the state it happened in, but it felt like it had happened in my own town. It felt like it was my own children. Because I realized that this is the stuff of night mares.
As a parent, your goal from the second you find out you are pregnant is to keep that child A LIVE. We want our children to LIVE, to grow, to learn. We know it's not going to be easy and yet we plunge into it anyway. Fiercely protecting our children yet gently shoving them into the world to watch them grow. We with both happiness and sadness watch our children grow up before our very eyes and leave us, to start their own families and repeat the process. Love, protect, teach, protect some more, give them courage, and tons of room to make safe mistakes with love and patience and guidance and learning life lessons in a safe place before they enter the big big world. Always loving and protecting helping them stay alive until adult hood and as my Mother always tells me, it doesn't stop there. You never stop worrying just because they reach adult hood. You always worry. When your children have children your worries increase in a whole new way.
I refuse to accept that school shooting or any mass killing should be a "norm" in our world. People dying in mass shootings or mass bombings or mass deaths of any kind is not acceptable. They work hard to create better warning systems to predict and warn of natural disasters that save many lives every year. They can detect earth quakes and warn of tsunami's and closely monitor storm systems to get warnings out for tornadoes and hurricanes and give you warnings a day or two or more in advance (and then you are responsible for how seriously you take that warning for a hurricane, or flood, or tornadic activity).
Yet, when someone calls in a tip to the FBI about a potential shooting, someone that they fear is going to kill helpless children while they are at school (where they are not allowed to have any weapon to protect themselves so they are sitting ducks, and I am not trying to say that more weapons is the answer I'm just saying places like a school is such an innocent defenseless place to be because you are LEARNING you would never expect to be murdered while learning). When a tip s placed to the FBI nothing happens. NO ONE checks it out. Then the shooting happens and children die.
I do not hate guns. I am cautious with guns, for good reason, but I do not hate them. A gun sitting there on a table untouched is not a danger to me or you. Just as a car just sitting unattended is not a danger. The human element once added to either a car or a gun makes it dangerous. Humans are capable of great GOOD, and they are also capable of great EVIL. Shooting up a classroom full of children is a great evil. Shooting up an arena of concert goers, is great evil. Blowing up a building with a bomb is a great evil, flying a plane into a building and killing thousands is a great EVIL. Shooting up a place of worship is a great EVIL. The one thing that all of those evils have in common??? A human element. Humans. They were all present. A human was behind the gun, or the bomb, or the plane. The HUMAN made the tactical decision to carry out the deaths of other humans. The items used had they been left untouched by humans would likely not have been a danger at all to the humans. Sure, the gun did what guns do, they shoot bullets. A human aimed the gun at other humans and pulled the trigger. There was a CONCIOUS DECSION MADE BY A HUMAN BRAIN AT THE OTHER END OF THAT GUN TO PULL THAT TRIGGER AND GO THROUGH WITH THIS PLAN OF MURDER AND EVIL.
However. With that being said. I still do not hate guns. Guns have aided our police officers in apprehending criminals, it has aided our military in helping our country stay free, guns have aided families during break ins or robberies on the streets or from being raped or murdered by someone else. GUNS CAN BE USED FOR GOOD.
The brain behind the gun behind any tool or other weapon or device can be an act of good or bad.
I however, do not feel like labeling everything mental illness helps either. It gives people that struggle with mental illness every single day a bad name, and these people are also battling internal battles every day with themselves. Struggles we may not know.
When I was a toddler my own father committed suicide. I have spoken about that from time to time, and actually next month marks the 32 year anniversary of his death. My mother did not like guns after that and didn't want them around. I was aware as I grew up how my father had died. I was sad, but ultimately blamed him for his own decision making. He made that decision to end his life. He pulled that trigger. It was devastating and really affected so many lives, but at the time...he wasn't thinking ahead about the future, he was thinking about the now and how he felt and probably how better off he THOUGHT everyone would be. He struggled with some mental demons that won in the end, and it's tragically sad for my entire family.
