So to all of you Moms out there, I want you to know I'm thinking about you and I hope you had a good day. I know for some moms it isn't easy. Many moms are missing their children they may have lost, far too soon. Missing your child so much cannot be an easy thing for the heart. I see you. I know you fake a smile sometimes. You may be happy for your friends and what their children are doing, but you secretly mourn the fact your child isn't doing this things too, and you wonder "what if", and what could have been. We love you moms. The strength you show in the face of one of the most terrifying mom fears (the loss of your child), is awe inspiring. The grief you carry with you on a daily basis, knowing that a chunk of your heart is missing, I cannot begin to understand. The moments where you wish for one more giggle, one more hug, one more good night kiss, even one more tantrum. One more anything, with your child. You have wisdom, you have a strength about you, even when you feel at your weakest. Thank you, for sharing your heart with us. For helping us see our children a little more clearly, and being thankful a little more when we're having the bad days, for keeping the rest of us a little more grounded. You have much to teach the rest of us.
For the moms who have moms who are no longer with you. To the moments where you reach for the phone to call her up and tell her a funny story, or to ask for her advice, or you need to vent about the newest upset in your life, and you remember...she isn't hear anymore to reach out too. You want to hear her voice again, to feel her arms wrapped around you in a comforting and secure hug, knowing that all is right in the world. The holidays are just not the same without Mom. The little touches she brought to family gatherings, her home made potato salad, or home made pecan pie that you can't seem to make just the way she did. The way she laughed, and how you knew every life wrinkle, and worry line on her face like back of your hand. How you watched your Mom grow and age before your eyes, knowing that she wouldn't be here for ever, but praying to keep her here with you, as long as you could. The moments you try to remember everything she taught you. How to care for a child sick with the flu, remembering that favorite nursery rhyme she sang to you. Your mom lives on in you. She will always be with you.
To all of the moms to be. From the first positive pregnancy test, to the roller coaster of emotions that follow. The happy tears, the scared tears. The journey that is beginning, the preparations to be made. The swollen ankles, stretch marks, cramps, peeing over and over again all day and all night. The uncomfortableness, the prenatal exams, but that moment you hear your babies heart beat for the first magical time. The moment you realize, there is a tiny human growing in side of you. Depending on you, NEEDING you. You are that babies protector. To that first amazing ultra sound when you get to lay eyes on your beautiful child. You watch your stomach grow and grow (and wonder if it'll stop!) you hurt. The heart burn, indigestion, morning sickness, uterus stretching, Braxton hicks, and all of the other scary things that can make you run to the ER at 2am praying everything is ok, just to be told "it's fine, your all right". Better to be safe than sorry. Your uncomfortable. It's hard to sleep, it's hard to eat (or you feel like you can't stop eating). All you do is pee. You want that baby out, you are ready to meet your baby, but scared all at the same time. The labor pains whether you have a medicated birth, natural birth, or C section birth. It doesn't matter. You all experience pain and discomfort. The end result? The same. You all have a beautiful baby in your arms when it is over. A new journey begins. The emotions that follow, more tears of over whelming love for this bundle in your arms, you didn't know you could love someone so much, and that someone could be so beautiful and so perfect and you wonder where this tiny being has been all your life and you suddenly couldn't imagine life without this precious child.
To all of the moms who are up all night with fussy babies and you just want to sleep. And you wonder whether you can take another day of this chaos, and you wonder if you were cut out for this 'mom' thing. You may wonder, at times...where your precious perfect baby went, but then other times...you can't imagine a better moment. To dealing with colic, to teething, to acid reflux, breast feeding difficulties, pumping problems, finding the right formula for your baby, watching them meet every new mile stone, and tearing up a bit. Wondering what they will look like or sound like when they are a little bit older, but wanting them to stay tiny for awhile longer. To all of the diaper blow outs, and getting pee'd on, to being thrown up on or spit up on at the worse moments. But you look into their beautiful bright eyes as you snuggle their sweet smelling bodies close to you. You revel in these moments. They go by too quickly. Don't wonder if you are cut out for this mom thing, You are. Hang in there. You got this. The moments where it is time to pack away those newborn or 0-3 months clothes and wonder how that happened so fast, there's no way your baby could be getting this big already. You start wishing for time to slow down just a little.
