Regardless, he's got some "Daddy" experience under his belt!
I remember back when he and I started dating when we were seventeen years old and Juniors in high school. Did I REALLY thing we were going to be together this long? Nope. I figured we'd make it through MAYBE high school, but at least make it through our Junior year together. I had never really dated a whole lot, and was ok with that. I liked focusing on school, and reading, and my art and music. I wasn't too interested in getting a boyfriend in high school, I figured I had enough time for that in my life time and it would happen, when it happened.
Little did I know I'd find a huge chunk of my heart in high school.
He spilled his heart and life story to me and we just meshed. We were an 'odd' couple haha. He is 6ft 3in and I'm barely 5ft 1in on a good day. Somehow, we've managed.
When we graduated high school I informed him I was moving away for college, and that I didn't know what his plans were, but I knew what mine were and that was that, he could go along, or proceed with his own plans for life.
His plans apparently included being with me, because we moved away together for college. We saw a lot of hard and interesting times. I'm sure we could right a book on the crazy shit that happened to us in those first four years living together after high school!
He never ceased to amaze me. He was a really hard worker and during those first several years he worked 3 jobs at a time so we could make ends meet. I worked one or two jobs as well as going to college.
In 2005, this amazing man asked me to marry him.
It was a no brainer. This was the man I wanted to be with. He has the biggest heart and kindest soul of any one I've ever met. He would give you the shirt off of his back if he thought you needed it. He is a friend to everyone he meets. He's easy going, good natured, comical, and just amazing.
We spent were married Oct. 22nd 2006, and lo and behold by January 2007 I found out I was 9 weeks pregnant with our first child. Our daughter.
He reacted the way most guys would when they find out they are going to be a Daddy. He grabbed me in a GIANT bear hug and his smile was a MILE WIDE! He was so incredibly happy. He shouted "I'm going to be a DADDY!!!" He quickly called his own father while I called my Mother and we let them know at the same time that they were going to be grand parents. His dad nearly drove off the road. (note to self don't tell people they are going to be grandparents, FOR REAL, while they are driving!!).
He called his mom and let her know as well, and soon enough several people in the family knew.
So many changes came over me during those first few weeks, both physically, and emotionally. However, there were so many changes made in my HUSBAND as well. He constantly worried about how I was doing, how I was feeling, if this or that was normal for me to be feeling, he only missed ONE appointment the entire time, and that was the VERY first appointment and it killed him not to be there, he was so upset that he missed it (I told him he didn't miss much!) We had actually gotten an ultra sound from a program in our town before our first OB appointment, so we had our little Jelly Bean sized photo of our daughter at 9 weeks. It was his prized procession, he packed it around and showed everyone he met.
"I'm going to be a Daddy!"
He was as obsessed as I was about getting everything we needed for our unborn child. A crib, car seat, clothes, bassinet, you name it. He made a list and started looking around and getting whatever was needed. We both went to parenting classes and we read books together about having a baby. He road the emotional pregnancy roller coaster with me and he didn't once ask to get off the raging hormone train. Bless his heart, I know it wasn't easy!
The day he found out we were having a little girl, he cried. He was so happy (he didn't care what gender we were going to have, he was just happy to know, and happy we could start calling our baby by the name we had picked out together for a little girl). He would talk to my belly all the time. We'd read books to my stomach, he'd rub my stomach and try to feel her kick (she always tricked him and would stop kicking, haha).
He began to worry that our child would hate him. That he wouldn't be a good enough father. That he couldn't do it. He was so scared.
So was I.
He was 1000000)% supportive of me breast feeding our daughter.
He would play music to my belly through head phones at night while I was sleeping. Which probably explains why she was so active at night and I didn't get much sleep, haha.
He was glued to my side during her birth, via emergency C Section. He was terrified. Scared he would lose me, or worse, we'd lose our daughter, or the double night mare, he'd lose us both. I remember he walked in the room and I didn't even recognize him he was all decked out in scrubs for my surgery. He saw the look of terror on my face and asked "What did you to her? She's TERRIFIED!!" He went to my side and held my hand, in my nervous terrified daze...I broke his thumb, sorry babe.
He watched as they cut me open, he saw EVERYTHING. He turned every shade of green before turning stark white and almost fainting and crushing the sweet little nurse lady that was standing behind him. He managed to stay up right.