So I already had a very basic awareness of how dangerous guns were and that they could kill and take people away and were to be approached with caution. However, I also grew up in a hunting community so it wasn't uncommon to see hunting guns everywhere. People hunted for meat. They would stock their freezer with deer meat, turkey, squirrel, whatever they could shoot (legally...lol most of the time). To get through winter to go with their beef, and pork that was in the freezer already.
So I also knew guns were a tool for survival. I never saw or heard of anyone pulling a gun on each other in my community (if it did happen, I was never aware of it because there were some things my Mother DID try to keep me from knowing but in a small town...you would have heard SOMEONE talk about it).
In high school one year I took a hunters safety course through our Missouri Conservation department. I took the course with my best friend who actively went hunting with her dad and brother. I was not much of a hunter, but I was always up for learning safety and taking courses to further educate me on things. I learned gun safety in this class which is good because no one else in my family ever sat me down to ACTIVELY teach me anything about guns.
Years later, my husband inherited an antique 22 rifle from his grandfather, it had been hand built by one of his grandfathers down the line and he had found himself the recipient of this family heirloom. My husband felt very honored to receive this gun and have a little bit of family history in his hands. He took loving care to have the gun restored so it could be properly used again. We spent many a weekend at a local out door shooting range just shooting the gun. During our time there we met many other gun enthusiasts that had guns of all sizes and shapes and varieties. I had never seen so many guns! I was always so excited when they offered to let me shoot their guns and I took the opportunity to learn how to properly shoot these guns. HOWEVER they also stressed SAFETY IS ALWAYS FIRST. Stay safe when shooting. They were cautious and safe gun owners. They taught my husband and I a lot about gun safety and about different guns. Several years have passed since we have last gone target shooting (probably like 10 years since we have gone actually!!) Once we had children we stopped going out to the shooting range because well, kids are kind of a full time job and require all your attention!
My husband keeps his .22 well taken care of and I actually think he took it a year or so ago to a friends out in the country and shot it but it has been locked in it's case ever since. Locked up so the kids cannot get in it. In fact, we don't even have any ammo for it. We keep it hidden away because it is a family heirloom that our oldest son will inherit some day as my husband did. Our youngest son will inherit an antique pocket knife and an antique pocket watch, and my daughter will inherit some jewelry. Nothing fancy or really worth anything, but it has sentimental value and has been passed down through the family.
For Christmas about three years ago the kids got their first bebe gun. We have stressed safety with that bebe gun. I know kids their age that go hunting with their fathers and grandfathers and are handling real hunting rifles. While my kids are still just handling a bebe gun. I do not feel my kids are ready to hold a real gun (and I am talking a hunting rifle, nothing fancy) They just aren't ready. We continue to discuss safety. This summer I will be checking to see about hunter safety classes through our local conservation department for my children to take.
I don't have a problem with people having carrying licenses and carrying guns in holsters on their person. Where I work we have several people that come in wearing those and I don't even bat an eye lash. Sometimes if they have a cool holster I will comment on it and we will have a brief discussion about the type of gun they have holstered in it.
The problem I have is the EASE in which someone can purchase a gun. I unfortunately am sighting Wikepedia on this because every other link I found was just discussing laws they are wanting to pass or do not want passed regarding guns. I just wanted an over view of our current gun laws in the state in which I live (Missouri) so please click the link and take a quick look at the gun laws for my state.
GUN LAWS IN THE STATE OF MISSOURI If I find a better link that's NOT Wikipedia I will try to share it later. If you have any good suggestions please let me know because I am genuinely interested.
Permit to purchase for hand guns or rifles, nope.
Fire arm registration, nope.
Owner license required? Nope.
Carry Permit required? Nope. (permit less carry took affect in 2017)
Open carry permitted, yep.
State preemption of local restrictions, yep.
Assault weapon law, nope.
Magazine capacity restriction law, nope.
NFA Weapons restrictions, nope.
Peaceable Journey Law, yes.
Background checks for private sales, nope. (Though it doesn't go into details about other types of sales?? I have talked to some friends who have purchased guns at gun stores and they have done a quick background check at that store where it only took a few minutes of wait time to run a background check to see if they had any thing on their background check).