To all of the moms chasing a toddler who won't stop climbing, eating random things, who won't stop having tantrums, or hitting, or biting. All of those "NO's!" you hear daily. The potty training drama, and the potty training successes. Who STILL doesn't want to sleep, and makes enormous messes the moment you clean things up, And you feel like pulling your hair out or might be considering turning your living room into a giant toddler proof cage, and you swear up and down you have absolutely NO sanity left, and you wonder what you've really gotten yourself in to and where do your wonderful sweet soft cuddly newborn went, and why did they replace your baby with a ravaging animal child. It's ok. You'll get through this too! The moments when you find your self hastily running through the house trying to baby or toddler proof EVERYTHING, and you can't believe the number of things your child can and will get hurt on. To the moments where you are just simply trying to wrestle your child INTO CLOTHING. Keeping them dressed...feels impossible, so does potty training. The two seem to run hand in hand at this point. So here's to cleaning up pee puddles and the occasional poop (whether out of the bath tub or off the floor). Where they run through the house buck naked right when you have company or right when you need to be out the door for an appointment. Or they strip naked in the back seat of the car as you are driving down the road, or throw their favorite toy, binkie, blanket or sippy cup out the window as you are driving down the interstate at 70mph. To the good night cuddles and the moments they still curl up in your lap and fall fast asleep. They still need you, for almost everything. To cut up their food, to helping them dress a little bit, to wiping their bums and little noses, to tying their shoes and zipping their coats. They are in the stage of "do it myself" but they still need you. They need your kisses on boo boo's, and band aids save the day. Where nothing is better than cuddling together and watching Sesame Street, just spending time with this amazing little person.
To all of the moms with children about to hit preschool in August. You are excited, yet sad and sentimental all at the same time. Wondering, where the time went? You think about picking out tiny back packs and school clothes and meeting their preschool teachers. And you realize....your little one has quite the personality now, and they have opinions on EVERYTHING, along with a MILLION questions about EVERYTHING, and you suddenly realize you don't know quite as much about the world as you THOUGHT you did, leave it to a four year old to help you figure that one out. They also have a knack for repeating things in public...at the worst time...on SUPER LOUD setting, making you want to crawl in a hole and die (this shall pass, eventually) Watching them create, listening to their stories, watching them grow and develop and still marvel at the world around them. They are still your sweet child, they still throw you a curve ball, or a tantrum of five. It's ok, this too shall pass (eventually?) They still want those good night stories and hugs and kisses and snuggles. They still need you, but not as much. They are walking and talking without your help, able to navigate their world with almost no assistance from you. They still want to curl up with you, but also want their own space. They aren't ashamed (mostly) for you to give them kisses in public and for you to make them hold your hand. They are still your 'little one'. For just a little while longer.
To all of the moms with children in Kindergarten (or getting ready to start kindergarten). It's ok. Cry it out mom. Have a good cry that your baby is growing up and going to BIG KID school, or will be moving on to first grade. Look back at all they have learned this year! (Minus the one or two bad words they picked up from riding the school bus, that they still may say at the WORST moments, see I said it would pass...eventually). The fact that WOW suddenly you aren't seeing in "baby" left in them at all, suddenly you see a little boy or little girl, not just your 'baby'. They are starting to leave the world of baby behind them for good. Moving on to the world of big kid. Making new friends, that could last all throughout school. Trying out new things (sports, activities, clubs). You also start noticing their getting a little mouthy. You wonder where all of this sass has come from! Your sweet little chubby cheeked cherub would never be so lippy. Then you remember, they aren't that chubby cheeked cherub anymore. They are a child trying to grow and spread their wings, still wanting to test those boundaries and seeing how far they can push you, and what they can get by with. Still eager to help you and be a part of everything you do, while at the same time letting you know what they think about everything, and loudly protesting when it is something they are NOT interested in. The home work battles also begin. Sure it starts out good enough, but can quickly spiral from there. I'd say hang in there...but that's what I'm doing. I've got the end of my frayed little rope and I'm clinging to it for dear life as we get ready for the next chapter in this mom journey. Snuggling is harder and harder to do, kisses in public...not so common. Hugs are still ok, but they may not appreciate those kisses or the spit bath in public. Especially the spit bath. They still need you...but even less than before it feels like. However, they really need you more just in different ways than years past.
