Children and Hot Cars

Watching the news in the summer time is incredibly hard for me to watch.  I cannot stand the news about children DYING from being left in a hot car.  Those are just more than I can stand.  My heart breaks for that poor sweet child.  Can you IMAGINE being that child? 

How many times is that child sleeping and the parent just "forgets" they even have a child with them and goes on about their life.  Does the child ever wake up?  Or do they just sleep into a for ever sleep with no clue that mom or dad just left them to die.  For the ones that are awake when Mom or dad leave them...what are they thinking?  Are they wondering why Mom or Dad didn't get them out of the car?  Are they wondering when they will come back?  I can imagine they are scared, and sick, and terrified. 


It is a horrifying thought, just the IDEA of leaving my children in a hot car causes my stomach to clench up.  I cannot imagine ever getting so self absorbed in my OWN life that I forget that my children are in the back seat.

Maybe it's because I have children who have NEVER let me forget that they are there.  The moment the car would stop they would cry, or as they got a little older start shouting "OUT OUT OUT!" 

I never had to leave my purse or anything in the back seat to "remember" I had children.  I just knew they were there and they needed me.


I am so glad our family is a cell phone free home, it's too easy to get distracted or caught up in a conversation, in your own world and just forget about the most precious cargo in the back seat.


In my own drive way when getting ready to go somewhere I've had the car off and the kids will have every door on the van wide open and they will be getting ready to get in the van and I'll tell them to wait a minute and pop in the house for literally a second to grab the keys, my purse or sunglasses that are all right by the door.  I never take my eyes off my kids, and the car is no more than 10 steps from my porch. THEN they are allowed to get in and buckle up.  When we have to stop and get gas (even when they were all babies), if I didn't do pay at the pump, I would unbuckle ALL of my kids and go in and pay for the gas, or wait till my husband was with us and make him do it.  No way was I putting my kids in danger.


It wasn't always easy shopping when the twins were babies.  Having to unbuckle their infant carriers and get them sat beside me so I could unbuckle my toddler and get her hand in the "leash" I kept with me so I wouldn't lose her while my hands were full of infant car seats walking to the store.  There wasn't always a parking spot next to the shopping carts available, and my husband wasn't always with us.  Sometimes you have to shop without another adult with you. 


Somehow we managed.  My daughter was kept close to me and I never lost her with one of those "leashes" while my hands were holding the infant carriers.  The boys didn't really care to be wore in my beloved moby wrap that I had used so much when my daughter was a baby.  Pushing a shopping cart and a stroller wasn't a feasible option either. 

The thought of consciously leaving my kids in the car NEVER crossed my mind.  Unconsciously leaving them in the car without thought never happened either.  I always knew they were there.

Our schedule was always changing.  I would have to run someone here or there, or pick my husband up or run an errand or pick up a grocery item or SOMETHING.  Our schedule was never really certain.  A change in schedule never made me forget my kids were in the back seat. 


Maybe it was because we had a small 1998 Dodge Stratus at the time?  It was small, you couldn't help but bump elbows with a car seat or see one in the rear view mirror. 

Someone was always crying, coughing, shrieking or snoring in the back seat and, I don't know about you, but I can't really block out the noises of my children.  I pay attention to every little hiccup, especially having a son who suffered from seizures as a baby, and one that could have had any number of medical issues due to chemo as a baby.  SO much could have happened, I just always listened. 

During their younger years, we HAD a cell phone.  However, we always had rules when it came to cell phones.  When I get into that car the cell phone is turned OFF and put into my purse.  Phone calls, and text messages waited until I got in the store, or until I got home. It was for emergency only, not for willy nilly conversations distracting me from my children.


As the kids got older, we just decided a cell phone was something we didn't "NEED" it cost more than having a home phone anyway, and someone was always home anyway.  Being a stay at home mom for several years, I was basically always home and if I had to go somewhere I have an answering machine, I'll get back to you when I get home. 

