So Happy Valentines day to everyone. I hope you all had a splendiferous day! Lots of fun and snuggles with your love. I know our day was busy, and fun and silly and goofy, and well for the most part just a really fun day.
We started out our morning with donuts and strawberry milk, a special Valentines day treat for my little CIRCUS. "Donut" you know I love you? Yeh, that was catchy huh. Hey, they liked it.
After that we did a mad dive to clean the house up a bit before we went on with the rest of our day. Friday night was kinda crazy at our house. My daughter had to be picked up from school at two for a doctors appointment to make sure she didn't break her foot on Monday. She had been complaining about it and had been in tears the past couple of days so I was afraid she had fractured something. Thankfully it's just a bad bruise, and she'll be ok.
Of course the kids all came home from school yesterday with their Valentines goodies they got in class. Even though you tell them "NO MORE CANDY!!" They still find a way to get more candy. So there have been far too many sweets being eaten in this house the past 3 days! So I'm ready to get back on track with the limited sweets.
So this morning when I woke up there were still Valentines day cards from their class mates all over the living room floor. Candy wrappers too. Stickers, and tattoos, and who knows what else.
We also had a big pile of Girl Scout cookies (those came in yesterday and we had to go pick this up so we can start delivering those). But last night, I didn't want to do anything other than spend time with my kids.
So we watched a movie (by the way Guardians of the Galaxy is pretty awesome, but does have a few bad words/suggestive language so if you don't want your kids watching that...now you know). But it was cute, and my kids loved it though they kept asking when Iron Man, Captain America, and the Hulk and Spiderman were going to come out and save the day.
We ate pizza, and pop corn and snuggled up and watched a movie and we all went to bed. (And then this morning woke up to donuts and strawberry milk). We are sooo not winning any 'healthy food' points here are we? I can promise, that is NOT a normal diet around here!
Anyway, after breakfast, and cleaning house today, my daughter had a Girl Scout cookie booth she had to be at and so we went and did that, even though it was bleeping COLD out there! It was so cold and windy it was ridiculous. BRR. I was so glad when we were all told we could go home. So glad.
After we got back from that we headed out of town to another town, a bigger town, with a mall. We don't go there often and this was a nice little treat. Unfortunately today was Valentines Day so everyone and their Uncle Bob was out too.
Popped in to Hobby Lobby. I'm in love with that store. Can I just like, move in there???
We stopped to get some Chinese. We also made a trip to a place called Bonkers, it's a gigantic play area for children, also serves pizza and all kinds of other stuff. Fun place, it's loud too. We figured that since it was Valentines Day it wouldn't be that busy. Hahahahaha, right. It was packed. However the kids had a blast. I was so proud of my daughter she actually went all the way up the play area instead of just hanging out on the bottom floor. She conquered whatever fear she had and just did it. So very proud of her. Especially considering we have a Girl Scout event there in a couple of weekends.
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| Fun at Bonkers tonight :) |
So all in all, we had a lovely day.
Until. I read my Facebook.
I wasn't a happy camper.
Being told I 'play favorites' with my children is enough to send me over the edge. Especially from someone who knows my family (not super well but it's someone we know outside of the 'internet' but they aren't that close of friends). Not privy to every single second and detail of our lives.
After posting the following photos, and mentioning that we just let the kids each pick out a new toy (for the record their toys all cost the same amount), and I mentioned that we had bought an extra item for one of our sons for a special celebration that was coming up that I would be talking about LATER (as in I didn't have time to give any details, but there would be more talk about it later), hence when I got raked over the coals for 'play favorites'. Never mind the fact that there were few details I gave, and I said I'd be mentioning it later. Someone obviously JUMPED to conclusions and thought they knew everything. Never mind the fact the 'extra' item that was bought, was a whopping $5 and was from the sales rack, but is something our son will LOVE for his celebration next Saturday, and he could care less about price. Not to mention the fact my husband and I had already picked out some extra special items for ALL THREE children for that day as well. Keep sakes. Special items.
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| Son Circus #1 with his highly coveted Mine Craft Lego's he's been BEGGING for since he saw a commercial for them back in November (he wanted them for Christmas, but that didn't happen). |
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| Son Circus #2 with his Super Hero 'mash up' toy that he got, he loves super heroes and it's something he has wanted for a long time (comes with all kinds of parts and pieces and a 'space ship'. |
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| My daughter with the doll she got for Christmas, she chose to buy her doll some new out fits. She is happy with what she chose, and it was her choice. Everything came up to the same amount. |
From the very moment our son was diagnosed we have been planning how we would celebrate when he finally hit 5 years. There was no IF he hit five years, it was WHEN he hit five years NED we knew what we were doing for him.