2nd grade. I don't know what to expect there, but I'm thinking it's not going to be a whole lot different than first grade at this point. All I know...is I'm going to keep clinging to my little frayed rope and doing my best to never give up and let my kids know how much I love them, and how amazing I still think they are. How I'm so glad I'm their mom (even on the tough days). I will do my best to grow gracefully with them and be the parent I want them to be when they are grown. Life will throw curve balls at us, and we will get frustrated. We will yell, we will cry. We will get on each others nerves, we may not like each other from time to time, but we will always love each other. They will know where "HOME" is, and what family means. They have a lot of learning to do in the next few years. Learning to make good choices, learning how to treat others, learning what friends they can lean on and which ones are just going to break their hearts. It's going to be hard. I'm probably going to cry myself to sleep a few nights, they probably will too. Home work will still be hard. But we will grow. We will do this together. That's the only way we can do it, is together.
So to all my mom friends. Thank you. Thank you for being YOU. For shining your light on your children. For helping them become who they are. Don't give up. Don't quit. You haven't messed up. They are good. They are yours. They are not broken and neither are you. I've learned so much from all of you moms. I have mom friends of all ages so many of you have been and continue to be an inspiration to me. The moms of pre teens and teenagers....I'm going to need you in a few years! I have a feeling my daughter is going to be a tough one to handle during this time, and she may push every button I have. I will need your ideas, your strength, your patience. To my mom friends of all boys. I will need your tips and tricks for hiding grays because I know my sons are going to be helping me add to my gray hair collection I already have going on. With their crazy boy antics. To help me not have a mini heart attack every time they do something nearly stupid and dangerous. And the wisdom/will power to not sucker punch everyone that says "they are just being boys".
It's not easy. It's a hard thing we do, day in and day out.
Doing our best to make play dates, sports things, piano lessons, class room parties, classroom graduations and awards assemblies, field trips, remembering when it's your turn to bring class room snack, remembering to bring the teacher their teacher appreciation gift (because my God people. They spend 8 hours a day 6 days a week with not only YOUR child but at least 19 OTHER children, in a small ish classroom with only a couple of recesses to help them keep their sanity. Yeh, that deserves a freaking GOLD MEDAL, not just a glass jar of M&M's with some snazzy word on it. Give them some Jack Daniels and a few shot glasses at least, because by the end of the week...they may need that more than a vase covered in yellow pencils and filled with more pencils, or a wreath made from rulers. I'd take the Jack over the wreath any day when dealing with that many tiny amazing humans for that long for an entire school year. Give them credit for not strangling your child during the school year, because face it...if they push your buttons at HOME, and you are only with them for roughly 5 hours an evening and then 12 hours on the weekend (because face it we can't wait for bedtime)....and maybe an hour or two of a morning....that's like close to 20 hours a week YOU spend with your kid, compared to the like 40 hours a week the teacher spends with your kid. Not to mention the time they spend at home preparing stuff for your children in the classroom for the next week. (rough math guess-timates here people, don't take my math at 100% accurate there is a reason I am NOT a teacher).
Parenting. Is hard. You are your own worst critique, especially moms. We always worry about whether we are doing the right thing, if we're messing our kids up, did that fall at age two and you rushed them to the ER and for SURE thought they had a concussion but the doctor said no...is that the reason your child is struggling now, or acting like that. Maybe it was that penny they swallowed, or the dirty fry they ate off the floor at McDonalds that one time, and OMG yes, we ate at fast food restaurants more often then you care to admit, or whatever. *sigh* Just stop.
Stop over analyzing yourself.
You are fine.
You are enough.
You are what your child needs.
Not the mom down the street that you might compare yourself too. Your child obviously wasn't born to that mom. Probably for good reason. She might not have been able to handle that child the way you can (even when you think you can't, you still some how manage to make it through another day).
There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with your child. Everyone is where they are meant to be together in this crazy world.
Smile more. Try to worry a little less. (Easier said than done, I KNOW! My daughter is only 7 and a half and my twin sons just turned 6, so yeh I know "what does she know?" I know nothing. I'm still learning, I KNOW.
My favorite quote. "Life's a dance you learn as you go, sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow. Don't worry about what you don't know, life's a dance you learn as you go" -- John Michael Montgomery
Above: Me with my Mother. This woman has taught me a LOT and without her I don't know what I'd do! Below that photo is a photo of me with my little sister, who just turned 20 and is a mom of two amazing kiddos. It's always interesting to talk to her, I understand what she's going through. Been there myself! I can only imagine what my Mother thinks when she hears both me AND my sister complain about anything parenting related, ha! At this point she's probably like "you guys have NO idea..."
Mom Circus- DANCE, of the Animal Cracker Circus