The above items were from the summary table listed on Wikipedia (again not the link for information I necessarily wanted).
Some things that I personally would like to see changed.
I do not want to see any more guns sold on swap shops, or craigs list or to a random whoever. I think all gun sales should have to go through a gun SHOP. A shop that can do actual back ground checks, and I think a 14 day wait period is appropriate. I think there SHOULD be a limit on the amount of ammo you can purchase in a month (or a year maybe??) There should be SOME kind of limit. Guns should be licensed and registered (that way if stolen property they would be easier to find the owner's of and returned). Gun owners should have to take safety classes, and should be required to have safety locks/cabinets for their guns. I think their should be an AGE LIMIT on purchasing a gun. Why does a 17 or 18 year old need to purchase an AR-15? I highly doubt it's to hunt down Bambi or protect themselves from a burglar. When my husband was 17 and 18 he was purchasing paint ball guns and air soft guns, not rifles. You should have to show an ID to purchase bullets, and I do not think stores like WAL MART should sell guns or bullets.
If you have to be 16 to drive a car and be TESTED on how well you can DRIVE IT in order to get a license allowing you to drive a car then the same should be done for a gun.
If you have to be 18 to be cigarettes (which are addictive and very harmful to the fool who smokes them and not so great for the people stuck around your second hand smoke...). You also have to be 18 to play the lottery, which isn't dangerous to anyone, it's gambling (well I guess it could be dangerous if you gamble too much and then owe the wrong people money, and then I guess you might consider a gun for protection for your poor choices??)
You have to be 21 to purchase alcohol and drink it legally. (I am 33 and still get carded for the occasional bottle of wine). That's fine with me! Keep on doing your job and NOT selling alcohol to minors. Make it as difficult as you can for minors to get ahold of alcohol because we all know teenagers and young adults are NOT known for their clear thinking even when sober so lets NOT add alcohol to the mix too. So why do we allow them to buy guns?? Makes total sense.
If you have a history of mental illness or domestic abuse, or violence then no I don't think you need a gun. We should make it as difficult as we can for potentially dangerous people to access guns as we can. I'm not saying it will be full proof but it's better than doing nothing.
Why can't we agree that children are dying and this is WRONG. That something needs to be done. Instead all I see is people fighting on Facebook. NO ACTION. Just fighting. I am ONE FREAKING PERSON. Alone, I can't do anything. I am absolutely POWERLESS as just ONE FREAKING PERSON to keep my children safe and that scares the ever loving shit out of me.
Those are MY BABIES the three beautiful children that grew in my womb that I birthed from my own body, children that my husband and I created together. Children that we have cried over, prayed over, protected, taught and do our best every single damn day to raise them to be GOOD HUMANS. Humans that do GOOD THINGS for this world, not evil things. I know that I am ultimately not responsible for the decisions that they make. Rest assured if I ever feel like my child(ren) is becoming a danger to anyone I will turn their little butts in, in a heart beat to protect the lives of YOUR children, as well as my own. I don't want to see my child shot by a police officer because my kid decided to make a horrible decision of bringing a gun to school. I do not want to see my child hurt another child. I do not want to see one of my children be SHOT because of ANOTHER child's actions either. I want MY children, I want YOUR children to be SAFE. SAFE to learn in their schools. Safe to go to a concert. Safe to go to church, safe to fly a plane or go to a museum or festival, or just SAFE to be in this world.
WHAT will it take to make our BABIES safe?? Does it mean we arm the teachers? The poor teachers who already do not get paid enough, the teachers who already have to spend a lot of their own meager income to provide for their class rooms?? Does it mean we ask them to put aside whatever morals or beliefs they have about weapons to carry a weapon into a classroom to protect the children? Is that what it takes? I don't know. I don't know if that's what it will take.
Will it take banning guns? Keeping rapid firing guns that kill many in a short time out of the publics reach for good. Telling citizens they cannot have guns? I don't know. I don't KNOW if that's what it will take to keep our children safe.
