Some days being a parent is really hard. Like super duper hard. Emotionally hard. Today, was kind of one of those days. At least I had time to sort of prepare for it, sort of. A quick phone call from Circus Daughters teacher gave us the heads up and my husband and I were able to discuss the issue before hand and how we were going to approach it and what the best course of action would be.
Circus Daughter is a great she rarely gets in to actual trouble at school, or at home. She's always been a pretty great kid. Respectful, kind, sharing, thoughtful etc etc. However, like all kids she is just as easily able to make bad choices, as she is good choices.
Circus Daughter is a great she rarely gets in to actual trouble at school, or at home. She's always been a pretty great kid. Respectful, kind, sharing, thoughtful etc etc. However, like all kids she is just as easily able to make bad choices, as she is good choices.
Circus Daughter recently enjoyed an Easter egg
hunt with her fellow Girl Scouts.
They had so much fun, and her smile says it all.
Making choices when you are seven years old can be difficult. You are learning so much when you are that age and sometimes it's just a lot to take in and you end up making a wrong choice. Then it's up to everyone (teachers, parents, student), on how that situation is going to be handled. That's the tricky part.
Enjoying dying eggs at the Girl Scout Troop
Easter Party.
Her teacher is fantastic and handled everything very well complete with calling my husband and I. When my daughter came home from school it didn't take too long before she spilled the beans, or at least she could tell we knew what had happened, even though we hadn't exactly came out and asked her yet. The importance of fessing up.
The gears in her head were turning, you could tell. You could tell she didn't want to fess up and come clean with what had happened, but she knew she needed to. She was wrestling with herself mentally over what had happened.
She was starting to feel some regret at this point, because now she had to come home and tell her parents what had happened and give us the note. (I always thought that was the scariest part, going home and telling your parents! Cept when I was a child I got a spanking, and yelled at).
Thankfully, that's not exactly how my house hold works. (Not that I think spankings are the worst thing ever, I think they CAN have a place, but they just aren't something we tend to use in our arsenal of parenting but on a rare occasion). I can't lie and say yelling doesn't sometimes happen, but in this situation yelling did not happen, it wasn't needed, not at all. Besides, yelling just makes everyone feel icky.
My husband and I got our sons distracted at the table doing their home work so they wouldn't be all up in their big sisters business (which would have made things a million times worse because they try to act like the do gooders that do NO wrong and try to tell their big sister how SHE messed up and shouldn't do that which just makes her go off on them and then we have a whole new set of issues, soooo eh, no I wasn't wanting to deal with that tonight, so SONS go do your home work, and daughter head to your room so we can have a chat), so they sat about doing their home work while my husband and I sat in my daughters room and talked with her about what had happened.
I won't be sharing the particular situation, out of love for my daughter. That's between her and I and her teacher. It's been dealt with.
I would like to share how hard it is though to stick to a plan when it comes to disciplining!
It is seriously hard to tell this face no,
but some how we manage. Our first born,
she's strong willed, stubborn, sweet, feisty,
kind, loving, funny, imaginative, and
everything sweet and wonderful about having a daughter.
And everything that reminds me why parenting can
be so very difficult!
We talked to our daughter about her choice, and why it was not a good choice to make, we gave her a chance to talk to us and tell us how she was feeling, her side of the story, and anything else she wanted/needed to say. We talked some more, and we gave her a million hugs and told her how much we love her, but we were just disappointed in her choice, and we hoped that next time should she be in that same situation that she will make a better choice because we know she's capable of making great choices.
We discussed the disciplinary actions with her and made sure she understood them.
Grounded, for two weeks, extra chores, and no friends over to play and no riding her bike, and no TV (that's all included in the two weeks of grounding).
There were lots of tears. It was hard to see her so upset, knowing she had made a mistake and realizing that mistake had a consequence. No parent likes to see their child upset, however if you let them get away with things, or let them take the easy way out, or not let them face consequences for their actions, they never learn and it just gets worse and worse.