It's a big deal. Doctors and nurses have poked and prodded, stabbed and jabbed, scanned and IV'd him for FIVE FREAKING YEARS!! Chemo, surgeries, scans, bone marrow draws, lab work after lab work. It's been ROUGH on the kid. He has handled it like a CHAMP. Not to mention, the stuff his brother and sister have went through. So yes, his cancer journey is as much THEIR journey as it is HIS. However, they weren't the ones being put through chemo, surgery, pokes, prods, and scans. Our lil man earned every bead on his Beads of Courage strand (a fantastic organization by the way you should totally check them out and see how you can help support what they do).
I was told that I'm being an unfair parent and showing favoritism to ONE child over the other and it isn't right and I should make it fair among them all.
Scuse me.
BITE MY ASS.
You have NO idea what I have been through with my children. The tears I have shed for each and every single one of them at different times throughout their lives. The things we have celebrated for EACH AND EVERY CHILD.
During our sons cancer we were in some great organizations. They spoiled that boy rotten. That wasn't always easy to explain to my other two children. So we tried our best to keep things equal, but it wasn't always possible. We did our best.
We were in another organization Super Sibs (another amazing organization) that focuses on the SIBLINGS to a child that has cancer. Far too often the siblings do feel left out, hurt, scared, etc. The organization helps those kids to feel heard, that they aren't alone, it isn't their fault, and that they are special too and that they are doing great things to help their sibling that is ill. Wonderful organization, lots of great resources there (that can be helpful for a lot of different families). I remember the day my daughter and son received trophies in the mail because they were 'super sibs'. My son did NOT understand why THEY got trophies for being HIS brother and sister when he was the one that did all the 'owies'. It made my other two feel special, and my other one feel a little left out until I explained to him that his scars, and his beads of courage, THOSE are his trophies, those show what he's been through and how tough he is. That his brother and sister have been through a lot too, because they love him so much and they worry about him all the time (his big sister used to kiss his tummy all the time to 'kiss away the cancer boo boo's" she believed kisses cured everything so she was going to kiss that cancer all gone from his tummy. She'll still tell you that's what worked. It was her kisses to her brothers tummy that did the trick. My sons twin brother would always try to snuggle and hug him every time he came home from the hospital to make him feel better, he didn't like seeing his little twin brother be so sad or feel icky, and they were just BABIES at the time.
So now that it is 5 years NED. (scans next week so we'll find out for sure). My daughter and son are THRILLED to be apart of the planning of this surprise party for their little brother. They WANT to surprise him and show them they care and they love him. They WANTED to buy him an extra special gift from each of them to him. They adore him. He's their brother.
We wanted to get him something special as well, and something special for our other two kids as well.
So I REALLY didn't appreciate being 'informed' that I was playing favorites and essentially a horrible parent for it. I bend over backwards to make things as equal for my children as I possibly can.
If they pick out a toy, they get the same price range. They take turns picking out movies and a snack on family night. They take turns choosing board games to play. We all snuggle on the floor together because everyone wants to snuggle up tight to mom and dad. Hell, I even have to have the same amount of pictures of them hanging on my living room wall or I feel terrible! I have to have the same number of art work/good grades hanging on the fridge or I feel bad. They get the same number of Christmas and Birthday gifts.
My husband and I take turns going to their school activities so we can rotate who does what with each kind in their classrooms. Two boys in kindergarten and one daughter in first, that isn't always easy to rotate things when their are only two parents! We do our best to make sure no one feels left out.
We play with each of them separately at home. Barbies with my daughter, Lego's with one son, and super hero action figures with the other. Then we find a way to combine all of the ways we played and have one big play session, and it's FUN.
They are all THREE playing soccer this year, not just one. They all THREE played T ball last year and I was the freaking COACH last year, tell me how I played favorites? Because trust me....favoring my kids during tball was the LAST THING on my mind, especially when two were acting like holy terrors the entire time.
When we have birthday parties they get the same type of party. They have the same price range for gifts. When the boys have their party they agree on a theme together, and mom sets it all up. The boys EACH get their OWN CAKE, we don't make them share a cake. We sing Happy Birthday to each of them. They each get their OWN gifts. The boys may be twins but they are two totally different people, two different individuals and they are treated as such.
My daughter is in Girl Scouts for the second year and she loves it. My sons will be signed up for Scouts as soon as they are old enough. They have to be in first grade, they aren't QUITE there yet, so obviously they have to wait.
However when I am at a Girl Scout thing with my daughter my husband does something fun with the boys at home. So they are having a blast hanging out with Dad!
They all get to do the same things.