We both gasped and cried when our daughter came out SCREAMING and full of FIGHT (literally she punched the pediatrician right square in the face, and kept pulling the tube out of her nose that they were using to clean out her nasal passages so she could breathe better.) She was healthy, and she was FIESTY. The look of pride as the nurse handed her to him. He brought her to me and I just sobbed and stroked her sweet perfect cheeks. He took her directly to the nursery, not allowing ANYONE other than doctors and nurses to touch her to weigh, clean, dress and check her stats. Much to his moms annoyance, she wanted her hands on her grand daughter so bad, and he told her that NO ONE was to hold her until I did (cept for him and the doctors/nurses).
He waited with our daughter the entire time I was in recovery I couldn't wait to see my baby.
I cried, he cried, when we were finally all together.
I have the sweetest photos of our new born freshly swaddled baby asleep against her daddy's shoulder.
Her first bowel movement I was in too much pain to change it, I couldn't reach her anyway. My wonderful husband jumped up and found a nurse to help us, and he changed our daughters first diaper (the man who insisted he would never change a POOPY diaper, hahaha). He did a marvelous job! He was so proud of himself! I was so proud of him!
He was also a waaaaay better swaddle-er than I am.
Our daughter had managed to have her Daddy firmly wrapped around her finger the moment she was born, if not before.
Over the years, that hasn't changed. She loves her Daddy so.
He was there through the pregnancy with the twins, just as amazing as with our daughter. Though he was terrified of having two newborns at one time, along with a toddler.
When the twins were born...my sweet husband was so over whelmed. The boys were so tiny compared to their sister, he was afraid he'd break them. The boys were so different than their sister. They cried a lot (especially #2, thanks to his cancer). There was soooo much stress when the twins came. We were so happy to have them, but just wished they were healthy. But we dealt with cancer for one and seizures for the other, it was a roller coaster of emotions.
It was such a hard first year, first two years to be honest.
At one point, we honestly thought our marriage was going to end. It was sad.
Somehow, by a miracle, (actually through prayer and asking God to guide us)...we made it through. It. Was. Hard.
We cried so many tears together.
The love for our children never waivered. His love for them never waivered. He was so scared of losing our son to the wretched cancer. It ate at him. It still upsets him today. He saw how scared I was, and he didn't want to show me his fear, his vulnerability because he thought I needed him to be the strong one. I was upset because he didn't seem to be upset, he wasn't showing his fear and frustration, he was just going through life.
On top of it all I was dealing with an extra emotional roller coaster ride.
My father died when I was 17 months old, and I grew up without a father until I was 14 years old and my stepdad came into my life. So when my daughter was a year old to about three years old I would have awful anxiety attacks NOT just related to pregnancy, having twins, or my one sons cancer, or the other sons seizures...it was due to I was terrified the children's father would leave them (either leaving or dying). My panic attacks were awful. My husband pulled me through that by showing me he wasn't going anywhere.
He's still here. Through all of my anxiety and emotional mess, he never waivered.
He adores his children, and they adore him. He gives them a MUCH MUCH better life than he EVER had as a child. They may not have everything they WANT, but they have everything they NEED, and they have several things they want, so he's happy with that.
He loves spending time with them. He loves watching them grow. They are his world, as he tells them quite often.
This morning at the bus stop our youngest son asked a question that through my husband off guard.
He asked: "Daddy, are you going to leave us?"
My husband was so caught off guard and had to stop and think carefully before answering just to absorb the question!
He assured our son that he no intentions of leaving. That Mommy, and his brother and sister and him were his entire world and he didn't know what he'd do if we weren't in his life.
Our son asked this question because he's noticing that some kids only have one parent in their life, and before they hadn't really paid attention to that, now they are getting older and they are connecting dots and figuring out that not everyone has the same family life.
So to my husband on Father's Day....
Thank you. Thank you for all that you do. Thank you for all the times you rushed out and bought me Marshmallows and fruit loops when I was pregnant with our daughter, and made me strawberry banana milk shakes. For all the times you added ranch dressing to all my food when I was pregnant with the boys, and rushed out to get me green apple or watermelon slushies from Sonic at 1am during a craving fit.
For not thinking I was nuts when I totally went on an emotional rampage or cried for absolutely NO FREAKING REASON.
Thank you for being such a loving and amazing father to your children. You had nothing to worry about. Our children love you, so very very much. They are proud of you and love telling their friends that you are their Daddy.
Thank you for helping them in sports, and games (yes even video games). Thank you for reading to them even though you yourself are not a big fan of reading. For worrying and carrying so much about their education and IEP's that you and I openly discuss what we would like to see in their next IEP and helping me with them at home when they are struggling.
