The Breast Debate

Generally, I TRY to stay out of this one.  I'm not talking about Breast Cancer Awareness either (THAT is a completely different debate)!

I'm talking about breast feeding.  I cringe every single time one of these "stories" hits the head lines.  Why?  Because I know what's going to happen next. 

Out comes the anti nursing, the "breast haters" as I call them.  Those wrapped up in "I'm right your wrong" and "Our bodies are only sex objects and you should be ashamed of them...blah blah blah...."

I hate it.  I absolutely hate it.

Why?  Well, think about it.  Breasts were not merely invented for sexual pleasure.  Or filling out the cleavage area of your bathing suite, wedding gown, or favorite summer tank.  Breasts were our first method of feeding our children.  It's how we survived.  It's how we thrived.  Our bodies are a wonderful and amazing creation.  Not only can women grow tiny humans in their stomach, and endure great pain giving birth, they can also sustain that tiny little life using milk that their own body produces specifically FOR that child.  If humans had not been able to do that years ago, our species would not be here. Or we'd have children with frog tongues that lived on flies and what not but I'd like to NOT picture that. 


We're a mammal.  Mammals have live births, mammals nurse their children.  We don't lay eggs, we don't give birth to a baby gazelle that can run like 10min after it's born.  No, we give birth to tiny mushy smooshy fragile babies that depend on us to feed, protect, nurture and help them grow.


Now as technology has advanced, man realized they couldn't ALWAYS nurse their children.  Sad, but true.  I'm sure many children died as a result of not having food, and that is absolutely horrible.  So man (woman?) Created formula.  Wonderful thing they created, really it is.  Formula has helped many babies grow, survive and thrive.  I myself was nursed for the first month of my life and then after that I received formula.  Not a big deal.  I'm still alive.  Sure, I'm not Albert Einstein, but I don't think a full year of breast milk would have done that anyway.  Two years of breast milk would have probably still not made me into Albert Einstein, or as athletic as Michael Jordan.  Some things, really are in your genetics.  All I know, is I lived.  I made it to adult hood and am relatively healthy, and I'm fairly well educated.


I am just happy my Mother fed me! She could have just let me starve.


When my Mother was a baby, my Grandmother tried to nurse her, but it wasn't working.  For some reason my Grandma was unable to nurse my Mother like she has her brothers and sister before her.  I don't know if they had formula back in the early 60's, my guess is they didn't, but I could be wrong.  I haven't researched that. 

I know that for whatever reason, my Mother was fed powdered milk, or goat or cows milk (fresh milk, not store bought).  My Mother lived.  She was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at only 7 years old.  Maybe it had something to do with how she was fed, but I really don't know. 


Fast forward to 2007 when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.  The first thing my husband asked me when I found out I was pregnant was "Are you going to breast feed her?"  I looked him straight in the eye and said "Yes, do you have a problem with that?  Because if so, we need to talk, now." 

He smiled at me and said "NO! Absolutely NO problem! I'm glad you are breast feeding her, it's the best choice!"  I was thrilled.  I didn't know this man had a clue about breast feeding, or even cared for that matter.  He certainly did though. He cared a lot.  He was very supportive which was awesome considering he and I were all we had to depend on during our pregnancy and her birth.  He was always in my corner when it came to nursing our daughter.  He'd make sure we were both settled in and comfortable, he's make sure I had PLENTY of nice cold water to drink, and that I had plenty to eat (and the right foods, he made me so much oat meal it's ridiculous, because he knew oat meal was supposed to help your milk supply).  He would help me the best he could when I pumped.  Pumping never really worked for me, I didn't have much luck pumping a whole lot, but I did my best. 


I went back to work only 3 weeks post partum (after a C section too, my doctor was NOT happy about that, but I had no other choice.  I needed to keep my job, and we had bills to pay). 

