This photo was taken just 6 days before she was born!
We always knew we wanted a family! We got married Oct. 22nd 2006 and it was a pretty and funny wedding. Nothing went QUITE as I had wanted it too, but it went the way it should have and I was ok with that!
By December I had gotten sick with the flu and was totally miserable but suffered my way through it and got to feeling a LITTLE better. I survived Christmas break from college, and then got back to school in January, but was still feeling absolutely miserable. It just kept getting worse and worse, and I honestly thought I had the flu that would never end.
By January 27th I took a test, and lo and behold, I was pregnant. I was nine weeks along when I found out I was pregnant. We were so excited!! Unfortunately, I struggled through some super mega extreme morning sickness, like ALL day, EVERY day, the ENTIRE pregnancy. Landed in the hospital numerous times from dehydration. On top of it, I'm allergic to something in most of the prenatal vitamins, so that made everything even MORE fun. So I balanced all of that with college. By May, I was still feeling puny, but had developed a few other symptoms. While getting ready to go do a presentation at a local elementary school for one of my college classes, I passed put in the living room, home alone. Thankfully my door was open a crack and my dog got out and woke up my neighbor (duplex apartment). I was fine, but was really winded all day long, and ended up going to see my OB at the ER later that night. Later they did testing and found out I have a leaky heart valve which is likely a lingering after affect of being born prematurely, and no one ever caught it until I was pregnant.
The rest of the pregnancy went by, same ol' same ol' I guess. I worked at my job clear up until her due date, which was Sept. 8th and then they had to take me off the schedule. BOOOORING. I was so bored. BORED, bored bored.
As the days rolled by and she was not coming out my OB and Midwife both agreed that I needed to be induced. So they tried. And it failed. That ALL NATURAL birth I had dreamed of, suddenly went out the window, and the ONLY thing that mattered was having a healthy baby!
Ultra sound taken just 6 days before she was born.
By 8am the morning of Sept. 19th, I my little girl was in the nursery being weighed and measured and checked over. I had ended up with an emergency C section because 18 hours of labor did nothing to speed the process up and get her out and we were both showing signs of distress, so they got her out.
This photo was again taken just 6 days before she was born.
From that first scream, she has been a handful. The doctor pull her out, gave her to the pediatrician, and my daughter promptly punched him in the face, which he says he has never had happen before, and it must be that red hair she inherited from her mom (he always had red head joke). Which speaking of hair, after several months of dreadful heart burn and indigestion the little stinker hardly HAD any hair, she was basically BALD. All that, for a bald baby. Although, looking at her NOW you would NEVER know she was born nearly bald. She has a REALLY thick head of hair!!
Daddy is gently stroking her head. And see, she had like no hair, they had to glue her bow to her head, ha!
When they put the tubing down her nose to clear out her nasal passages, oh that was not cool. She yanked it out repeatedly and screamed at everyone in the room. She was FURIOUS. However, by the time Dad was caring her to the nursery she had calmed down a lot!!
I remember when she came out I was busy counting fingers and toes, and I was so out of it from the meds they had given me I kept coming up with extra toes and fingers! Ha! I was a little worried, but they assured me everything was PERFECTLY FINE with our little girl.
She was an amazing baby. Nursed well, was quiet unless she was sick or wanted to eat. She wasn't a highly demanding baby. She slept well as a baby (even though I quickly changed my mind about co sleeping, NO NO NO we are NOT co sleeping turned into several years of her snuggled up in my bed, and I wouldn't have it any other way!)
She is her Daddy's pride and joy. I swear he was packing her around the hospital after she was born going "I helped make this" She's always had dad wrapped around her finger. They butt heads now, but her Dad is still her buddy.
Sleeping on Daddy's shoulder
Always very awake and alert!
She was a rough toddler. WHEW, did not think I was going to make it through that one. I had the twins when she was just barely 19 months old. So I had three under two for a little while. Plus I was potty training my daughter, and that was fun, soooo much fun. ALWAYS on the go. Climbing, running, jumping, go go go. Did not listen well at all. She was sweet and snuggly but a handful when she wanted to be, which was often. She has always had a BIG personality!
At a family reunion, SOMEONE in the family thought it'd be a great idea to give her a can of Sprite. I nearly died. At least it had no caffeine, but still...argh.