For having the patience I do not have with our children, at times when it is needed. Giving me a chance to walk away while you handle them with a fresh new take on things.
For accepting the challenge to a game of Twister with your daughter, who is part pretzel apparently. She totally kicked your "old man butt" as she so eloquently put it. Ha!
Thank you for changing poopy diapers, even when they pooped on you and pee'd on you. For giving me a break at 3am when they had been crying non stop and couldn't be consoled.
For being my rock when we were in the hospital when our son was going through chemo, or recovering from surgeries. For asking questions my brain couldn't form right after we heard those words "your son has cancer". My brain literally quit. I was too busy running those words through my head over and over and nothing was coming out of my mouth, I couldn't talk.
Somehow, you read my mind. You found the words. You asked EVERY single question I had and some I hadn't even thought of. You were AMAZING.
Thank you for noticing our other sons seizures first. I'm so glad you saw their was something off and brought it to my attention and to the doctors attention. You have no idea how much I thank you for that.
Thank you for being the worlds most amazing baby swaddle-er. You freaking ROCK. Also, you are like a pro baby bottle maker, and amazing at helping a nursing mama get all situated to nurse! Thank you for standing up to a few nosey onlookers who were trying to give me the death stare for nursing my daughter in public (and the boys when they were born). Thank you so much for standing up to them and putting them in their place!!
Thank you for NOT being ashamed to wear your daughter in a bright pink moby wrap or ring sling!
For letting our daughter paint your toe nails any color she wanted, and never taking it off, and proudly wearing flip flops so the whole world could see. Why? Because your baby girl was super sick with the flu, and the only thing she had wanted to do...was paint your toe nails.
Thank you for being such a good sport when our daughter was learning to play soccer and nails you right in the family jewels with the soccer ball. I know it was embarrassing having that happen on the soccer field, right in front of a big crowd of people, but you took it like a champ....well a champ on the ground in the fetal position who managed to not say a SINGLE curse work because their were lots of children within ear shot. And you just got up and smiled at your daughter, and told her you were ok, but we were going to call soccer practice over for the day.
Thank you for not pushing our kids to play sports. For letting THEM decide when and what they wanted to play, but when they asked, you let them know how excited you were, without being pushy. And you happily bought whatever they needed for sports (and for agreeing not to go too crazy with buying what they needed!)
Thank you for proudly telling everyone how our son kicked cancers butt and how you aren't afraid to tell EVERYONE you meet the statistics of Childhood Cancer, and tell them about our sons cancer journey. You are amazing. Some days...I can't rehash all of that. I just can't do it, I can't tell others some days, but you? You never stop raising awareness. You always tell everyone, you want people to know so much about what these kids go through. And for not strangling people when they made hurtful and rude comments about our son during his cancer treatment. I wouldn't have been so kind about it.
Thank you for shaving your head bald while our son was fighting cancer. Even though he never lost his hair during treatment, you were still pretty amazing for doing that.
Thank you for worrying so much and warning everyone about our sons seizures. For making sure they knew what to do should he have a seizure.
Thank you for being brave and holding critters you are TERRIFIED OF just so the kids can learn about animals (like the snake the dog dropped at your feet several years ago that even though your hands were shaking so bad you still held that snake so your children could touch it and inspect it and learn about snakes).
Thank you for supporting your children. Always. You help them soar. You help them see beauty in others, and your kindness to others....shines through them as well.
Thank you for still being a kid at heart. You keep me from taking life too seriously! You make sure we always laugh and have a good time.
Thank you so much for being the most amazing and wonderful husband and father I could have ever asked for.
I love the way you BBQ. You rock.
Thank you for mowing the lawn so I don't have to. Thank you for being so awesome at cooking meals the kids and I appreciate it, you are pretty awesome in the kitchen!
Thank you for being patient on road trips, I know how difficult they can be! HA!
Time is flying by with our children. They aren't babies anymore. I'm so glad you've been by my side from day one. We've changed so much since we were seventeen years old. We continue to change, we continue to grow, together, right along with our amazing children.
I love you so, and I wish you the best Father's Day ever (sorry you have to work this whole weekend though). I hope you love the gifts the children made and got for you, and that you love your breakfast tomorrow morning.
For being the dad, that YOU always wanted in your life. Thank you for rising above your childhood and what you could have done with your life, and doing something even greater. Being a father, and a damn good one at that!
All our love.
The Circus.