Because of my issues pumping we didn't have a very big milk stash in the freezer, and my daughter would go through that milk VERY quickly.  She'd start crying hungry again while I was still at work and she was out of pumped milk.  So I'd have to clock out and go home and get her and my husband and then sit in the office and nurse her till she was full.  Then give her back to my husband who would sit at work until I was finished.  It was so stressful.  So against what WE as parents wanted...we had to start using formula when I was at work. I still pumped, and she still used all of that, however if she needed formula while I was still at work, she got it.


I remember the week before I went back to work.  She was 2 weeks old.  I didn't want to give her a bottle, I didn't want her to get nipple confusion.  I cried my eyes out.  I felt like a failure.  I had let my daughter down because I didn't do a whole MONTH of just my breast.  She wasn't going to be able to nurse anymore, I just KNEW it.  It took us a whole week and a half to get her to take a bottle.  She wouldn't do it.  She REFUSED the bottle. 

THANKFULLY a very close friend of ours helped us.  She told us to both go to work one night and she watched our daughter.  I was a nervous anxious mess (I had NEVER left my daughter with anyone other than my husband).  I was freaking out that she'd like starve or something while we were gone because she would NOT take a bottle from me or my husband.

You know what?  My friend got her to take a bottle.  Sure, my daughter fought it, but in the end she realized mom and dad weren't going to rescue her, she has no other choice.  She took the bottle of breast milk. 


Then we went to struggling with the milk supply and having enough pumped for her.  Then we had to introduce formula.  That was another battle.  She HATED the stuff.  Oh my.  She did NOT like formula.  Again, we had an issue.


There was so much stress, so many tears.  From both me, and my daughter. 


We stuck with nursing.  If I was around she always got my breast.  I still pumped what I could and stored it away for her.  She got formula when I was at work, but any other time she got breast milk.


I hated formula.  It smelled awful. It was messy, it was a PAIN in the BUTT to make bottles.  Cleaning bottles was a mess because I was totally panicky that I wouldn't clean the bottle right and my daughter would get sick (it wouldn't be sanitary enough or something). 


The first week after my daughter was born she didn't gain weight as quickly as her pedi wanted.  He tried right then to get me to quit nursing her.  He sent a home health worker to my home every other day to weigh her.  He really tried to pressure me into giving up breast feeding.  He even threatened to call CPS on me for not feeding my child.  I could have punched him in the face. 

I wasn't stupid.  I may have been only 22 when my daughter was born, but I wasn't dumb.  I had done my home work.  Breast fed babies do not gain weight the way a formula fed baby does.  Doesn't mean they are not being fed.  They digest it differently than formula.  She never LOST weight, she maintained her weight.  Then suddenly she hit a growth spurt (BEFORE we introduced ANY formula to her at all).  I printed off all of my research and slapped it down in the doctors office and told him to stop pressuring me to stop nursing my child, and to stop threatening me.  My daughter nursed ALL OF THE TIME (like new born babies DO when they are breast fed, you spend more time nursing your child than not, and that's NORMAL, that's OK!)  She was healthy, she was happy and we were doing JUST fine.  When she nursed she was able to get out a LOT of milk.  Just pumping it, did not work out so well for me.  I didn't like using a machine to get the milk out, and usually hand expressing the milk worked better than the pump did. Though that takes longer. 

For roughly 9 months my daughter got breast milk.  At 6 months she had basically stopped nursing (had I known it was just a nursing strike, and my hormones changing again and my periods preparing to come back, and my milk supply was changing because of that, and my daughter was realizing there was a change going on so she was a bit finicky about it, and she was starting to be aware of her world more and easily distracted) I would have continued to push her to nurse.  I however, thought she was letting me know she was no longer wanting to nurse, so we slowed down a LOT more on nursing.  Though I did still pump and freeze what I could.  So she was still getting breast milk till she was at least 9 months old.

She was also a child who did NOT want to eat any kind of solids until she was about 8 months old.  She hated the cereals, wouldn't touch them at all. She hated jarred baby foods.  We did avocado as her first baby food and she thought it was the best thing ever, she wouldn't touch that jarred stuff.  So we made our own baby foods. She was happy, and so were we.


