"Mean Strict Mom" 101

Jeepers Creepers Peepers! I wasn't aware I was such a "harsh and strict" mom.  I guess I am.  Can't really say that it really makes me feel that bad though because if my reasons for being "strict and harsh" are bad then I'd hate to think how the other people parent!

How am I a mean and strict parent? 

Because I do not feel kids should have electronics in their room.  I just don't feel it's right, especially not for MY kids.  If someone else does it with their kids, fine whatever.  Not my kids, not my problem.  As for MY kids no, I do not like it. 

However, my husband INSISTED on hooking up a small TV in the boys bedroom tonight against my will.  I am still very disgruntled about it.  We had a loooong discussion about it and he agrees and understand that this comes at a HIGH price and the FIRST TIME I catch them messing with it (the cords or the  TV and DVD player) it's gone.  Not in their room.  The first time a DVD gets ruined in their room it's all getting yanked out of their too.  That stuff costs money and I will not tolerate it getting destroyed and replaced all the time.  That is pointless and a waste of money.

I also don't like my kids having a ton of candy or junk good.  On special occasions, or holidays that's fine.  But NOT all day every day. 

I feel children should have chores that are age appropriate.  They need expectations and guidelines and rules to follow.  They need limits.  They can't just go about willy nilly doing what ever they please, that makes for bad behavior. 

I don't mind kids watching a little TV or playing a few games now and again.  But atleast in MY house they have to be done in the living room as a family.  You can have all the books in your room that you want, I am NOT opposed to books or art.  That's great! I just think TV and computer time for kids should be limited. 

We use NetFlix instead of cable and pick age appropriate things for the kids to watch and they get to watch a certain amount of the shows.  They get to watch a bit more TV on weekends because they don't go to school, but not too much . They still have to try and do some kind of fun activity with either me or my husband or all of us as a family.  Usually cooking together, or a craft project or playing a game on the TV together, or preferably a board game. 

I pretty much adhore video games.  I can't stand them.  The ONLY reason I'm ok with my husband's x box is because we stream Net Flix through it.  I don't mind the Wii because it's ACTIVE everyone gets up and moves, I don't mind the Kinect for the same reason.  You are up together moving and having fun, not just staring blankly at the screen. 

I flat out refuse to allow my kids to have a game system in their rooms, ever.  We will have a FAMILY game system, and a FAMILY computer.  I don't want technology taking over their lives.  I don't want them thinking they HAVE to live with a cell phone in their hands texting all the time.  That's not healthy! Cell phones are horrible.  People spend so much time looking down at their cell phone screen they miss the world around them.  Car accidents, for instance! NO phone call or text is EVER that important to answer while behind the wheel of a vehicle! A vehicle is a freaking killing machine in the hands of an irresponsible person.

I want my kids to know life without technology or atleast with not as much technology.  I'll admit we do have SOME technology.  Granted I have the worlds most simple cell phone that I rarely use.  I direct all calls to my home phone, and I'll get your call and return it when I get home.  So yes my cell phone barely gets used and we only have 1 cell phone.  The husband and I share it.  If he's going out and I'm staying home he'll take it with him or vice versa.  If we all go out it goes along as an in case of emergency item.

We do have a desk top and it's in the dining room.  The kids don't touch it. And I don't play any of those silly Facebook games, I did when Keegan was in the hospital but haven't touched them since.  For awhile my Mother would do my Farmville to help her out but I just quit it all.  I hate getting game requests.  I played that words with friends briefly that was fun, but got old pretty quick. 

If I'm going to play a game I want to play a REAL game face to face with friends! Like Scrabble, or Uno, or Rummy, Monopoly, Battle of the Sexes or something like that.  Even checkers or chess is fine! I LOVE a good game of Chinese Checkers (taught to me by my Grandma who was awesome at playing!). We still love having game nights at our house. 

We have played a few games of D&D (but not the obsessive OMG this is my LIFE kind of thing)  just a random for fun once a month thing for a couple of hours after the kids go to bed.  But again, that got boring.  I cannot play video games.  I am awful at it.  Can't even play Minecraft.  Just cannot get into it.  WOW (World of Warcraft) is about the dumbest game I've ever seen.  Occasionally my husband will play that at night after the kids go to bed, his mom plays it too and they'll a  few missions on it together and chat over the phone, which works for them.  Oddly that's how they've always "bonded" was through video games.  I just don't see the attraction to video games.  How did I end up with a huge video game enthusiast as a husband?  What WAS I thinking?

We have recently let Kams play the Wii a few times, she likes to bowl against Mommy (she's a pretty good little bowler!)  Soon we want to take her to the bowling alley to play REAL bowling, I am pretty sure she'll love that. The boys are more into the kinect, they love that dodgeball type game where they jump around and use their body to whack the ball to break the boxes, can't remember what it's called, it's a basic Kinect game.  I like those things for when it is too cold or too rainy or too hot to be outside and we want to burn up some energy.  Can't exactly jump rope in the house!