She has always been an amazing big sister. Ever since I had found out I was pregnant again, before I ever knew it was twins, she called the baby in Mommy's tummy HER baby. She would try to shove food through my belly button. She was a riot. We bought her twin baby dolls when we found out there were two in there, and she was thrilled. When I would nurse her baby brothers, she would nurse her twin baby dolls. She always wanted to help with her brother. Picking out their clothes, bringing me the boppy pillow, assisting with diaper changes, helping me wash cloth diapers. One day she nearly caused me to have a heart attack, we were getting ready to go somewhere and I had the twins laying on the couch and I turned around picked up one twin, and put him in his car seat to go out the door, and when I turned around to get the OTHER twin...he was gone! My daughter had been on the other side of me and behind my back she had grabbed the other baby to HELP mommy. Thankfully she had picked him up very nicely and gently. BUT Mommy was like "YIPES! Here let Mommy help you my big helper!" I freaked out on the inside, but kept a smile on the outside and we talked about how it was only safe for MOMMY and DADDY to pick baby brothers up, that she needed to have a seat and then we would HELP her hold the babies. She smiled and nodded her head, but felt like such a big girl because she helped. I didn't want to crush that spirit by scaring her or scolding her. She still always helped, but she never tried to pick her brothers up like that again. In stead she would double check the diaper bag and make sure it was ready to go.
I often found her snuggled up with her little brothers in their crib!
Always so proud of herself
She always sat between the boys in the back seat and she would pet their heads and rub their tummies and put them to sleep in the car. The boys hated the car seats and cried a LOT. When the youngest twin was diagnosed with cancer, my daughter had a LOT of questions. She was convinced she could kiss away his "owies" (his cancer in his tummy), and so she kissed his tummy ALL of the time to make it "all better". I think to this day she probably still believes she helped kiss away his "owies" and that's ok, because in a way she did. She always made him laugh and she looked out for him.
I remember when the boys turned four I think, and they were putting on their shoes, something she liked to help do, she'd help one boy while I helped the other one, and they yelled at her to go away they didn't need her help. She came crying to me that her brothers broke her heart because they didn't NEED her anymore, and she was just crushed. I just hugged her and said "I know how you feel little one".
She is a fierce little girl, determined, stubborn, driven, she loves making goals and reaching them, or exceeding them.
She has faced a speech delay, fluid in her ears that no one caught until she was five and it caused a cyst and she had to have emergency surgery. She has Apraxia, and dyspraxia. She has undiagnosed SPD (but working on a diagnosis, which is hard to get because a lot of doctors do not see it as a stand alone diagnosis). She has had issues with food textures, beginning solids was hard. She thankfully out grew tracheamalaysia as a baby and did NOT need surgery to repair that.
She had a terrible fever before she was a year old, it was really really high and rising. We didn't even wait for the thermometer to beep we ran to the car and drove straight to the ER. That was so scary. Her fever had gotten up to 107 and was still rising at home. We often wonder if maybe that isn't what set off her speech issues and SPD issues. (Sensory Processing Disorder).
She struggles, though not as much anymore with noise, crowded areas, and bright lights. Speech is still sometimes an issue, but most of the time you can't tell, she just talks REALLY fast now. Before she hardly talked and I couldn't even have a conversation with her. I remember when she was three, and all of her peers were saying cute things and having these ADORABLE conversations with their mom and dad and their parents were posting it on FB the funny things their kids were saying. I just cried. Because I didn't know if we'd ever GET to that point. I just wanted to talk with my daughter, have a conversation where we understood each other. A well meaning friend once told me "Be glad she doesn't talk because once they start, they never shut up". I knew she wasn't trying to be cruel, but the words cut through me and made me so sad. I would have given anything to have her talk.
Now she's almost nine, and WOW the conversations that we have now!! I have always raised her to not just be defiant, but if she doesn't want to do something, she has to be able to tell me WHY she doesn't want to do it. If you are going to be argumentative, at least be able to back up your arguments instead of just saying "because" or "I said so". I have definitely exceeded in my plan. She's an excellent arguer, or debater.
I've always been worried people wouldn't hear her, or under stand or her she wouldn't get her point across. That happened a few times throughout the years. She got brushed off, ignored, because she didn't talk like her peers. A few times I rushed in and saved the day, but then I realized I was not helping her by doing that. If I wanted her to succeed, and we didn't know how long she would struggle with speech, she needed to learn to stand up for HERSELF and be heard, and NOT get brushed to the side and ignored. So we started helping her.