Do we need to tighten every gun law in this country? Do we need to put armed guards at our schools so our kids feel like they are in prison as they learn about our country and it's history and our constitution? I DON'T KNOW!
Are people with mental illness to blame? Are bullies to blame? Is the internet to blame, are video games and glorifying death and guns and violence the problem? Should we ban rap music, and video games, and whatever the hell else people feel is the problem? I DON'T KNOW!
I don't know what it will actually take to keep our children safe. I just know I WANT OUR CHILDREN TO BE SAFE. I felt safe when I was in school. My Mother felt safe when she was in school, my Grandmother felt safe when she was in school. Don't our CHILDREN deserve to feel safe in school?
I have read so many stories of children ten, eight, six years old who have practiced active shooter drills at school and so many of these children are READY to make a decision to STEP IN FRONT OF A CLASS MATE TO TAKE A BULLET FOR THEM.
Oh my God guys. These are OUR BABIES. HOW on earth can you hear that and not have your heart shattered. When our BABIES are ready to die for their classmates because a monster is at their school trying to murder them, and ONE teacher is trying to protect 20 some odd children....what does that tell you?? When our children are ready to die for their classmates, but our GOVERNMENT and even our own neighbors and communities are still too busy arguing over what's to blame, there is a PROBLEM.
These children are speaking up. These children are being as LOUD AS THEY CAN, they are SCREAMING FOR US ADULTS TO LISTEN AND TAKE ACTION. Where are we? What are we doing to protect them, it's OUR RESPONSIBILITY to protect these children.
As a parent it is YOUR job to be in your child's business. Know who your kids are friends with. KNOW what your kids are doing online. Do not worry about "infringing" on their privacy. If YOU are paying the bills and your child is living in YOUR house for free, guess what mom and dad, YOU MAKE THE RULES. YOU have the right to go into their bedroom ANY FREAKING TIME YOU WANT. Be nosey. Ask questions. make it a point to know who their friends are. Demand that they call you at certain times when they are out. BE THE DAMN PARENT AMERICA!!!
I honest to GOD think that the BIGGEST issue in this damn country is parents. They are too worried about hurting their children's feelings or making them feel bad or making them angry. Too worried about pussy footing around every problem. Too worried about embarrassing their kids. Too concerned with being their children's "best friend".
Well guess what. I do not want to be my children's best friend. I want to be THEIR MOM. I love my kids with all my heart and if that means I have to make tough decisions as their PARENT that piss them off then I will do it, just like my Mother did for me, and thank goodness she did!! I am glad she showed an interest in who my friends were, where I was, grounded me, SPANKED ME, told me NO, didn't coddle me, she embarrassed me in front of people when I acted a fool, She was my MOTHER. My Mother raised me BY HERSELF from the time I was a toddler until I was 14 years old and she married my stepdad. I got the piss knocked out of me numerous times. Thank goodness, because I learned not to be a freaking smart ass to adults. When an adult talks, you keep your mouth shut and you listen. I learned you work HARD and you do your best and quit being a whiney brat (ok so I am still whiney but while I'm whiney I do whatever it is I am not wanting to do and I do my best at it, haha) I was not coddled. I was told the truth, the world wasn't hidden from me. Now my Mother did explain things in simple terms when I was very young and didn't always give me great detail but she was honest. She told me what I could understand.
I ground my kids and yep, they have been spanked. Spanking is NOT my go to punishment, but if the need arises they know what spanking is. My kids say please and thank you, hold doors open for people, let others go first, and they know ACCOUNTABILITY. If YOU screw up you take responsibility for what YOU did and do not pass the buck on to someone else. Lessons they have learned as CHILDREN. Lessons they will likely continue to learn.
I know this is a long post, but damn it, I am angry. I am tired of CHILDREN DYING. Every day I see children dying from cancer. That's bad enough. That's a DISEASE killing children every single day. Now we have children being murdered in their SCHOOLS because of an idiot with a gun?