When my twins were born, I was a little scared to nurse them but I KNEW it could be done.  I wasn't going to be the FIRST woman in history to nurse twins. Again, my pediatrician was NOT supportive (I know I should have changed Pedi's after kid #1 right)!?

Stupid me, let the pediatrician convince me that I NEEDED to supplement the twins with formula.  That otherwise, the boys wouldn't get the nutrition they needed. 

What a load of CROCK.  Neither one of my sons could stand the formula.  And Keegan instantly had tummy issues (thanks in part to his cancer that we didn't yet know he had).  So being a "lazy mom" I only half heartedly supplemented them.  They nursed basically all the time, which was fine.  We were always home.  I was basically topless all day to easily nurse them.  It worked for us! My sons grew just fine.  Until Keegan's cancer started making it's presence known.  As his liver grew as it filled with tumors, and his intestines and stomach got squashed into a corner, we noticed he was having more and more issues. 

When Keegan fist went into the hospital, I obviously couldn't nurse his twin brother Marshall because he was nearly an hour away from us.  So he had to take formula.  I felt so awful.  I was so stressed out.  Keegan was stressed out.  He HATED being held to nurse because it squashed his tummy more and was sooo uncomfy for him.  He'd cry and wiggle and just couldn't nurse. I TRIED so hard to pump for him at the hospital.  The stress, and my nerves totally shot my milk supply.  I could NOT relax to pump milk for my son.  I did what I could.


By 6 months both of my sons were basically both on formula the whole time.  I hated it.  I was heart broken. I had worked so hard to nurse them.  I had wanted to prove you CAN nurse twins, AND have a toddler and be just fine.  I wanted to prove it to MYSELF and to the stupid doctor that said "You can't". 

Breast milk was what Keegan needed to help him FIGHT his cancer.  I feel like what he DID get really did help him, but I wish I had been able to give him MORE.  It would have been SO much easier on his little tummy, and more sanitary too, and it would have give him antibodies that he lost during chemo. 


I always want to let breast feeding moms know that YOU CAN DO IT.  It will be hard, life will throw you curve balls.  People will make comments, they will stare.  You may not get all of the support you need.  However, you are doing something good, and wonderful for your child.  Doing what YOU feel is best for your child.  To give them what you feel is the best head start in life for them.  That's a wonderful and beautiful thing.


If you can't breast feed at all, and some women cannot, that's ok.  Formula is not evil.  Do not feel ashamed for using formula. It's not dirty or gross, but neither is a mom who is using her breasts to feed a child. 

We need to stop being so hard on each other, stop being so hard on OURSELVES. 

MOST moms who nurse their children are not out to flash the world their boobs or show a ton of skin or out to make a statement.  They simply want to feed their child.  They want to calm their fussy and hungry child, to soothe them.  That's the same thing a mom using a bottle wants to do as well. We want to calm our child, we follow their cues, we know the yare hungry, and we feed them.  Wherever we are.


No one expects a bottle using mom to toss a blanket over their child or feed their child in a bathroom.  Why should a mom using a breast be told to do so?  She is simply using another method to feed her child.  It isn't wrong, dirty or immodest. There is nothing sexual about a child nursing from a mother's breast. 

Do you look at any other mammal on this planet and call them dirty for allowing their child to nurse from their breasts?  No, you don't.  It's in their nature.  It's what animals do.  We may be humans, we may have higher brain power and be at the top of the food chain.  However, we really are nothing but another animal on this planet.  Breasts are for feeding children.  I do believe that the human species is the only species that has sexualized the breast.  I don't believe a bull will judge a cow on the size of her udders, or any other animal for that matter.  So why is it humans feel the need to make breasts a dirty and taboo thing?  I've noticed that it is more so in the United States too.