I survived my childhood without a cell phone, my Mother and her Mother and her Mother before all survived their childhoods without a cell phone, and also without a HOME phone.  I'm not saying go back to banging on drums or smoke signals to communicate, I'm just saying...maybe perhaps...back off of the distractions a little bit.  Cell phones are a distraction.  They are something people ALWAYS have in their hands now days.  Talking, texting, playing games, checking Facebook, taking a picture...whatever.  They never look up from it.  It consumes them. When I was growing up, I was what was always in my Mother's hand, or lap.  I was what her time was consumed with.  Or a paint brush, I remember watching my Mother create beautiful art work and crafts when I was growing up.  She and my Grandma taught me how to build, garden, paint, draw, arts and crafts, and so so much more.  They didn't have technology in their hands distracting them.  Thank goodness too because I am sure I would have been dead!! I was a "runner".  I darted into so many parking lots, if it had not been for that "safety leash" that so many people have issues with, I would be DEAD.  I could wiggle out of any hand hold, and to me, strollers were a joke, I could pop out of a stroller in no time flat.  How I survived the 80's and early 90's, I have no idea. My Mother and Grandma would put me in a shopping cart as soon as they could because I would dart away and on more than one occasion I almost got ran over, and it was through no fault of my Mother and Grandmother, they had my hand, and BAM I'd be gone.  Of course, back then you could whip your child's little tooshie right there in the parking lot and no one said a word.  Which is exactly what I needed, a butt spanking right there and then.  Now days?  No spanking, no yelling or you will get CPS called on you for being a bad parent.  You are supposed to sit there and reason with a 2 year old and explain to them why running into the parking lot is dangerous. Safety leashes now days are often "frowned" upon too.  How dare you treat your child like an ANIMAL! (Etc etc....) 


My point is....


Parents need to get back to being PARENTS.  Don't get me wrong I love Facebook as much as the next person, but if I had to check my Facebook page every time I went grocery shopping and couldn't go 2 hours without out....wow.  That's just sad. 

I don't NEED to talk to anyone RIGHT then and there.  I prefer to focus on my kids and my husband while we are out and about. Making memories with them.


I don't need to post a photo immediately of what we are doing and where we are, that can wait till later, much later, or never.  That's why I love not having a cell phone, it reduces the "urgency" of having everything RIGHT NOW, of doing everything RIGHT NOW. 


That's how people forget things.  They are too caught up in the stuff THEY think is important at that exact moment that they forget about what is TRULY important RIGHT NOW which is that sweet child they've left in the back seat of their vehicle while they run into the store. 


I don't know about you all, but when I go shopping, my shopping list usually consists of things my KIDS need, a constant reminder that "hey I have kids". 


Which laundry detergent isn't going to irritate my daughters skin?  (That's been a nightmare and a half finding just the right one for her), what healthy snacks can I pick up for them to have this week?  What would they like?  What drink should I get them?  They are getting tired of water and I don't want them living on Kool aid all summer.  Oh the boys need new flip flops because they broke the ones they had while riding bikes, what size do they wear again?  Of course they can't wear the same size...even being twins.  Hmm Kams needs some more hair ties, one broke and for some reason she only has like 2 left out of the WHOLE pack I just bought a month ago. Also, cannot forget detangle spray...go through a lot of that when you have three kids with gorgeously long luscious locks, hmm I think they might need some more body/hair wash too.  Don't forget to buy another box of band aids, again.  This new kitten is going to make me need to buy stock in band aids if the kids don't leave it alone, and quit getting scratched....


THOSE are the thoughts in my mind when I go into a store.  Every thought, is on them.  How could I forget they were with me, if all I do is think about them?

Maybe it's BECAUSE I've been a stay at home for so long and am so used to BEING with my kids constantly and NOT depending on anyone else to take care of my kids.  I don't know what it's like to run errands without kids.  I don't know what it's like to shop without kids.  I don't know what it's like to meet up with a friend at McDonalds for a salad without kids.  I always, ALWAYS have my kids with me. 

Even then, even if I didn't always have my kids with me, I just cannot fathom forgetting your child is in the back seat.


I've seen articles where a fantastic little boy created a brightly colored device out of one of those rainbow looms.  It fastens to the back seat of a car, and then stretches to fasten to the parents driver side door, so they can't really get out without unfastening the long colorful rubber band, thus making them realize "Oh hey my kid is in the back seat".  While I give huge props to that sweet kid for helping, and seeing a NEED for something like this....it breaks my heart to think that we even NEED anything at all like this.


Are parents going to buy those items created to prevent this?  No.  Why?  Because they think "It won't EVER happen to me, I'm sooo much more responsible than that".  Never say never.