Growing up I knew PLENTY of kids with messed up lives. Man, there were some kids that I felt REALLY bad for when I was in school because I KNEW they had bad lives. They came from rough places. Whether they had some kind of special need that wasn't really understood or met in our community, or they were beyond poor, or they had abusive parents, or they had alcoholic parents. Whatever the case was, I knew some kids who STRUGGLED. So many got bullied, and bullied pretty badly. In our small community, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have been difficult for them to have gotten their hands on a gun. Thank GOD none of those kids hurt themselves, or anyone else.
Life is hard, and we can't protect our kids from that. It is something they need to learn. Life isn't fair. We don't all live the same life. And contrary to what preschool teaches our children, not everyone is your FRIEND. Just because someone isn't your FRIEND doesn't mean you have the right to be mean to them and torment them and belittle them and drive them nuts with your bully behavior. Also, just because you are bullied doesn't give you the right to grab a gun and KILL people.
You won't always be in high school. Eventually, you will be out on your own. If you choose not to be around those you didn't like in high school, that's your choice. You can move away from them, do whatever. You don't need to kill yourself, or them. VIOLENCE is NOT the answer.
Every single day I pray my children will be ok when they go to school. I hope their school bus makes it to school safely, I hope they are safe in school, I hope they are safe in their playground. The moment we walk in our front door I breathe a little easier. Knowing my babies are home, safe and sound with their mom and their dad who love them. Sending my children to school shouldn't cause me anxiety.
I feel like I live in a fairly safe community. Granted, we have had our share of issues. Heart breaking tragedies in our community involving teenagers. However, safety is just an illusion. At any moments time that illusion can vanish and you see how truly vulnerable you are. NEVER be complacent in your safety. Never get so comfortable in your world that you think nothing bad could happen, or that nothing bad can touch you or your family, because it can, in an instant.
Now days, as a parent, it is so stressful. I am sure my mother had a huge amount of stresses when I was growing up too, but I think most of her stress was LITERALLY brought on by my desire to do dare devil tricks and antics from the time I was a toddler. I didn't use a car seat as a child we didn't have to, half the time I refused to buckle up at all as a small kid. I road a bike with no helmet, I drank from a well and a water hose, I climbed trees, and scaled buildings and swung from rafters in our barn. I ran through fields and woods, played in creeks....all kinds of seemingly dangerous activities, that at the time just seemed like normal stuff and it was normal back then. I ran around my entire small town with out an adult hovering over me, but you better believe if I DID get into trouble my mother knew about it before I walked in the door and there was a switch waiting for me with my name all over it (or a wooden spoon..and it wasn't for tasting that nights supper!!) The power of a village raising a child. Neighbors watching out for neighbors keeping an eye on the children. If you messed up or got hurt a neighbor would either give you a band aid or send your ass home where they had already been on the phone talking to your mom and mom knew what you did before you got in the door.
You have parents working their asses off to keep a roof over their families heads. Some homes have ONE working parent, others have two, some have no working parent because the parent is ill or struggling with some illness whether a physical one or a mental illness. Absent parents who do not want to be a part of their kids lives, or who aren't allowed to be a part of their kids lives. Children growing up watching their parents be addicted to drugs (pills, meth etc) it's horrible. Children are witnessing HORRIBLE things at such young tender ages. Witnessing violence in the home, drug addiction, broken marriages, broken lives, and then we act surprised when a kid is all messed up. The days where parents can be PARENTS seems to be over. Where parents could afford to keep their kids in activities to help keep the kid busy and out of trouble, to give the child something to feel PROUD of. I am a FIRM believe in extracurricular activities. I'm not talking about cramming your kids life so full of extra stuff they hyperventilate and can't breathe from the pressure, but I'm talking about put your dang kid in soccer, or baseball, or soccer. Introduce them to a hobby. Check out scouts. If you are a family struggling financially your child likely has state insurance, guess what...call that number on that card and they will help pay for your child to be in scouts or 4H. Why?? To give your child a PURPOSE something to empower them, something to be PROUD OF. Show your children you are proud of them, BE THERE for them. Allow them to have bad days, and remind them that YOU are human too and that YOU mess up too. It's ok to let your kids know that they are right about something and you are wrong. Show them how to work hard, even if it is just working around the house. Show them you LOVE them. Go on a walk with them, throw a football or something with them. READ with them. HUG YOUR KIDS. They are NEVER too old for a hug. Tell them NO. Set RULES, enforce them. It's not too late. If you think your kid needs counseling, get them in counseling and do not second guess it. Do not feel guilty. Do what you think your child NEEDS. You don't have to tell anyone else. If you see your child struggling acknowledge it, do not let it fester.