Why is it many other countries are so much more open about their bodies and the use of their breasts? The United States doesn't have a problem plastering scandalous women on bill boards, TV commercials, movies, magazines, whatever.  It's ok for a singer to stand up on national television and bump and grind and touch herself and wear next to nothing on the stage.  That's acceptable?  But a Mother nursing her child showing no more skin than the woman standing next to her (perhaps even less skin), is ridiculed and called awful?  

Nursing moms in general show very little skin.  They have designed so many amazing nursing bras, nursing tanks, and nursing shirts that you rarely know what a nursing mom is doing unless you are RIGHT on top of her while she's doing it.  IF you are THAT close to a normal nursing mom...then YOU are the one with the issue invading a persons personal space like that. 

I've walked through the grocery store nursing my twins (without a cover) while my husband pushed the shopping cart with my at the time, toddler daughter sitting there.  We did our shopping, while I walked through the store nursing my twins.  NO one knew I was nursing them.  They just looked like they were sleeping and I was carrying them.  I showed no skin. They were happy.  They ate, they slept, and we got our shopping done with newborn babies.  (Thank goodness they were tiny or that would have been WAY more difficult!) 


When my daughter was a newborn I always used my Moby Wrap or my ring sling.  She nursed whenever wherever in those.  No one ever had a clue, and again...no one saw any skin.  The ONE time, I nursed in a restaurant and tossed a blanket over my shoulder (it was kind of cool in there as we had to sit close to the door and it was winter), so  I tossed a blanket over her to keep her from getting cold while she ate.  THAT is the ONLY TIME I EVER got rude comments and glares about nursing my child in public, and she WAS completely covered up! I was floored. 

Thankfully my husband piped right up before I had a chance and set the person straight, and that person was left speech less.  Did I mention how awesome I think my husband is?  Yeh, he's a good guy, and has always been in my corner supporting everything when it came to nursing our kids!


He is totally supportive of moms nursing.  The ONLY thing he isn't too fond of is moms nursing after the 1 year mark.  That's ok, I'm working on him on that one though.  There is no age in which breast milk ceases to be good for you.  They are doing studies right now on breast milk and cancer, and breast milk and Alzheimer's.  I am personally curious to see how those studies go! There are so many healing qualities to breast milk.


Though I don't think I could have personally NURSED my child after the age of 2 though.  I am sure I would have pumped and gave it to them that way...but I do not feel I could have nursed beyond the age of 2. However, that doesn't stop me from supporting other moms who DO feel comfortable doing so. Just because it works for another family, doesn't mean I have to bash them because it doesn't/didn't work for me.


In the news recently there was a story of a mom who nursed her child during her graduation.  She shared the photo to Twitter and to a breast feeding support group on Facebook. From their the photo kind of went viral, for apparently not good reasons.  As in, she was showing a whole of breast.


First of all, I say kudos to this mom. When baby needs to eat, baby needs to eat.  You cannot reason with a baby and tell them that now isn't a good time for you to be hungry, just wait a couple of more hours. They do NOT get your reasoning, AT ALL.  They know they are hungry, and they need to eat. NOW.  They know that CRYING gets your attention and signals you to FEED them.

Most graduations are kind of long winded.  This woman was 25 so she was graduating from COLLEGE, which means...it was probably even longer. 

I wasn't at this woman's graduation, so obviously I don't KNOW the specifics or what went down. However, that doesn't stop me from guessing. 

How do we know this woman had not nursed her child BEFORE the graduation, and she may have thought the child would be ok until after the graduation ceremony.  The child in the photo doesn't look like a brand new baby (who nurses more often) than an older child. So maybe she thought the kid would be ok until after graduation.  Not every mom can pump, not every child will take a bottle.  We don't know if this mom had previously had issues nursing in public, maybe it was something she had a hard time doing, but due to her situation, and the need of her child found herself having to do so.  How many moms carry a baby blanket during their graduation?  Not many I would suppose.  So if the baby needed to eat, whoever was watching the child during the graduation may have panicked and brought her the child, without bringing a cover.  The graduation looked like it was outside too, so perhaps it was super hot.  Would you want a blanket over YOU while YOU were eating in the middle of a heat wave?  Have you seen most baby blankets?  They are made out of FLANNEL or FLEECE, those aren't exactly fabrics that are well known for keeping you COOL.  Babies are pretty warm blooded anyway, and then being up close to mom while nursing that creates a lot of extra body heat and a blanket only makes it worse.  Next time you go to the beach on a 100 degree day, try staying wrapped up in a fleece blanket while you try to eat. 