We want our kids to learn young that bad choices have consequences and that those consequences are uncomfortable and come with feelings that make us uncomfortable and that we don't like. Like the guilt, and regret, and feeling sad because we have to miss out on something we really like. I'd rather my kids miss out now on cartoons, or playing with friends because they made a bad choice than to miss out on so much more when they are adults because they never learned that making bad choices affects your future, so when they are adults they end up in jail and miss everything going on. Nip things in the bud NOW while they are still small things so they don't get out of hand and turn in to big things later on, when the consequences are so much higher.
There are a couple of other conditions under her disciplinary action at home that she will be doing, but those are two things that are completely up to her to figure out and to do. I know she'll do a great job. She's a very sweet and thoughtful child so I know she will come through with her special project we told her she had to come up with.
Parenting can just be hard though. I definitely just wanted to scoop her up and hold her and cry with her and say "it's ok sweet heart, it's ok! Don't cry!"
I couldn't do that.
Because truthfully, no it wasn't ok. Those feelings she was feeling were REAL feelings and they went along with getting in to trouble, a part of life. A part of learning and growing up.
I partially disagree with parenting 'experts' that say it is wrong to humiliate a child to punish them. Now I'm not saying the parent should SERIOUSLY humiliate their child in a big and grand way. However, if your child has friends over and your child is showing off and making bad choices because he has friends over...guess what mom and dad, you better say something RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Let him or her feel a bit of embarrassment because they got in trouble in front of their friends. You know what they learn? That when they are older, and on their own without mom and dad around...that if they act like their friends (who might be showing off for a girl or a guy or to just look cool or whatever). They will have realized, hey that's not acceptable, my parents wouldn't want me to act like this. So they may very well likely second guess acting like a fool. Granted, it won't work all the time or with every kid. Feeling a little bit embarrassed or humiliated is NOT a bad thing. They are natural feelings that children DO need to feel, and DO need to learn how to handle and understand. However, these feelings shouldn't be used as weapons to bully a child.
When I was growing up I was terrified of getting in to trouble, but not always for the right reasons. I mean heck yes I was terrified of the consequences, because I didn't want to get my ass whooped, I was fearing the butt whooping the most.
All in all, I am proud of my daughter and how she handled the situation today after she realized she wasn't getting out of it. She handled us talking to her well, and knows we aren't backing down or changing our minds. She has done her extra chores very well tonight. One night down, thirteen more to go. One lesson hopefully learned, we shall see.
Here's to all those good kiddos out there doing the best they can to make the best choices. The kiddos we are trying to gently guide in the right direction, the kiddos who sometimes have to cry and feel the tough feelings to learn the lesson they need to learn. It's not easy to watch them squirm, but sometimes...it's just part of the growing up lesson and learning to make better choices.
I always ask my children when they are doing something that could easily lead them into getting into trouble (like starting to wrestle and rough house in the house).
Ask yourself a few questions.
"Would my parents like what I'm doing?"
"Should I be doing what I'm doing?"
"Is it safe to me and others?"
"How will I feel about what I'm doing if myself or my friend gets hurt?"
"Am I using good listening skills?"
"Am I keeping my hands/body to myself right now?"
"Am I using an inside voice?"
It makes them stop long enough to think about what their doing. Now I can't say it works EVERY time, sometimes they continue to do what their doing and natural consequences come in to play (they unintentionally hurt themselves or one another), They get grounded for not listening.
We try though. We try gosh darn it to make good choices. When a bad choice IS made I usually then ask them "What did you learn from this?" and "What can you do differently next time?" or "Would this be a choice you would make again?"
They love those questions, ha.
When I make a bad choice, I recognize that maybe I shouldn't have made that decision and I should have made a better choice. That helps model the good behavior for my kids.
I wish I could say I was the worlds most awesome at good choices. I think it's something we all struggle at, but we do our best and our moral compass helps guide us and that's important. We then use our moral compass and the things we've learned from our own mistakes to guide our children.
They'll get there. Our kids are learning. Learning something new every day growing bigger and stronger and wiser day by day. It's amazing watching our children grow and shine!
Mom Circus