Times are not simple anymore. Technology is everywhere now. I don't feel all technology is bad, but I think their needs to be ground rules, made early.
When my kids were toddlers it was starting to become common practice to hand your kids a cell phone or tablet, or put them in front of a lap top or TV. I refused. My children do not have a TV in their bedrooms. We do not have cable. We have ONE desk top computer that sits at a desk in the dining room and I am the one who generally uses it, and even then it doesn't get used often. My husband and I have cell phones, our children do not. Now when our daughter starts Jr. High in a couple of years she will have to walk to school and she will get a phone (simple simple simple phone) to carry with her in case something happens. Right now, she has a tablet, as do her brothers. However, home work is to be done first (ok I slack at that one once in awhile, not even gonna lie). However, we control what our kids down load, they only have children's You Tube, and they can only use their tablets in the living room.
Just tonight I realized my son had made a friend on some game (Roblox type game I think??) and he had been typing with this person. I axed that game IMMEDIATELY. My almost nine year old child does not need to be messaging ANYONE while playing a game. He did not understand the danger he COULD be in. He said "He is a kid like me" How do you know he is a kid like you? "He told me so" The naivety these children have, they literally do not know the dangers of the world and the sickos that are out there. So how do you explain that without completely ruining their innocent thought process. You explain some people aren't safe, and some times unsafe people are met online. It's not safe for children to be talking to people online. Especially when Mommy and Daddy do not know about it and we do not know the person. It's ok to talk to Grandma, or your Aunts or your cousins, or Grandpa, but you cannot talk to strangers on the internet even if you THINK they are your friend.
So that game had to go.
My kids are not allowed to play violent games. No shooting games. In fact I played Mortal Combat with them, the newest one and was soooo disturbed by the newer graphics and violence in it (a lot different than the on I grew up playing!!) that we got rid of it, even the kids thought it was too much. They play Minecraft, and Lego games. Our Xbox sits in the living room at our ONE AND ONLY Television. A simple 32" TV. This way we monitor what our kids are playing, and watching. We have Netflix and Hulu which gives us a way to set what we feel they can handle.
We shoo or our kids outside to play, and at the ages they are now we do not feel they need CONSTANT adult supervision while they play. They know their boundaries. They do well to stay in them because we have TAUGHT THEM from the time they were VERY young what the boundaries were. As they grow older and more mature those boundaries grow too. They know we have to be able to TRUST them, and they also know that if they break our trust those boundaries shrink and they have to re earn that trust. They are learning what friends in the neighborhood are ok to play with, and which ones are not and they have learned some of those lessons the hard way, and we have let them. Better they figure out as young kids how to choose a GOOD friend, than wait until they are older and are just making friend with anyone and don't care who they choose and fall in with a bad crowd (not to say that might not still happen, but at least demonstrating what good friendships are, and having allowed them to learn good and bad friends while young, it will at least help and set that example).
We still stress the importance of FAMILY time. We have family game and movie nights. We go to the park together, volunteer together, go to their ball games together. We work hard to SUPPORT the positive things in each others lives. If there is a negative thing....we work on it together and love them through it and allow them enough safe space to grow.
Even having done everything that WE THINK as a parent is right....we ultimately do not get to choose the choices our children will make as they grow. Unfortunately...our children are the ones responsible for those choices and we can pray we did well and gave them life lessons that they can draw wisdom from.