Besides nothing screams "HEY I'M BREAST FEEDING A BABY OVER HERE"  more than a brightly colored nursing cover or baby blanket thrown over your entire body.  Just might as well wear a sign on your back  that says "HEY I'M NURSING MY CHILD COME STARE AT ME AND THEN COMPLAIN TO THE WORLD THAT I'M OFFENDING YOU BECAUSE I'M NURSING EVEN THOUGH EVERYTHING IS COVERED UP AND YOU CANNOT SEE A THING" 


So what the woman showed boobage.  Trust me, there are worst images than her nursing her baby during her graduation out there on the grand thing called the internet.  I'd MUCH rather my kids stumble across a photo of a nursing mom than SOME of the photos they could run into out there in the land of the internet.


My kids have seen plenty of women nurse. My kids have practiced nursing (yep even my twin sons).  They have all nursed baby dolls, Barbies', Spiderman, Dinosaurs, Lego people...you name it, my kids have breast fed it. I'm glad my children have POSITIVE images of what breasts are really for.  I don't want my sons to grow up thinking that a woman's breast is something that is ONLY to be oogled and groped and meant for THEIR pleasure.  I don't want my daughter to grow up thinking it's ok for a man to picture her like that, and that is all her breasts are for.  I don't want her to think that her breasts are a "dirty" thing, and that feeding her child with them is "wrong".  I want my sons to support their wives if they choose to breast feed, I want them to be supportive of their sister if she chooses to breast feed.  Women need more men that are on board with nursing.  Women need more WOMEN to be supportive of them nursing.


Another person's comfort should not come before their child's.  If I'm at the beach and I see someone walking around basically naked, I'm not going to go up to them and say "Hey, can you go in the bathroom and cover up, I have a child here".  It is MY responsibility to talk with MY child about what our family feels is and isn't acceptable. To steer them away from such things.  Just because someone is walking around naked, doesn't mean you have to gawk. You have the power to turn around and walk the other way.


If my child needs to eat, I SHOULD feed them. Now that doesn't mean I would strip my shirt off at the store and feed them shirtless like I sometimes did at home. Obviously that isn't what I would or should do.  But if that means nursing my child without a cover and showing little to no skin, then by all means I'm going to do it.


When we feed our children we often like to snuggle them, and look into their eyes and smile at them and talk to them.  That is good for their development.  Bottle feeding parents are discouraged of propping a babies bottle for health reasons, but if you prop their bottle all the time instead of holding them or looking into their eyes or talking to them while they eat...that is also damaging to their developing emotional state. They NEED that eye contact.  So to ask a nursing mom to cover up all the time, is wrong.  It takes away from the bonding from the eye contact that is so very important to babies during a very critical time.


I don't care if you use a bottle, or use your breast to feed your child.  Just feed your child.  Be kind.  We all just want to feed our children and raise them the best we can. I've bottle fed, formula fed, and breast fed all of my children. I've nursed in public, and covered up a time or two.  I don't regret any of the ways I've fed my children.  My children are growing, happy, smart, and healthy, so obviously I did something right.  When they grow up and are adults, I'm sure there will be SOMETHING I did while raising them that they hate, or will blame me for or will feel I could have done better, but I don't think that how I fed them as a baby will be one of those things.  I know I certainly don't hate my Mother for only nursing me for a  month and then giving me a bottle. She could have let me starve, then where would that have left me?


Mae