My kids THRIVE on being outside, they'd probably pitch their tent up in the back yard and live out there if they thought I would let them!! They LOVE to ride their bikes, they are always on them, and we play together,   I'm always watching them and chasing after them as they ride their bike.  Keegan nearly gives me a heart attack the entire time he's outside, that boy is a dare devil!!! The other day he ran into a parked car on his bike before I could stop him (thank GOD the car was parked!) And a few days before that he ran into a phone pole because he wasn't watching where he was going because he was too busy making sure Mommy was watching his AWESOME pedaling skills, and trust me I was watching! I was running a few steps behind screaming "KEEGAN!!! Watch out for that pole!!!! STOOOOP!!!!!"   He didn't listen.  *sigh*

And now the boy wants a skate board, and I just found put the local skate park does skate classes for free for kids 5th grade and under.  Oh joy.  So guess what Keegan wants to do?  *sigh*  I see a skate board in his future and trip to the ER.  I've always said Keegan would be the first with a broken bone, I really hope NONE of them end up with a broken bone EVER. 

Marshall is more cautious, infact he prefers a simple 3 wheeled scooter over a bike or skate board and he likes to be mellow and cautious on it.  Though he DOES love to spin on the swing or be pushed really high.  Keegan, is my wild child.  Kams isn't too mellow either, but atleast she'll settle down with a look from me or me saying her name.  Keegan on the other hand...I literally have to chase him down and stop him from getting himself killed all the time.  I have numerous gray hairs now and they all have his name on them.  Ever.  Single.  One. 

When you've had cancer as a baby and been through what he's been through, you learn to live life to the fullest, even if that means killing your mom in the process apparently!

When it comes to "being kids" my kids could write a book.  They are the biggest mess makers, the biggest loud mouthes, the silliest, funniest, toughest, most curious, creative, energetic, and wonderful kids ever.  Yes, I might just be saying that because they are MY kids but I honestly think that yes they ARE kids, not mini adults.  They do kid stuff. 

My kids barely even know how to turn on the TV because that isn't something they NEED to know.  They don't know how to use the game systems (and kids that are the same age as my SONS can work their own xbox in their bedroom, that's INSANE!). 

My daughter knows how to use my kindle a little bit, but only after I put it on the app page and she can find the one she wants.  I'm sure she could figure it out, but I'm not about to thrust that into her little hands!

For Christmas she is getting an Innotab, it's essentially a kindle or Ipad device for kids, that's a bit more affordable, as in the $60 range.  The $100 one I felt was a bit...pricey for a 5 year old right now.  For her birthday she wants the camera that goes with the Innotab and that's ok because she really loves taking pictures and I thought it would be a great project for 4H when she's older or something like that.  She really loves taking pictures.  She isn't too shabby either!

So obviously I'm not TOO strict and mean when it comes to technology.  But even with her getting that Innotab, there are rules that apply.  She can ONLY use it in the living room where we can see her.  Only I will download apps on to it for her.  She has to ask before she can get it out.  If she doesn't keep her room clean or back talks or doesn't want to do her chores, or gets into trouble at school she doesn't get to use it. Which I think is all very reasonable, and should be rules that all kids have regarding "privledges" like game systems, and electronics. 

Kids don't just automatically deserve to have all of that extra stuff.  It is not recquired that your child have a computer or TV in their room by age 3.  My daughter has an alarm clock with a built in radio that she got for her 5th birthday, and it's on the Christian radio station or the classical music station and she is perfectly happy with that. She DOES have a really really really really old lap top (that doesn't even work half the time) but she used to get on it to play some educational computer games but she prefers to play those educational games on the Kindle now rather than the lap top.  They MUCH prefer being outside to being in the house with a game system or movie.

I'm strict because I don't let them have candy, or technology, or junk food, and I make them have chores and rules.  Yep.  Call me strict then I guess.  I can live with that.

I don't expect anything unreasonable from my kids, I ask nothing more than what a lot of parents ask their kids to do the same age as mine.

They have to keep their rooms picked up, and pick up their dirty laundry, help make their beds (my daughter does a great job at making her bed all by herself though!) They have to hang their back packs and jackets up at the front door and put away their shoes when they come home from school.  Pick up their items out of the front room when done playing with them, put away books they aren't using, help set the table at meal time, and help clean up after meal time.  They help take care of all of their pets (helping with feeding and watering the cats and dogs, and helping to clean out the hamster cage and fish bowl).  Taking a bath, brushing their teeth, cooperating to get their hair brushed or put up, getting dressed for school or bed.  Changing their clothes when they come home from school before they play. 

Nothing difficult or out of reach!

They also like to sweep (and do a pretty decent job!), and they like to help with the vacuum, and again do a pretty decent job, I let them vacuum their own rooms.  I plug it in and they vacuum and I come in and inspect they are so proud of themselves! It's adorable.  Anytime they want to volunteer to help with something, I let them, unless it's something that isn't safe for them to do.  If they want to help take out the trash, that's great! If they want to help with the dishes (the non breakable non knife stuff) that's great! I have no problem letting them help.  It helps them learn to do these tasks on their own when they are older. 