I also agree with the fact that God has been taken so far out of our schools that it is ridiculous. I know that is a touchy subject with parents. When I was in school we still had prayer at the pole. I remember the Boy Scouts in my school used to do prayer at the pole and do a pole folding thing at the end of the day. There was a Christian group in our school, FCA that did student lead prayer at the poles. We used to recite the National Anthem as well. I remember having moments of silence before ball games too. God wasn't gone from our schools, not yet anyway. Now days.....kids seem afraid to utter a word about God. They do not want to be punished for believing in God, or made to believe that they are making everyone around them uncomfortable for their beliefs, so these children are forced to stay silent. I teach MY children it is ok to pray in school, it is ok that when you feel afraid, or stressed, or angry that you take those feelings right to God. No matter where you are. You can do it in your head where no one else can hear, or whisper it to yourself, its' ok. If that makes you feel better, safer, happier, less stressed, do it. I do that at work often myself!!
Kids need something to believe in now days. They need SOMETHING to give them hope when so much in their life seems hopeless, what's wrong with giving children hope, and love through God? The idea that something bigger than yourself is in control of a scary situation actually comforted me when I was a kid. That no matter what, God had my back even if no on else did. If teaching a child they are not alone is a bad thing.....then I hate to see what a good thing to teach them is. That there is nothing bigger out there, that all is hopeless, you are utterly alone???? That isn't comforting. That isn't positive. That isn't helpful at all. That's lonely and terrifying. I'd rather think I have a friend in Jesus than trudge through this scary world thinking I am alone.
Bring God back to the classroom. I'm not saying you have to do a full on sermon in the classroom by any means. But it shouldn't be wrong to allow kids to pray. To talk among themselves about what they believe. It also doesn't hurt them to learn about how a classmate believes.
It is DEFINETLY time that parents got ANGRY and got UNITED about our children's safety. Parents united for car seat safety. Parents united against drunk driving, women, moms, have been a driving force against equal rights for women because we got angry against injustices in the work place. So parents, it's ok to GET ANGRY, we SHOULD be angry. We should be angry because our kids are being killed IN SCHOOL. Whose kids will be next? I think prayer is a WONDERFUL thing, but prayer without action, doesn't necessarily make things happen. When you feel helpless in a situation and you literally do not know what to do, it isn't wrong to send out prayer for someone who is hurting. However, it's time that we get it together and DO SOMETHING as a country. We need to UNITE on the issue and all I see is MORE arguing and hate. Let's throw more fuel on the fire, that works to put out the fire doesn't it. I think not.
I see all of these little "tips and tricks" to keep kids safe. Bullet proof glass, metal detectors, giving kids rubber door stops to carry with them to wedge in a door to keep it closed, these special bar devices a teacher shoves under the door and uses to barricade the door making it next to impossible for a shooter to get in, bullet proof back packs, curtains made of Kevlar in the classrooms, active shooter drills and teaching kids to spread out in the classroom so they aren't an easier target, making kids feel like they need to jump in front of a bullet to save their class mates. Giving guns to teachers and staff, police officers at schools, so many things. But those aren't solutions. Those are defensive tricks. Tricks to help buy some more time. Tricks that MIGHT make you live.
Yes making laws won't solve all the answers, but laws ARE an affective way at helping to make the world safer. Yes often criminals will still find a way to commit a crime but my goodness let's not make it EASY for them to do commit a crime. Make it as freaking hard for them as you possibly can. What do they tell children to help protect them from kidnappers? Be as loud and "difficult" as you can and make it super hard for them to grab you so it draws attention to them and make it take longer for them to grab you which they want it to be quick, so don't make it quick. LOUD and busy and make them flee. Should be the same with all criminals. MAKE IT HARD FOR THEM. Make them change their mind.
I hope that we can ALL agree that something needs to be done.
Look at your children, and ask yourself. Do you love your gun rights more than you love your child? Is your desire for a gun more important for your child to go to school and learn safely? Does YOUR gun at your home ensure YOUR child's safety at school? Are you going to follow your child around for the rest of their life acting as their body guard with your gun? Or do you want to make the world a safer place FOR your child to exist.
The senseless murders of our children have GOT TO STOP.
Saturday, February 17, 2018
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