To the Preteens in my Neighborhood, I'm Listening

I find myself now being the age of thirty, a mom of a daughter who will be turning eight in September, and I am the mom of twin sons who are almost six and a half years old.  I listen.  A lot.  What exactly am I listening to?  I am listening to my children play.  Playing inside, playing outside in their own back yard and with the children in the neighborhood.  It has reminded me of how things were when I was a child.  Now this isn't so much a post of how things have changed from when I was a child, which granted there are a LOT of things that have changed since I was a child, that's not my main focus here.


I want the neighborhood kids (and my own kids) to know...I'm listening.  I'm watching.  Not in a creepy way, not in a mean either, not a nosey or bossy manner either.  I'm just listening, out of the ears of a mom.  I hear a lot of things.  Some of the things make me laugh, some of the things make me cringe (swear words), and some of the things I don't like (hearing you be not so nice to another child).  I'm listening to you all.  I hear your giggles, I hear your "watch me!!" I hear your cries when one of the younger ones has a bike wreck, or the rough housing gets a little too rough and someone gets a little hurt.  Skinned knees, and boo boo's are a part of childhood. 

What I find interesting in my neighborhood is the variety.  I am blessed to live in a neighborhood that has quite a bit of children.  Various ages, their are a few toddlers, and a baby, a couple of preschoolers, most are all school age.  There is at least two kindergartners, three or four first graders, five second graders, a couple of third graders, and the rest are fourth and up.  There are some Junior high kids, and a few high school age to.  So I get to hear and see a variety of interaction and conversations.  You don't see the "littles" (the tiniest kiddos) out so much as you do the children from about Kindergarten-4th grade.  Those are the ones you really see the most.  Those are the ones riding bikes, playing tag, playing hide and seek, wrestling, swinging, playing soccer, playing football, climbing trees, and talking about their favorite football games or packing around their favorite baby dolls or Barbies'. 


I see the age group of the nine and ten and eleven year olds, and I'm like...wow...I totally forgot how awkward that age was!  You are still a kid, but not quite a teenager.  The awkward preteen age.  You are torn between still playing with Barbie's, and trying to hang out with your 'cooler' teenage sister (who clearly doesn't want you hanging around with them).  SO you are stuck.  Where do you fit in?  Do you play with the little ones?  Yes, and no.  You kind of boss them around, and tease them a little, trying to be cool, but knowing you DO also still want to play and be a kid still.  You are torn between trying to dress nice, and not giving two cents if you get covered in mud, grass, and leaves.  Trying to play with the boys like you always have...but also holding back a little because it's starting to get a little weird now playing with the boys.  The comments older siblings make as they go by, a snicker, a "hahaha look at your new boooyfriend", or "Aww look who you are hanging out with, the BAAAABIES"  I hear those comments.  I see the look on your face.  A cross between hurt, and anger, and frustration, and confusion.  Why does it matter if you are hanging out with the little kids?  But at the same time...you don't know where you fit in. 

I forgot how hard the preteen stage was.  Looking back, I don't miss it.  I remember always being a tom boy.  I LOVED playing in the mud, catching snakes, and frogs, climbing trees, getting covered in mud and having crazy hair and not caring how I looked.  I can honestly say I was able to live in my care free world until I was about 13 when suddenly how I viewed myself...and my world and the sudden way things were changing.  I soooo out of place.  Granted, puberty started for me when I was ten years old and that was the worst thing that ever happened to me.  I felt like my childhood was being robbed.  However, I still managed to be ME. Minus one week out of each month you hardly saw me, which sucked.  I hid out in my room and wouldn't leave the house.  It's hard to ride a bike when your pad keeps shifting and you end up with a big bloody blotch on your butt and your friends start making comments and making fun of you because they haven't hit that mile marker in their lives yet.  Lucky them.  When you are invited swimming, and you are all like...naah...that's ok I don't feel like it...(even though you are dying to go swimming!!)  But your mother doesn't feel you are ready for tampons (of course she's right), and pads and pools don't mix very well.  So no swimming.  It takes a couple of years for most of your friends to "catch up" and understand what you've been going through since you were ten (my 10th birthday what a magical and wonderful day that was, haha...thanks Mother Nature, you are cruel). 


I remember one time a pad fell out of my pocket, and a kind...and meaning well neighbor returned it to me...in front of my friends.  I nearly DIED.  I convinced the littler ones that it was a bag of cotton candy, and no they couldn't have any (where that brilliant idea came from...I've no idea).  I was mortified, I felt like I was going to die, I ran into my house and didn't come back out.  Fun times. 

So yeh...I get how weird the preteen years can be.  Your body starts to change.  You aren't a child anymore, but you aren't yet a teenager either.  Your parents have more expectations for you but yet still treat you like your a kid.  It's tough.  You are struggling with which way to dress.  Do you dress more like your big sister now?  Or do you still wear Disney clothes (even if they are super cute!). Where do you fit in? 


You start shifting from shopping in the kids section, to the Juniors section.  You start doing one of the most heart breaking things...giving up your Barbie's, your baby dolls.  I saw you as you lovingly gave away toys you probably hadn't played with for a little while.  But I saw your face when you saw the other younger girls playing with them.  It was kind of tough.  You knew you did a good thing...but it's like giving up a part of yourself and starting over.


It's ok though.  There will be new things.  Whispering and giggling about boys (I know you've already started that, I've heard your giggles and red cheeks and you sit in a neighbors lawn talking).  You'll find new more "grown up" things to collect and treasure rather than just your baby dolls.  And it's ok if you still have a few special stuffed animals on your bed, I bet your big sisters have  them too, even if they don't admit it. 


My daughter will be there soon.  She's going to be eight next month, and already tries to act way older than what she is.  She adores you older girls.  Even when you are bossing her around and she doesn't really REALIZE you aren't really being THAT nice to her.  You aren't necessarily being MEAN but you aren't really being nice either.  She doesn't notice, she just wants to be your friend and play with you because she thinks your amazing.  She looks up to you.  She loves the moments where you are still "kid" enough to actually play with her, even if it is just until your big brother or big sister walks by and you suddenly act "too cool" for the little kids and get bossy with them.  I get it.  I've been there.  You just want to impress the teenagers, I know how that is. 

Don't wish to grow up too quick.  It's ok to savor being young.  Enjoy it for as long as you can.  The stages of childhood are many, and they never last long, though to you they may seem to last FOREVER.  They really don't, and I bet if you ask your mom she'll tell you that your childhood has flown by way too quickly. 

The newborn phase, the toddler stage, the preschool stage, the young school age stage, the older school age preteen stage, the Jr. High stage, the HIGH SCHOOL OMG YOU ARE ALMOST AN ADULT STAGE!!! Followed by college stage, get a job, be a grown up, pay your bills, fall in love if you want, start a family if you choose stages.....and wash, rinse repeat stages with your own children.  Followed by growing old and all of those stages to come (Hey I don't know much about those stages, I'm only 30 and so far 3o isn't bad! Though hey, thanks for making me feel old kiddos, that does not make a mama feel great, haha!) 


Just know...I'm listening.  I'm watching.  When I'm outside watching my kids play and interact with everyone...I'm listening.  I remember what it was like, I've been there.  Hang in there kids (girls and boys alike)  You'll come out on the other side of things, I promise! It'll be ok. There are some tough moments ahead, but you are all tough kids, you'll get through it. 

Mom Circus