My step sister does not share these same philosophies which is fine.  She does things differently in her family.  She knows her family best after all.

She believes kids should have no chores until they are 10, and if they have home work they shouldn't have to do their chores, and they should be allowed to eat candy and junk food.  They should be allowed to have any and all technology they want and it should be in their rooms and they should be on it whenever they want. Pretty much give kids what ever they want, and make sure they always fit in and everyone likes them. 

I'm happy that works out for her family.  That would most certainly NOT work out for my family.

Even if I HAD the money to buy them anything and everything their little hearts desired, I wouldn't do it.  I personally feel children should have to "earn" stuff.  I'll give you my love and adoration for free.  I will always be there for you and always be your mom.  I, however will not be your money tree and simply give you everything you want whether you should have it or not.  If you want that certain item you need to SHOW ME how bad you want it by working hard for it.  Work hard in school, do a few extra chores around the house, don't argue with your parents or siblings, stuff like that.  I personally feel, if you give children stuff all the time and they never have to work for anything they grow up to be spoiled ungrateful little brats who do not appreciate anything they ever have, take everything for granted and think only STUFF is important.

Stuff is not important.  You can have all of the STUFF in the world and still be a miserable, unhappy, little twit.  Stuff doesn't make the person. 

My kids have quite a few items, especially outside toys (bikes, a wagon, sand table, sand box, sand toys, swing set, outside play house, basketball hoop, Tball stand and things like that) they had to earn that stuff or we saved and they got items for their birthday.  For awhile kids were coming over and were playing with all of the kids "stuff" but would ignore the kids and didn't want to play with my kids JUST their STUFF.  I had enough of that and told the kids not to come back until they could play with my kids AND their stuff, not just their stuff.  Some of the kids decided not to come back, but others did and they stuck around and play WITH my kids not just their stuff. 

I want my kids to learn to like people for who they ARE not for what they have.  Stuff, doesn't matter.  Stuff is here today but can be gone tomorrow.  What happens to that family whose kids have everything and are so "popular" what happens if their parents lose their jobs and lose everything they own, or have a house fire, or other natural disastor, and they lose all that "stuff".  Do all of those friends stick around?  Probably not.  You don't have the "stuff" anymore.  So they are left with who you are, and you may not be a very likeable person, and may realize that it was just the stuff you had that made people come around.  That means you need to re-evaluate yourself, and who you hang/hung around with. Just my opinion though.

I want real friends, not fake friends.  I want to be a real friend not a fake one.  I want the same thing for my children to. I'd rather have 1 real friend than several fake ones.

I don't want my kids to feel like they have to have what everyone else has to "fit in" and be "cool".  Popularity is not what matters.  Though no Mom wants her child teased, I don't want my kids thinking they need to change for everyone else, or have stuff to be liked.  I feel there is more wrong with the kids that are mean bullies than there are the ones who are GETTING bullied.  Why do they feel that they NEED to belittle others?  Why do they feel like they need to bring down others? I feel there is something missing in their lives to feel this need to hurt others. 

I've seen some pretty crazy strict moms, how about those TIGER moms?  To me, THAT is extreme, but if it works for them and achieves whatever goal it is they are after, then whatever who am I to judge.  If I don't like it, then I don't have to be that type of Mom. 

I'm happy with how I parent my kids.  Am I perfect parent?  Hell no.  I make mistakes, have days with looow patience, have days where I just want to run out the door screaming with my hands up in the air waving my little white flag.  I think that is reletively normal though.  You aren't going to have a "perfect" day with your kids every day.  You are going to get frustrated.  You are going to be short on patience at some point.

At the end of the day?  I'm happy with my parenting.  My kids are fed meals that I feel meet their health recquirements, they are clean, they are happy, healthy, safe, loved, and have had fun, and have learned something educational.  They have gotten to run and play and scream and be silly, they've played with their toys and let their imaginations run wild, watched a silly movie with their Mom and Dad, played with their dogs and cats, and discussed their favorite parts of the day.  I can go to bed at night knowing I have 3 beautiful children that I love and adore with all my heart and who love and adore me right back.  I am so thankful for those 3 beautiful little blessings and wouldn't trade them in for the world.

My stepsister might think I'm a mean and strict mom, but my kids don't think I am at all, and in the end I care much more about what my kids think, than what anyone else thinks. Even if my kids DID think I was being mean, because I don't let them have what they want when they want it that just means I'm doing my job as a Mom. 

Anyway, I'm actually planning on going to bed early tonight, for once! (Twisted my neck somehow last night while I was sleeping and it's been difficult to move my head today!) 

Photographed a great friends baby shower today, it was a great baby shower! Great company, great snacks, and hilarious games! I'm glad I was able to be at her baby shower and take photos of it.

Mae