Conversational Field Trips

So with three children 6 and 4 (yes that math adds up when you have twins, and trust me I've had to explain that math on more than one occasion to people who tried to argue with me, ha)! With young kids, funny conversations are never something we go without.  Usually they happen at the most unexpected moments.  I think I may have mentioned some of the funny things my kids have said in the past. 

Although, bright and early in the morning it isn't usually the kids that make you scratch your head in confusion.  Have you ever woke up all groggy and brain lapsed and try to stumble (but you feel you are gracefully gliding across the treacherous terrain of your room...)  and you are headed DIRECTLY for the bathroom because your bladder is gonna EXPLODE.  So you are full on, blindly, basically running to your bathroom...only someone EVIL shut the door....and you can't see because the lights are still off and if you turned them on your eyes would turn to vampire ash in the sockets.  You plunge head first....and find....BAM the door was shut.  That.  Hurts.  But of course it's all hypothetical, because I would NEVER EVER EVER do such a thing as fun full force into a closed bathroom door at 5:30 or 6 in the morning.  Nope.  I would never ever do that.

This morning was my daughters first kindergarten field trip.  I was a chaperone along with my husband and several other moms for my daughters kindergarten class.  My first field trip as a MOMMY! Yay! I've waited 6 years for this moment!

Of course nothing went as planned though.

We were sooo far behind on our day it wasn't even funny.  My daughter nearly missed the bus to leave for the field trip.  I drove her to school today, and then my husband and I were going to follow the bus to wherever the blue blazes that pumpkin patch was located. I will never be able to find my way back there again.

Anyway, we had some major errands we had to run before we went to my daughters school.  Of course the traffic that early of a morning SUCKS around here and we were nearly late. 

On our way to the store (we had to pick up a quick lunch for my husband and I to have during the field trip because we had forgotten to pack one).  I had just turned onto the high way, and there is the most awful screaming that broke loose from my son Keegan in the very back of the van.  My heart nearly leapt out of my throat and I am not sure how I kept from driving into on coming traffic with how bad he scared me to death with that scream.

He continues to scream, and there isn't a SINGLE thing I can do about it as I'm stuck and can't get out of traffic.  My husband is doing his best from the front seat to find out what is wrong in the back seat.  FINALLY my son calms down enough to scream "SPIDER!! It's ON ME!! It's GONNA EAT ME!!!!!!"  I'm thinking, OH NO he has some kind of big brown recluse spider on him and it's going to bite him and he'll get sick.  I thankfully hit the store parking lot about that time and swerve into a parking spot and the husband is jumping out of the van and throwing up the van doors and ripping apart a car seat to kill this spider that dares to endanger our child. 

There is no spider.  We can't find it. 

Keegan is still sobbing and shaking.  (Mind you this is the kid that says he is Spiderman....) 

My husband goes "There is nothing back here, cept a fly.  I think he was afraid of a FLY"  No.  My son knows what a fly is.  If he says he saw a big child eating spider on his lap, he saw a big child eating spider on his lap. 

Husband goes to shut the doors and I see it.  I see the viscious, evil, rotten spider that was scaring my child....

Oy.

It was the TINIEST little spider ever.  It was dangling from a web near him though.  Keegan looks over and sees it just near his head and freaks out all over again. That's IT MOM!! KILL IT!! KILL IT!!! It's gonna EAT ME!!

At this point....

"Really son.  REALLY?  All that fuss over THIS harmless little spider?"  Before I can do anything my husband borrows his sons flip flops and SMASH...little green spider is squishy mess.  He is no more.  My son is relieved and goes about business as usual. 

Yeesh.  All that fuss for a little bitty spider. 

Though it's not only children that say things that make you go "WHAT?"

While on our way to my daughters school we were stopped at a 4 way stop.  A man and woman drove through on their older styled gas powered scooter things. My husband remarked how we needed some of those scooters, and I commented something to the affect of "yeh,  they are pretty nice" or something like that.  Anyway, it boiled down to my husband going "eh he's not bad looking"  I was like...wha?  Are we talking about the same thing here?  He goes "Oh you weren't checking out the guy on the scooter, I figured you were checking him out"  Eh..no?  I am not in the habit of checking out other guys, especially ones on scooters ha! So we had a good joke about that. I'm pretty sure my daughter thinks we're crazy. 