She definitely doesn't get ignored now. She makes her point known. She isn't a quiet little Church Mouse. She has things to say, and you are going to listen. She has ideas. (Reindeers as she called them for the longest time, she couldn't say IDEA, but she could for some reason say REINDEER, cutest thing ever and it took me awhile to figure out what she was meaning!)
By teaching her to stand up for HERSELF, and not get pushed around, she now stand up for others and doesn't let THEM get pushed around. She does NOT tolerate bullying. If people bully her because she's "different" (little quirks here and there because of her SPD and speech) she sets those bullies straight. HOWEVER, if she is dealing with a bully who won't stop, she wins them over with kindness. She's not a push over, but she's kind.
She's way wiser than I was at that age. I just beat people up who were mean to me. Because I could, because I was bigger than the other kids. Or I cried and tattled. So glad my daughter is made out of different stuff than me!
However, if she needs to knock you down a peg or two, she will. Twice now she's taken on "mean boys" that were 3 years older than her, and she did not back down, and it didn't end well, for the boys. To be fair, they started being mean to her physically first and she just finished it. You don't push her, or punch her or kick her or ram her bike handle bars into her side on purpose, she will handle herself, and I am glad she can handle herself.
She's a leader, most of the time. In preschool she was like the "God Father" of the baby dolls. She would pack them ALL around in her arms (granted at home she didn't want to play with baby dolls and she didn't even play with them at school, but she KNEW they were the most wanted toy in preschool, so she controlled them). You had to give her something she wanted, in order to be given a baby doll. School thought they could fix this by buying MORE baby dolls and putting them in a BIG tub. Didn't work, she just sat in the tub on top of the dolls like it was her throne, and she commenced receiving the gifts, before she gave you a doll. Took us awhile to get THAT ONE under control!! However, they always said she was always VERY polite and kind and actually shared really well and was such a big helper, they never had issues with her, besides the doll hoarding, ha.
At nine, she loves to play sports basketball and soccer are her favorite. Sometimes because of the SPD sensory issues she has issues with her soccer socks, and soccer shorts. It can be a struggle, and exhausting before we even GET to the soccer field! She powers through it though and says "I got this!" and she does, she's got it. She is also a very happy Girl Scout, she has been in scouts for going on four years now and she loves it. She loves to go to Church, she loves helping animals and doing other Volunteer work when she gets the chance.
She calls herself an artist, and she is. She loves to paint and draw and write, and she has recently started to sing, which singing and music have always been two things she has detested because of her sensory issues and her struggles with auditory sounds. So to hear her SINGING is something I LOVE to hear!! She also asked if she could start learning to play the piano again, something I always loved doing when I was younger and wanted to pass on to my kids, but she would freak if musical instruments were played because she couldn't stand the sound. She still doesn't like really "busy" music. It's too many sounds for her to try and process (with SPD a lot of times kids are trying to process every single thing they hear, see and touch as an individual process rather than as a whole like neuro typical people can do). Imagine being in a crowded room, with bright lights, and everyone is talking, some are singing fast, while some music is being played slowly, and you are bare foot standing on an a scratchy carpet and it's either too hot or too cold. You are next to a friend and you are trying to have a conversation with them, but you can't because you can't block out the background noise, lights, or textures to focus on what the person is saying. That's what SPD is like for her a lot of times. Not to mention the clothing aspect.
She is getting into the days of wearing bras, and before I know it she'll be starting her period. NOT something I want to think about at all, but I have to. I have to find bras that won't drive her crazy because they can't be too high, or too low, or too tight or too loose. They can't have elastic rubbing against her skin, and no fasteners in the back or front. Basically...some type of sports bra. It's been a long long journey to find bras. Not to mention the day when she starts her period and I have to explain PADS and help her through THAT fiasco. I have a feeling it's going to be REALLY difficult for her. I pray it isn't though, and she may surprise us!
Underwear are torture devices, DENIM is her mortal enemy. Sure friends and family have seen PLENTY of pics of Kams (mostly when she was younger) wearing jeans. What you DID NOT see before the photo of the smiley faced child was taken, was the hour it took me to get the jeans ON HER. The TEARS, the screaming, the crying. Before she could TALK we thought she was just being difficult and didn't like to get dressed. We didn't know it was the CLOTHING bothering her. It's jeans? What's the big deal?
I always thought she looked so cute in jeans, and she does. No one knew how difficult was to get her INTO the jeans. We just thought she was stubborn. You see here, a cute kid, what you didn't see was the tears she cried and screamed while getting dressed.