As much as I can't understand HOW it can happen, I have to also realize it COULD happen to me.  My Mother in law does occasionally drive the kids places, and my niece will often come stay with us for a week, and she won't be 2 until the middle of July.  So what if my Mother in law had my niece with her and took her to the store and forgot she was in there?  It could very EASILY be my family.  What if my mother in law has one or all of my kids somewhere and they fall asleep, and she forgets they are in there, it could again...easily be my family.  Hell, as much as I don't THINK I would, or ever COULD do it, I don't know what the future holds.  I know it would take something pretty damn HUGE for me to forget that there is a CHILD in my vehicle. 

I'm pretty used to having kids with me, babysitting kids, my kids, a friends kids that need me to pick their kids up right quick from Day Care or Preschool since their car is broke down, and maybe I stop to run an errand along the way. It could happen, it could.  I realize that, and because I realize it COULD be me, I make a HUGE effort to be careful and diligent always.


As a mom, it does boggle my mind still on how on earth it could happen.  I just don't "Get" it.  So rest assured, if I am out shopping and I see a car with a child left in it this summer. I will not hesitate to bust that window and get that kid out, and flag someone down to call the cops and page the parent. Same with an animal.

I am a huge advocate for animals, I volunteer with my local animal shelter and have been a huge fan of animals since I was a small child.  The thing that gets me about PETS being left in a car...is I KNOW the people that are leaving them IN the car have not simply 'forgotten' that the dog is in there.  They literally make a CONCIOUS DECISION to leave the dog in the car.  Which is incredibly scary. 


At least most of the time with parents, it is an accident (not that this is an excuse mind you!!!) 


Dogs being left in a hot vehicle are left there by a CONCIOUS DECISION FROM THE PET OWNER. 

There are times my dogs go out with me during the hottest part of the day in the car.  Usually when I have to run my husband to work, however, I just drop him off and come straight home.  If I have to stop somewhere and run an errand, my dogs stay home in their kennels in our air conditioned home where they are safe from the heat of the day.  No matter HOW badly they may want to ride along with me.


The safety of my CHILDREN and my PETS is MY responsibility, no one else's.  If something happens to them on MY WATCH, it's not a good thing.  I will have let them down.  I mean obviously there are going to be bumps and bruises and scratches and little minor injuries for both kids and pets, things you cannot always control.  However, you can control whether or not you leave your kid or pet alone in the car on a hot day.


I know a lot of people will be like "Oh well I'm not a perfect parent, so get off your high horse, yadda yadda".  Well, you know what...I can assure you I AM FAR from perfect.  A couple of weeks ago a neighbor was over and they took one of my sons with them to their house to play with their kids.  I knew about it, gave him hugs and kisses and told him to have a fun time. 

Two hours later....


I forgot he had even left. 


I cried my eyes out I felt like such a shitty ass mom. That's the CLOSEST I have come to knowing how those parents feel that leave their kids in a hot car. I called my friend and told them I was coming over to get my son (and fessed up on the fact I had forgotten he was over there, I thought my kids were just in their bedrooms playing really really good! Occasionally I saw one or two of the kids come into the living room then go back in the bedrooms to play, so I didn't think much of it, occasionally they don't fight all day).  My friend laughed at me and said they were actually bringing him home at that moment and that he had a great time playing and hanging out at their house.  Had eaten a snack and watched cartoons with their kids.  I still beat myself up over that! Thankfully these neighbors live like 2 houses down from us and are part of the family and even lived with us for quite some time during a rough patch they had.  My children love and adore them nearly as much as they do me and their dad.


It was an awful feeling. Never want to experience that again.  Ever.


So yes I am far from a perfect mom, I make mistakes just like everyone else.  However, I there are still some things that just horrify me that some parents do (like leaving their child in a hot car whether on purpose or by accident) I find insane, and hard to understand and fathom.


So many head hurting things out there!

How many of you heard about the child (I think from China?) Several years ago that was addicted to smoking, and he smoked pack after pack of cigarettes and he was just little toddler?  Or the little boy (again I think from China) who ate and ate and ate and ate and ate all of the  time, and was a VERY over weight toddler?  Well, now there is a young child from China that is the YOUNGEST alcoholic.  He apparently screams and cries and DEMANDS alcohol. 


HOW/WHY? 