I don't love one more than another. They all three each have a third of my heart (and that third of my heart is HUGE for each of them, it's darn near like I have three huge hearts in my body, one for each of them!)
I'm proud of all they have accomplished and all they do!
Son Circus #1 no longer has seizures, and you better believe we celebrated that accomplishment as well! He is also very good at math, and building stuff with Lego's, and he wants to build things with wood. He's a very talented little boy! He works hard in school and just wants to be a hard worker do well and make us proud of him (which we are). He also LOVES soccer and is so excited to play soccer this year (and for being almost 6 and having never played soccer on an organized team before he's actually not half bad!) Super excited to be in scouts!
Son Circus #2 is coming up on 5 years NED, he loves to go fast, and do tricks on his bike. He isn't so fond of school, or reading, or math. However, he likes art class, and music class, and he wants to learn to play the piano, and he wants his own guitar. He wants to be in a rock band and drive motorcycles, and build race cars. He wants to play soccer this year to try something new, but he really loved playing Tball last year. He can't wait to be in scouts too! He says he's tough and fearless.
Daughter Circus, is in first grade and loves school but hates math and reading (especially math). She loves to write though and fills up note books with all kinds of stories and pictures. She loves her "My Life" doll (it's a knock off version of the American Girl Doll, and it works just as well). She loves pink and glitter and earrings and girly, but she isn't afraid to get dirty and play in the mud and play foot ball and wrestle wrestle wrestle. She's amazing with animals, is kind to everyone she meets, cares about the environment and loves being a Girl Scout.
Trust me, I could go on and on and on and on about my kids and how amazing they are and how proud of them I am! Every certificate and award they get at school, activities they've been involved in here and there along the way, their own personal struggles (you try having issues with reading and writing and see how easy school is for you!) They do well and they don't give up!
Do not ever tell me or my children that I love one child over them. Kids say that enough on their own without the 'input' of adults. If you don't live in my home, if you aren't their mom and dad then you have NO IDEA how much I love my children and how much I am very proud of all three of them.
If we want to have a 5 year NED celebration for our son who has FOUGHT CANCER then I will. I do not need to explain to YOU or anyone else why we are doing so. I do not need your permission. I do not need to justify a single thing to you. It's our decision. NO one else's. He's not your son, it's not your problem. We aren't the only childhood cancer family out there that does this for their children, it isn't taboo or a new idea. It's CELEBRATING a mile stone. We don't exactly break out the cake and streamers on his cancer diagnosis date, because that's not exactly a day we feel like CELEBRATING. It's more of a day of reflection to us, because it's the day our world was flipped upside down. So if we want to celebrate him being 5 years NED we certainly will. That's something you can definitely feel like celebrating.
You have no idea the guilt and pain I felt when I was in the hospital with my newborn son as we waited for a diagnosis, and my other newborn son and toddler daughter were staying with other people because my husband and I needed to know what was wrong with our son. It hurt SO BAD to be away from my babies, I HAD NEVER BEEN AWAY FROM THEM UNTIL THAT MOMENT. It was so hard, on me and them. I cried myself to sleep every night because I missed them so much.
I cried because what if these moments with my son in the hospital were the ONLY moments I would ever have with him. What kind of memories would those be?
He spent his first Halloween and First Christmas and ALMOST spent his first New Years in the hospital.
I cried when he had to spend time away from his brother and sister, and we weren't all together as a family. We felt broken that way. We weren't whole.
I cried when he had trouble catching up to mile stones thanks to his cancer. He struggled, and that struggle was hard on him and on his siblings. They didn't understand why Bubby couldn't do what they could do, and neither did he.
I don't have A favorite child, I have THREE favorite children. And I gave birth to all of them. MY babies.
At least I know who NOT to invite to my sons celebration next weekend.
My kids 'get it'. My husband 'gets it'. Our close friends and family 'get it'. I guess that's all that really matters.
Don't be a jerk, don't think you know it all. Just because you 'know' us doesn't mean you KNOW our family or how we feel. I've shed so many tears over my babies. Unless your a parent, and unless you've seen your children struggle, you've no idea what it feels like. You don't know what it's like to try and juggle three children under two years old, and one is sick, and you are trying to spend equal time with all three of them because they ALL NEED YOU and they need you RIGHT THEN. And there is only ONE mom and only ONE dad. You can only be stretched so far. I can tell you thought that my husband and I have bent over backwards to always keep things as equal between our kids as we possibly can.
That's a struggle that EVERY parent of more than one child knows! Whether you have a child that has had a health issue or special need or not, if you have more than one kid, you know that struggle of keeping an equal balance between your kids.
Mom Circus.