Lots of big deals. Lots and lots. Finally when she could talk to us better I felt like the WORST mom ever for forcing her into jeans all these years. I didn't know it felt like the jeans were torturing her. I didn't know the fabric literally HURT her skin. I had no idea.
Now?? We avoid denim at all costs, or as much as we can. This year she is trying some pants we found in the Jr. section. They are jeggings. SUPER SUPER soft and stretchy. They are leggings, but they LOOK like denim. So She's happy they are comfy, and I'm happy they don't just LOOK like another pair of leggings, they look more like skinny jeans. I can deal with that.
When it comes to SPD we let her lead the way, because she lives in her body, not us. But, we do try to gently encourage her to try things she doesn't like here and there in small doses. Like button up shirts, and shirt with collars, and denim, and tennis shoes, and certain fabrics. Small doses, to help her learn how to adjust and what SHE can do to adjust the clothing to make it work for her. As well as learning to adjust to surroundings around her that she cannot control. Playing sports has really helped her get over hating to be sweaty, and being nervous around groups of people staring. Also being in scouts has helped her get out of her comfort zone and TALK to people to sell cookies, and she's quite good at it!
So she wants to move to Paris, she wants to learn to speak French and Chinese, she LOVES Chinese food, she loves salt, loves salt and vinegar chips, she adores animals, she loves fashion (yep even though clothes are difficult for her she's a HUGE fan of fashion). She loves making jewelry, she loves her My Life Doll (think American Girl Doll, only more affordable for us 'normal folk' haha). She loves Monster High and Barbie and she is obsessed with watching special affects make up tutorials. She loves watching them make monsters. She wants to do that stuff too. Right now she is designing her own Halloween costume, as well as her own Fairy costume for the Renaissance Fair.
The year her and her brothers went as puppies and her Daddy and I went as dog catchers.
She loves to be outside catching bugs, and being in the dirt. She's not afraid of snakes, or frogs or toads. She loves to climb and jump and run and get as dirty as she can. It hasn't been an "epic" day if she's not covered in dirt after one of our adventures. However, she is also the same girl that will be wearing all the pink and sequins she can while being out in said adventure getting filthy. Don't let that pink and sequins and hair bows full you for one second. She's not your average 'girly girl'.
This year her party is a "Paris Inspiration" Not quite sure what exactly that entails yet...and I should probably get that figured out since ya know her party is on Sunday....
I figure some chicken salad and tuna salad put on a "fancy" cracker for some finger food, a few fancy cookies, some French pink lemonade (if I can still find it), and then we are having cake and ice cream. Also the kids are going to get to do a painting of their own on a little canvass, I'm going to look up an easy way to paint the Eiffel Tower and the girls are all going to paint their own Eiffel Tower, as apparently most little girls this age all love Paris. My daughter has been in love with Paris since she was four though.
This girl, has always made my heart so happy!!
Just a few months old (I think it was like October 2007, maybe when this was taken?)
This photo was taken March 2016
When you have children, you love all of them, but there is something about the oldest child that whole experience that just sticks with you. I think it's the fact that this is the child you faced the "unknown" with. EVERYTHING was new to both parents. You had no experience raising a child before THIS child came along. You didn't really KNOW what it was like to be pregnant until your first child. You didn't know what it was like to be up all night with a screaming baby days on end until your first child (well that came more with our twins...our daughter was a pretty quiet and happy baby that slept well, the twins...totally different story LOL) Your oldest child gives you your first experience at EVERYTHING parenting related. Sleep training, nursing, bottles, baby food, baby wearing, car seats, classes, dressing a baby, changing a diaper (dodge the poo and pee!!) First mile stones, the pride you didn't know you could feel! The fear and the WORRY you didn't know you could feel either! Your first child, gets to be your practice baby ;) The "Figuring it out" child, the "We got this" child.
I am so glad that I became her mom 9 years ago. I cannot remember what life was really like before she was in it, and I don't want to remember! She is so spunky, and feisty. She is her OWN person. She is brave, she is strong, she is athletic, she is smart, she is talented, she is giving and kind, she is fair and a leader. She is a mix of me and her dad and yet she is not either one of us at all but 100% herself every single day. She is amazing. I most days just can't believe I was gifted such an amazing child by God, that he thought I was worthy to be her mom, I am forever thankful for that! She teaches me a lot every day. Never give up, you can do anything you set your mind to. Always be yourself. Those are some pretty big lessons for a little kid to already know! I am so glad I get to be your mama kiddo! I love you so very much! Thank you for being my first born!