I know that a lot of other countries think that the U.S. is either waaaay over protective on some things, or waaaay lax on others. 

I know the family dynamic is different in some countries too, that in SOME countries and families it IS normal to let the child "rule the house".  Thank goodness that is not the case in MY home. 

I don't understand how a child could demand something like cigarettes, or alcohol, or food all of the time, and the parents just give it to them constantly.  They know that stuff isn't good for ADULTS, so why would it be good for a child?  I don't understand how they reason that as being ok.


I know that drinking and stuff is acceptable really young in some countries, and I understand that back in the "day" they used to rub whisky on teething children's gums.  CHILDREN, like toddlers....drinking?  Not cool.  I'm glad that MOST people now know better than to rub whisky on the gums of a child now as well.  Horrible ideas.


Sometimes the more I read in the news...the more I cringe and am sooo thankful that I live where I do, was raised the way I was, and have the family that I do. I some days seriously worry about society.


Since our news channels LOVE to sensationalize the negative and bad things, that is what is all over the TV. Heaven forbid there ever be other intelligent life out there and they ever watch our "news".  They would probably just blow our planet up for the sake of evolution, survival of the fittest or whatever. That's why the news needs to put more POSITIVE and GOOD things in the news! I know it's out there, and it's more than just cuddly kittens and puppies.  It's PEOPLE doing good (and smart) things.  Things that help our planet, things that help our PEOPLE, things that help our animals.  Not glorifying the latest fashion trend, or following the drama of the rich and famous, it's not about following the latest "hot" criminal (have you seen that going around?  How people are going 'gaga' for this criminal that has supposedly gorgeous eyes?  I don't think he's gorgeous at all, he looks cold hearted and mean). 


Anyway, I digress. 


There are just some things I find highly unacceptable in life, and forgetting that you have a beautiful tiny human being in the back seat of your vehicle is one of those things I do NOT find acceptable.  They even have PSA video's floating around the interwebs now! I just watched one on Facebook, cried my eyes out the entire time. 


I know a few people actually that have forgotten their kids in the car.  I was shocked. These are great parent, they aren't bad people.  I knew they hadn't done it on purpose.  Did I think they were irresponsible?  Yes I did/do in that exact moment. I cannot lie about the way I feel on that.  I'm not trying to be stuck up or rude or cruel.  Thankfully, those people had a positive turn out, their child was fine.  It could have easily ended badly for them.  It's not something I would ever hold against them or hate them for.  They learned something, something they can share with others. 

It's hard to walk the line of understanding, but yet stand firm with what you think.  You don't want to make your friend or family member feel even MORE awful for what happened (because of COURSE parent guilt is the worst kind of punishment any parent can ever face, it's the kind of fear, guilt that stays with you for the rest of your life and you feel will always carry with you, even if you forgive yourself at some point...it's still there, still carried with you, those memories of it, forever, that never goes away).  You don't want your friend to beat themselves up for it forever, and you do want to be supportive, while also making sure no one ELSE does this either. 


If you have to, keep a note book in your car, with some tape.  Put a note on your steering wheel, or car door or SOMETHING.  I've seen things suggest keeping your cell phone, purse, or other important item in the back seat with your child.  Or keeping a teddy bear in their car seat, and putting it in the front seat next to you when you put your child in the car seat.  If the teddy bear is still in the front seat...then you've left your kid in the back seat.  My thoughts?  If the parents (no offense) don't take the time to remember their kid is in the back seat...are they really going to take the time to put a teddy bear in or out of a car seat, or put their purse in the back seat? How many people talk or text while driving (bad bad bad that's a whole OTHER rant...) so I HIGHLY doubt anyone would put their cell phone in the back seat with their kiddo. I don't really know what the answer is, I really don't.  I don't know if there IS an answer.

I just know it is INCREDIBLY sad and HIGHLY upsetting when it seems all the time there is another news story about ANOTHER child dying from being left in a hot car, and no one realizes it.

My children and I did a science experiment recently on a super hot day that involved graham crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows.  Yep.  We made SMORES using our super mega hot van on the hottest day so far. (I was tempted to try and fry and egg in there, but decided against that one).  Explaining to my children that HOT CARS are INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS, and they should NEVER get into a car in the summer time while playing, it's not a place to hide, or play games.  Cars are dangerous, in so many many ways.

Mae