Last night at around 11 the phone rang.  I knew it was late, and didn't recognize the number, so against better judgment I answered the phone.  We sometimes get drunk dialed phone calls, and they can be humorous and I love confusing the hell out of drunk people.  So I answered.  This older guy replied in what I can ONLY imagine he uses as his 'sexy voice' "Hello....baby"  I almost died from laughter. 

I decided, I'll go with it.  Probably just another drunk phone call....

"Why...hellooo, what can I do for you?  Who are you...calling for?" 

The dude was totally caught off guard.  He stammered around, and ended up hanging up.  As soon as I went to hang up I got another look at the number that had called and realized it was a call that came in that must have been for my mother in law!! (Found out tonight that yep it WAS for her after all, I've never laughed so hard, hahaha)!!

Yesterday, while dropping my husband off at college, we stopped to get a coffee at our favorite little coffee shop on the way to the college.  We bought the twins a big huge blueberry muffin a piece to eat for breakfast since they were being so good.  Marshall was immeidetely 'nom nom nomin' that sucker down.  With a mouth full of the most delicious blueberry muffin on the face of the planet, I hear him say "Mommy, you are my love muffin" 

Awwww.  Thanks. 

"NO MOM.  I SAID I LOVE MUFFINS!!!"  

Oooooh.  Well, I still love you.  And muffins.  Muffins are yummy, I love blueberry muffins too they are sooo yummy! Did I mention I love you too son?  I also love muffins.  I think I'll adopt one.

Driving to the field trip was an adventure.  I do NOT venture out of town very often! Especially when it comes to driving in the city (and for the record it isn't that much of a 'city' I use that term loosely.  I drive in the town I live in, and that's pretty well it. Cept I did do the biggest majority of the driving when we went on our vacation this summer.  Cept I REFUSED to drive in Omaha, made my mother in law do that. If she wrecked the van in town it was on her, not me.

Somehow my husband and I managed to NOT get lost going TO the field trip, however coming home was a different story.  Somehow we ended up at a Bed Bath and Beyond, not that I'm complaining! Was nice to go in there and just look around, oh and get directions to get out of town....which I failed at miserably.  It'd be fair to say though that the woman gave crappy directions, and that my husband is no "TomTom" ha!

We had to turn around at least 3 different times and finally made our way out of the maze of idiots and crazy drivers.  Pretty sure I sprouted several new gray hairs. 

The field trip itself was really fun.  It was hot, but it was fun to see my daughter have fun with her class mates.  Though she did inform a little boy on her bus that his mom "cheated" because she rode the bus and she wasn't supposed to because HER mom and dad had to drive there.  Sassy girl.

Oh and I also got bounced out of a big Indian tepee by Big Chief Little Runt herself (my daughter).  Apparently that tepee wasn't for adults, only for kids (could have fooled me, pretty sure it was an ADULT sized tepee)!

 We also went Halloween costume shopping.  I hate costumes.  HATE THEM.  I especially hate taking my children to BUY the costumes.  What my kids actually WANT to be is NEVER there.  Ever.

So instead of a Red Power Ranger and a Blue Power Ranger, we have a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, and a Ninja dude from GI Joe, only instead of being a Ninja dude from that he's actually a "foot ninja" from the Ninja Turtles, because Marshall said so and that's just the way it is going to be, got it?  YOU BETTER. 

My daughter apparently wants to be Snow White for Halloween.  Great.  I thought she was going to be Sleeping Beauty?  She decided that nope, she wanted to be something else.  Ooooof coooourse.  She had also wanted to be Wonder Woman, Super Girl, Spider Girl, Bat Girl....blah blah blah.  If she changes her mind again, she can wear a brown paper sack. 

We got my daughter one of those Michel Mercier no more tangle hair brushes.  It's the only thing my daughter has been asking for.  I was VERY iffy.  We got it, and it does ok.  I don't think it's really anything all that special, it honestly reminds me of a dog brush.  My daughter seems to think it's the best thing since detangling spray. 

While we were at the field trip with my daughter, our sons hung out with the baby sitter, and they had a lot of fun.  Painting a pumpkin, watching TV and being well behaved for them...you know, using up all of that good juju at some one else's house instead of using it at home.  Thanks guys....

It's late and I don't really feel like working up a few pics for the blog.  So tomorrow I'll share a couple of cute pics from the field trip. 

Mae